Off-Screen (무대아래에서) | Haobin

Hao POV: Debut (데뷔)

Hao's always been meticulous about planning his life. He changes his plans frequently, and he allows himself to change his mind if his heart has changed. But once he sets his mind to something, he likes to plan far in advance in order to achieve his dream. It's worked for him so far. This strategy led to success at home in his academics and in his college life. It allowed him to learn Korean to fluency. It led to him placing first in Boys Planet. Even in another country, he can look forward to the promise of success as a pop star.

But Hanbin doesn't fit neatly into the clean plan he set for himself to become a huge K-Pop star. Hanbin isn't a goal, or even a dream. He's more like... a fantasy of Hao's, one that seemed so good he didn't think it would come true simply because there was no strategy he could concoct to produce Hanbin. Meeting Hanbin was just pure, dumb luck, like finding a diamond in a zinc mine. He expected to run into other gay men in Boys Planet -- and he did, plenty of them. But Hanbin ticks all his boxes, and Hao quickly became deeply immersed in him. Even becoming roommates in Zerobaseone doesn't feel quite close enough. He's roomed with Hanbin before, and he had no annoying habits that dampened Hao's attraction to him. He's clean to a fault. He's considerate, also to a fault. His dedication aligns his schedule closely with Hao's, so they end up in the practice room at the same times and going to sleep around the same times. And then there's the fact that he's gorgeous both with or without clothes, and as distracting as that is, it's another very welcome distraction.

Hao is genuinely concerned that his obsession with Hanbin is going to interfere with his goals in K-Pop. Hanbin derails him constantly -- whether at home or at practice -- and Hao has never struggled so much to focus before. Usually, he's single-minded, but now he's dual-minded -- he wants to become the best performer of the fifth generation, and he wants to be the perfect boyfriend to Hanbin. If someone asked him to pick one... Hao has no idea what would come out of his mouth. Probably garbled nonsense.

He can see the depth of the devotion he feels toward Hanbin clearly when they watch clips of themselves, or when they review their practice videos. The way he looks at Hanbin is impossible to mistake, and it unnerves Hao every time he sees such an expression on his own face. He's not trying to moon at Hanbin. It just happens. He can't control it, even when tries. The only solution is to... not look at him, if he can help it. But once practice is over, and once his concentration is no longer needed, he gravitates toward him like Hanbin's the sun to his solar system. He's the closest thing Hao has to family in Korea, and that feels... almost frighteningly important now that his whole life is set to double-speed chaos.

He knows their manager can see it, too, because she finds gentle ways to separate them, especially when they're on camera. They don't take the same car or sleep in the same camper when they film their mini reality show, Camp Zerobaseone. They find ways to be together anyway, but Hao notices how they get separated from time to time by "chance", or how their interactions are mostly edited out. He's not surprised, but it still hits him a little funny. He's had to grow a tough skin to make it this far, and he's used to dusting himself off quickly, but he still needs a moment when he finds evidence that supports his pessimistic attitude about the Korean entertainment industry.

They let them film together for certain things, such as promotions. They are the top two in terms of overall popularity, after all, and that comes with its perks. They can't separate them all the time, and they seem to profit from the same light-touch flirting that Boys Planet exploited. Hao is happy to supply this because it's still something, after all. Even a small step in the right direction feels large to him, and he'll take it.

Hanbin is usually oblivious to these things, but he starts to notice. After they screen Camp Zerobaseone, Hanbin turns to him and just lifts one eyebrow. Hao shrugs in response, unable to hide his deep pessimism. Hanbin, always the optimist, looks confused, but stays quiet when their manager asks them if they liked the final cut.