Off-Screen (무대아래에서) | Haobin

Interlude: Matthew POV Part 1

Author Note:

I've had quite a few requests for a Matthew POV, so here it is... I think this one will be 2 parts, like Gunwook's POV.

*남동생 (namdongsaeng) means "little brother". It is used for close relationships between older and younger men/boys. It can be used for both blood relatives and good friends. I am going to use "namdongsaeng" instead of "little brother" for this chapter to describe Matthew and Gunwook's relationship because it's totally bizarre in English to talk about romantically liking your "little brother" -- it just doesn't translate at all.

---

Matthew picked the right career path for someone who loves to be loved.

Matthew loves to perform, but if he's honest with himself, he loves his fans more. He still can't believe he has actual fans now, and that all his effort and practice paid off. His fans send him thousands of messages every day; they pay money just to talk to him and get his signature. It feels amazing to be adored like that, and Matthew's grateful every day that he finally made it this far. As a trainee, he was never certain he would make it. Even on Boys Planet, when he ranked in the top five consistently, he still didn't believe he'd debut at the end of it all. He doesn't like to get his hopes up too high or think about the future too much. He's always been someone who's just trying to work hard, enjoy life, and make good friends along the way.

His Zerobaseone brothers are very good friends to him, and that alone makes all he endured on Boys Planet worth it. He values them so much, and he feels unbelievably lucky that he ended up in such a sweet team. In terms of age, he's right in the middle, so he has both hyungs to care for him and namdongsaeng* to care about. His parents are always reminding him that this is the Korean way -- and that he needs to be Korean in Korea -- but he doesn't need the reminder. He might be Canadian, but no one has to teach him how to be Korean. It's in his blood. His parents raised him in the Korean way since he was a baby.

He tells his parents that his brothers like his Canadian ways of doing things, too. Most of his Canadian quirks are well-received by his Korean and global friends. The biggest cultural adjustment he has to make in Korea is to de-emphasize his individualism. He's no longer a "he", he's a "we". In Canada, individualism is the gospel. But in Korea... he risks looking selfish and cold if he embraces that Canadian value. He has to continually remind himself of all the things that count as "selfish" here. There are both little and big things. The little things are usually easy adjustments. He used to just get himself a snack if he was hungry. Now, he buys extra for his brothers because they always assume he'll share. The big things... those are more difficult adjustments. Privacy and autonomy are relative terms here, and people ask intrusive questions of him all the time that Canadians would never ask him. If he refuses to answer, or tells them to mind their own business, they label him cold and uncaring rather than just private. He understands when these questions come from his fans -- they're just excited to get to know him -- but when they come from people who are older than him or who have power over him, he has to answer or risk his relationships. That part of his inherited culture rubs him wrong every time.

His brothers are much more understanding of his cultural differences. They both accept him and provide him guidance when he needs it. At first he only had Hanbin Hyung to look out for him, but he quickly grew closer with Ji-Ung Hyung on Boys Planet. Then Taerae became his good friend after they joined Zerobaseone. He gets along well with all the other members, but for a while these three were his closest friends in Zerobaseone.

When Gunwook started to get close to him, things became... more complicated.

The change in their relationship was startlingly abrupt. They were always friendly on Boys Planet, but nothing more than that. One day before their debut, Gunwook just started to initiate more skinship with him. On the spectrum of skinship tolerance, Gunwook is on the lower end, along with Taerae and Ricky. In Canada, skinship is uncommon between boys, so Matthew was always unbothered by his more reserved brothers. He personally prefers more skinship and likes that part of Korean culture, but he doesn't need skinship in his relationship to feel close with someone. But when Gunwook started initiating more skinship with him, Matthew enjoyed that he seemed to be an exception for him. He made a special effort with Gunwook, too, to get to know him more and understand why Gunwook decided to change their relationship. They have a similar sense of humor, and they laugh together a lot. They also have similar interests. Matthew figured these were the reasons that Gunwook decided to get closer to him, and why Gunwook started to look at him with a kind of adoration that Matthew usually only sees from his fans.