Off-Screen (무대아래에서) | Haobin

Interlude: Ricky POV Part 2

When Ricky wakes up, he first registers the smell of Gyubin, which is one of his favorite things. Gyubin usually smells good, even when they've been practicing for hours; it's a special quality of his. Ricky's been feeling like shit lately, but this morning he doesn't feel that way -- he doesn't feel lonely and frustrated, he feels... content. Relaxed. But... as soon as he registers why he feels that way, the panic hits him.

He's used to waking up with Gunwook occasionally. A warm, platonic weight at his back isn't strange... but... it's Gyubin, and he's definitely naked. His forehead rests between Ricky's shoulders, his arms around Ricky's waist, and he's snoring slightly. What happened last night comes back to Ricky slowly at first, then all at once.

His first panicked thought is that he was so desperate to get Gyubin back that he just gave him what he thought he wanted. Ricky's heartbeat thuds in his ears as Ricky gently turns and tries his best to disentangle himself from Gyubin. It doesn't work because Gyubin is an octopus, and instead he ends up with Gyubin's angelic face directly in front of him. Then Ricky remembers why he did what he did; it wasn't to make Gyubin feel better, it was... because he wanted it.

Ricky wants him. He probably always has, but he mistook it for... art appreciation? Or something equally stupid. Gyubin isn't art. He's warmth. He's caring. He's physical touch. He's things Ricky never got a lot of before, and now Gyubin gives them to him in excess, and he makes the sharp edges of the world much softer because of it. It makes Ricky feel desperate when Gyubin withdraws from his life and those sweet things all but disappear. Ricky... loves Gyubin, and he wants him, and that's why... he slept with him.

He's thinking about these things when Gyubin starts to stir. Ricky strokes his cheek gently with his thumb until Gyubin's eyes flutter open. Gyubin looks confused for a moment, too, but then realization flickers through him and he smiles at Ricky. Ricky... melts.

Kind of shyly, Gyubin leans in and kisses Ricky. It's an innocent kiss, given the state of both of them.

"Ugh, you have morning breath," Gyubin comments, his face twisting. "I didn't expect that from you."

Ricky immediately leans away from Gyubin in embarrassment, covering his mouth and breathing into it to check his breath until he notices the mischievous glint in Gyubin's eye.

"No I don't," Ricky calls his lie. He leans back in, and Gyubin laughs before he kisses him again.

"What is your secret to always smelling so good?" Ricky asks him, stroking his shoulder this time. "Tell me."

"Just good hygiene." Then, with another teasing look, "Maybe eating a lot of spicy food..."

Ricky frowns at him, and Gyubin giggles. Ricky hates spicy food.

But he does loves seeing Gyubin smile.

"So." Gyubin moves closer, still kind of shyly, and hugs Ricky. His skin is warm and smooth, and... it makes Ricky want to do other things. "Why... what happened last night?" He sounds nervous as he asks this. "I thought... you didn't like me...that way..."

"I thought I didn't either." Ricky looks at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down a little so he won't roll Gyubin over and get on top of him again. They need to talk first, that's obvious. "I do."

"So I didn't make it all up in my head?" He sounds so happy.

"You didn't -- I did." Ricky smiles in chagrin. "I guess I kept thinking I was straight. I... ignored what I was feeling for you."

"So you were flirting with me?" Gyubin asks him again.

"Yes, of course. I just didn't realize I... meant it."