Only Emptiness Remains

Secrets & Lies

Brittany wiped up her mouth with toilet paper and then threw it in and flushed the toilet. She then sat on the bathroom floor for several minutes after that, feeling a little lightheaded.

She could not believe she seriously just did that. Never in her life would she have imagined a moment like this occurring for her. She didn't even know what to think right now. She was going through so many different emotions with so many different things racing through her mind.

It was all too much for her. She knew she should be horrified with what just happened. After all, she felt awful physically and could still taste the bile in her mouth. The whole bathroom reeked of her vomit.

No matter how hard Brittany tried, she just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she had just thrown up. And it wasn't like throwing up from a virus or food poisoning. She actually did this to herself. She had intentionally made herself sick. It was just so hard to accept.

But the thing is, she wasn't horrified in the least. And she wasn't disgusted, like she normally would be after puking. Instead, she felt... relieved. Maybe that was what had made this whole situation even scarier.

It was like all the food she had eaten for breakfast somehow was symbolic for all the bad feelings she had. All the stress she was under, her grief over Miss Miller, her broken heart over Alvin, the hurt she felt over losing all her friends from cheerleading, her fear that she soon would no longer be popular, her newfound insecurities about her body... all of that. And by purging, she had felt like she was somehow releasing all those bad feelings.

In addition to this sense of relief, she also felt like she had just taken back some of the control she had lost by allowing herself to indulge in all those fattening breakfast foods earlier.

But whatever she did from this point on, she knew one thing was for sure. She could never, ever let anybody find out about this whole incident. Especially not her sisters. They were already breathing down her neck as is.

But even if somebody outside her family were to find out, it would still be way too risky. It was bound to end up getting back to Jeanette and Eleanor somehow. And then she'd have to put up with even more people blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

The last thing in the world she wanted was for all the people who cared about her to find out about this whole episode and make a big deal about it. Because it wasn't a big deal. It was just a one-time thing and she wasn't going to do it ever again. This did not make her bulimic and the last thing she needed was people thinking she was.

She knew she'd never hear the end of it and would probably be forced into seeing the school guidance counselor. Not to mention, her reputation at school would take an even bigger hit and literally everyone would be gossiping about her.

Then there was her whole career to think about. She still hadn't been cleared to perform yet. At this rate, she was starting to fear it was never going to happen. But if anyone found out about this incident, she knew it was guaranteed to keep her out of performing for even longer. Possibly forever.

Dave was the manager of The Chipettes now, in addition to The Chipmunks. They even did a lot of joint concerts and tours together. But Dave had always been super protective of Brittany and her sisters and treated them as if they were his own daughters.

And that had only gotten stronger ever since Miss Miller passed away. So she knew there was no way Dave would ever let her go back to performing if he believed she had an eating disorder.

And then of course, there was the fear of the tabloids finding out and how they would end up spinning this into something that wasn't even close to resembling the truth. That was a whole other nightmare she didn't even want to think about. At all.