Only Emptiness Remains

Can't Hardly Wait

Brittany could not believe the day had finally come when she would be evaluated to determine whether she would be able to perform again or not. She had just had a whole bunch of x-rays taken a couple of days ago and figured her orthopedist must have been looking over them right now. Every nerve in the Chipette's body was on edge at this moment. She knew this news was either going to make or break her.

She gingerly rubbed her knee in an attempt to ease her anxiety. Another thing she was seriously hoping for. She really hoped that Dr. North was going to tell her she would no longer need to wear her knee brace to bed. She was so sick of sleeping with that thing on! Just one more inconvenience on top of everything else she had going on.

She remembered being so thrilled when she was told she wouldn't need to wear it full time anymore just a few months ago. It was a good day. But her happiness didn't last long of course. Could it ever while she was still struggling with binging and purging?

As Brittany was sitting on the table in the cold, sterile examination room, every minute that passed felt like hours. She had already filled out about a million forms asking for updates on her condition and answered all the questions the nurse had for her. Now she was just waiting on the answer she was dying to know.

And the same question kept playing in Brittany's mind over and over again. What if her knee still hasn't healed? What if she still couldn't go back to performing with her sisters? What if she could never be in another school play again?

Or what if she couldn't go back to being a cheerleader? Even though none of the girls from the squad had been acting like Brittany's friend throughout her struggles, she still hated the idea of never being a cheerleader again. If anything, the squad's treatment of her had only made her feel more determined to get back into action there.

She needed to reclaim her position as cheer captain from Missy Snootson. She needed to show those girls that she was the one in charge of the cheerleading team, as well as the school. She'd make every last one of those girls sorry for ever excluding her from everything the way that they did!

Then there was the whole matter of getting back to school plays. Not just to be in the plays though. But to get the parts of the lead female characters like she always had in the past. So that Brittany Miller could go back to being the star that she knew she was born to be!

Right now, Lindsay Piper had taken her spot as the female lead for all the school plays. As well as the solos Brittany should've been getting in the school choir. As if her snatching up Alvin didn't sting bad enough!

She wasn't sure how Lindsay kept getting all these roles and solos anyway. Sure, she may have had a decent singing voice. But she was dumb as dirt! She'd constantly stumble over big words during rehearsals back when Brittany was still active in school plays and the choir. So why would anyone trust her to be able to properly read or memorize anything?

The teenage Chipette definitely had some big goals in mind for when she was cleared to go back to her old life. However, this all required being cleared by Dr. North to begin with. Was that actually going to happen? Worst of all, what if she actually would need surgery after all?

She then shook her head and tried to remember exactly what Kristina had told her in physical therapy on Saturday. How she's made amazing progress in PT and how her range of motion has improved so much since she started working with her last year. How she believed there was a good chance of Brittany being told she'd be back on stage performing with her sisters again real soon.

She needed to try to hold on to that. She needed to try to stay positive. But it had been so difficult to be optimistic about anything lately. Especially when she was so tired all the time. She needed to take a nap as soon as she got home from school pretty much everyday the last few days. And the headaches were not getting any better either, even with Tylenol.