Off-Screen (무대아래에서) | Haobin

Interlude: Matthew POV Part 2

Author Note:

Taerae plays "I'm Gonna Love you" by Do Kyungsoo (of Exo) in this chapter.

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They barely see Poland. Gunwook complains a lot about missing out on trying the food, since they only have time to eat take-out pierogi and golabki. Gunwook's into food, and he's always waxing poetic about good food. Matthew enjoys good food, but his excitement about food is more... nonverbal groaning. Gunwook elegantly describes flavors and feelings about food when he gets excited, and Matthew just likes to listen to him go off. He's mostly sad that he misses Gunwook's spontaneous poetry.

In London, he and Ricky were the designated translators again, so he had to pay close attention to the group and the WakeOne staff, but in Poland he gets to space out without that responsibility weighing on him. Even though they don't get to sightsee, at least they see some beautiful old buildings on the drive to their rehearsal. They get stuck in traffic multiple times, so Matthew has plenty of time to check out his surroundings. He's interested in the different architecture and style of the two cities. London had more muted tones and greys, but Warsaw has more spots of bright color. He prefers that.

The stadium is the biggest they've performed at yet, seating over 50,000 people. Matthew gets the kind of nerves he hasn't had since their Fan-Con, singing in front of that many people. But the cheers from their Eastern European fans are overpowering, and he receives a lot of healing energy from all that love. He walks off stage with a kind of bone-deep relief that they did well and their fans appreciated them.

Even though the concert was amazing, Matthew's ready to go home. Jetlag is weighing on all of them. Taerae's in a bad mood, but he's trying his best not to show it this time, which Matthew appreciates. Ji-Ung Hyung keeps falling asleep in weird places. Hanbin Hyung is completely wrapped up in Hao Hyung, which usually means that he's exhausted. When Hao Hyung had COVID, Matthew realized how dependent Hanbin Hyung had become on Hao Hyung for his energy and strength, and now he can recognize when they're pulling more from each other. They get very... clingy.

He watches them eat at the airport while they're waiting to board their plane. In London, the airport staff allowed them to board way ahead of other passengers to avoid the chaos. But not this time. They're waiting at the terminal just like everyone else. There's a wall of fans with their cameras pointed at them that the airport staff is managing about a hundred feet off. They couldn't find nine seats all together, so they're spread out over several rows of seats. Hanbin Hyung is a few rows over with Hao Hyung, carefully feeding some kind of Polish dumpling to him while Hao Hyung plays on his phone. Occasionally Hao Hyung will look over at Hanbin and open his mouth like a baby bird, and Hanbin Hyung will deposit a dumpling in it. It's not that unusual, what they're doing. It's the kind of thing close Korean friends would do for one another, too, not just lovers. But there's such a tenderness to the way they treat each other that Matthew can't help staring.

There's no hesitation between them. There's no uncertainty. It's like watching one person in two bodies. They're actually pretty different people -- despite how Hanbin always insists they're so similar -- but they just trust each other so completely that their actions together are seamless. It makes Matthew ache with jealousy.

Why can't he let that happen with Gunwook? Hanbin doesn't have any old relationship scars that he's told Matthew about, but Matthew is sure that Hao Hyung's been burned before based on the stories he's told him. So how did Hao Hyung move on from that and learn to trust his partner so completely? Sure, Hanbin Hyung is pretty amazing, but... so is Gunwook.

Matthew doesn't have a good reason not to trust Gunwook.

He used to be more like Gunwook -- attentive and thoughtful, earnestly devoted. He used to be such a good boyfriend. He's always had great skin and a beautiful smile, so he was never unpopular with girls, and he dated a lot in high school. But he didn't get really popular until after he graduated high school and started lifting weights. Before that he was too slender for Canadian beauty standards. He complained about it to his friend, and his friend took him to the gym and taught him how to lift properly. Soon, Matthew's body was something he took pride in.