Only Emptiness Remains

The Weight Of The World

Brittany continued to walk away from Alvin's red BMW, picking up the pace as much as she possibly could in a dire attempt to get away from him. Not even caring that she was probably putting her knee at risk by ignoring the instructions of both Dr. North and Kristina to take it easy.

At this rate, she was not even sure she cared about whether or not she would be able to go back to cheerleading in September anyway. It wasn't really her squad anymore. Missy had made that crystal clear to her. And while the old Brittany would have fought her rival cheerleader tooth and nail for her rightful spot on the squad and title of cheer captain back, this broken Brittany just didn't have it in her to put up the fight anymore. Her once fiery spirit was now extinguished.

However, she started thinking about what Shelby had said to her in the bathroom the night of the spring dance. How all the girls on the squad secretly despised Missy and wished Brittany would come back. She had already known how miserable Missy was making them all thanks to gossip, but it felt good to hear it confirmed by one of her former squad members.

They all just let Missy intimidate them out of socializing with Brittany. Being a cheerleader at their school was strongly coveted. Nobody wanted to risk being kicked off the team. Still, it stung to know that the girls she once considered among her closest friends would choose cheerleading over her.

Which brought her back to wondering why exactly she felt she should trust Shelby anyway. She was one of the girls who betrayed Brittany just so she could stay in Missy's good graces and remain a cheerleader. And even worse, she dug that knife further into her back when she told Eleanor that Brittany had been purging. After promising she would keep her mouth shut.

God, why did everyone automatically have to jump to the conclusion that she must be bulimic when they heard her barfing? Why couldn't they just buy it when she told them it was a virus or something she ate? She needed everyone to just mind their own business and, for once, focus on anything but her!

Besides, why should she save any of those traitors from Missy anyway? After the way they treated her, she really didn't feel like doing them any favors. Even if it would somehow benefit her. So no reason to worry about going easy on her knee for their sake.

But then there was performing in concerts with her sisters. Something she had been in love with since she was in diapers and prided herself on being the bandleader of The Chipettes. And why wouldn't she enjoy being the leader? It meant she always got to tell her sisters what to do. Not that she really needed an excuse for that anyway. She was the oldest.

She also thought about the feeling she got when she performed on stage. How she loved all the attention she would get for it. All eyes being on her as she sang her heart out in that angelic voice of hers. The warmth she could feel from underneath all those spotlights. The sound of music from all around her, which would only help her feel even more energized. The audience watching in awe as she would pull off some super complicated dance moves that even many performers who had been at it for longer than Brittany had still struggled with.

Even if she might have been able to live without cheerleading, could she really just give up performing so easily? Was she seriously just going to let her knee deteriorate to the point where she was going to have to permanently retire from her career? The one thing she had been the most passionate about her entire life?

And if her knee didn't end up being her ultimate downfall when it came to getting back to performing in full force, what about her singing voice? She had noticed every now and then, her throat would become sore and scratchy. So far, it didn't seem to have any effect on her singing. But what would happen if she didn't stop sticking her fingers down her throat?