Only Emptiness Remains

Family Ties

Brittany was sitting right there on the bathroom floor of the Miller house with her back leaning against the bathtub. Her hands were still shaky from this recent, grueling act of purging and she had broken out into a cold sweat all over her body. Yet she remained seated on the cold porcelain-tiled bathroom floor. She was being driven by the fear that if she stood up, it would cause her to faint again.

And on top of how physically awful she was feeling, she once again was disgusted with herself for losing control. Which also felt counterproductive since the whole reason she had wanted to lose weight and was now fighting to keep it off was because she wanted to reclaim every ounce of control she had lost. She just wanted something nobody could take away from her. But was it really worth all this agony?

After Dave had dropped her off at her home earlier, all she intended to do was sleep off the dizziness and overall discomfort she felt at school. Of course, her nap was rudely interrupted when Jeanette unexpectedly came home early from school to "help" Brittany out. Not only did the eldest Chipette never ask her middle sister to do this, she also outright did not want her to.

She didn't want any help from either of her sisters. All she wanted was to be left alone and relax. So naturally, that's exactly what Brittany said to Jeanette when she told her she was there if she needed help and even offered her a bell to call on her if she wanted anything. And while the old Brittany would have relished having Jeanette at her beck and call, the present Brittany simply didn't want anyone around at all. And she was irritated that Jeanette had disturbed her rest.

However, there was also a huge part of Brittany that realized she was being unreasonable and unfair. She knew Jeanette only wanted to help her. And if her extremely studious and academically-obsessed sister left school early just to look after her, she knew Jeanette must have been very concerned about her.

Thinking about this actually made her feel a little guilty. But why? It wasn't like she forced Jeanette to miss school. Quite the opposite, actually. Why should she feel bad about either of her sisters altering their lives for her when she never wanted that in the first place? Just who did they think they were, anyway?

Brittany was supposed to be the big sister. The guardian to them both now that Miss Miller was gone. So why couldn't they just let her take care of them instead of the other way around? Why couldn't they just let Brittany worry about herself and just go on with their own lives? Why did they have to make things more complicated?

But maybe that was exactly why she felt guilty. Her sisters were worrying so much about her when she was the one who was supposed to be looking out for them. So on top of how bad she felt physically from the act of binging and purging, she also felt like she was nothing but a huge burden to everyone around her. Especially Jeanette and Eleanor.

So after Brittany sent Jeanette away, she struggled to get back to sleep. She did finally manage to fall asleep after what felt like an endless amount of tossing and turning, though. When she woke up enveloped in the warmth of the covers on her bed, it was already evening. If the glowing red digits of the clock on her nightstand weren't her first clue, the dimming of the sky's hues that signaled the change from day to night which could be made out through the off-white horizontal blinds definitely would have been a dead giveaway. Unable to get back to sleep, Brittany began heatedly pacing around her room with a pounding heart. She was not sure what to do next, but knew she wanted to try her hardest not to have another episode.

She started to come up with a plan. Maybe she could go into the living room, somehow sneak past her sisters, and watch some primetime tv tonight. That was something she had not had the chance to enjoy much of lately. Binging and purging had taken over such a huge portion of her life, there was not much room left for anything else.