Chapter 17

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That night I lay cold in bed. The only witness of my pain is my bed, my pillows that is always the one who shoulders my tears every night, and starry stars planted in the night sky watching me from above.

That night I didn't eat dinner, shut mom out and detached myself from everyone. I let my own emotions eat me up because I am so caught up and tired to eat up my emotions just to not held anyone accountable for what they're making me feel.

I stayed up late crying my heart out on the sheets of the mattress.  My body is curled up in a ball as I wrapped myself on the comfort of my blanket. And minutes after that, when my heart is as heavy as the skies, I slowly felt myself drift off to Dreamland with a heavy heart and a swollen eyes visible on my face.

...................................................

One Week Later

It's already been a week since Freen and I last talk. On those weeks all she do is avoid me, when we bump into each other in the hallways she always turned on the other side of the way just to not bump way with me. And to say I am not hurt is far fetched. Having her avoid me is killing me a thousand times than the way she broke my heart, but it's my choice.

I asked her to give me space.

I know that space can create barricades and limitations on our relationship, but I know it's for the best.


I don't wanna risk her my heart anymore.



I slump myself on the couch on the IDF office as all of us gathered there today for some shoot. Freen sat on the other side of the couch, away from me and the conflict we had never go unnoticed in the company.

Irin asked me what happened between the two of us but I sealed my mouth. What happened that night stays between the both of us. It is confidential and I don't want anyone putting their noses on our business.

It's also been a few days since Irin last spoke to Nam, Tee and Kade. She was persistent on shutting them out too just like what she said to me and no matter how much I told her just talk to them, she won't budge. This girl is a stubborn young lady.

I scrapped my nape looking at the ambers and the skyscrapers neighboring our company. Then suddenly I saw someone on my peripheral vision making their way to me and when I looked up. I saw Nam, Noey and Kade.

"Bec?"

"Hm?"

"C-can w-we t-talk t-to y-you?" Nam asked nervousness illuminated on her face.

"Sure." I replied briefly and all of us walk out of the room and everyone's eyes fix on us. Including Freen's. And I saw something on her eyes.

Is that regret?

But before I could meet her eyes, I tear my gaze away as I followed the three of her friends all the way to the cafe.

"So... What do you want to talk about?" I ask the moment we settled on the chairs.

Nam, Noey and Kade nudge each other about who speaks first so I repress them from wasting any of my time anymore.

"Guys if you won't speak up i'm leaving." That seems to work since Nam sigh in anticipation before looking at me.

"Bec... I know this is probably too late but we just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize for what?"

"F-for l-lying to you Becky. It was never our intention to do it. We we're even telling Freen to tell you the truth but she said she was waiting for the right time." Nam started fidgeting her fingers.

"There is no right time unless you make it right Nam."

"I-w-we know Bec... That's why it's making us guilty. We lied to you about the truth but our intentions we're pure. We just wanted to protect you too, and same goes with Freen. If that will be broadcasted Freen will be in a rage and at the same time it will also affect you."

"But that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me Nam. If she is afraid it will be broadcasted why didn't they put curtains around Seng's condo so that paparazzis can't spy on them?" I snap. "Oh my bad, I forgot Seng don't have any work. I bet it's hard for him to even afford curtains." (Insert what a shame sound effect lol just kidding)

"You we're given a lot of chances to tell me Nam, but why did you choose to shut your mouth?  Why did you choose to seal it? I know you were just protecting Freen but why is it so unfair P'Nam? Why didn't you look at both sides of the situation? Freen and I are partners, love team, but why do when it comes to Freen everyone seems to forget me?"

"Bec it's not like that." Noey replied. "It was never our intention to provoke and make things escalate more.  We just wanted to protect both of you not knowing that it is also the reason why this is happening."

"We we're also thinking about you the moment we knew the truth Becky. But we respect Freen to, she asked us not to tell you yet unless she do. She was waiting for the right time to tell you."

"How many years do it need until she can finally see the right time? I know if that issue alone wasn't spread around she would never tell me the truth.  She will still say it still wasn't the right time yet. But it was too late, because before the issue spread I already know they are a thing.  I was just so blinded to see it."

"We are sorry Becky. I know this apology alone is not gonna fix anything but we are truly guilty for keeping it away from you. " Kade.

"It's just killing me how all of you lead me on to hoping we can be more than just screen partners by shipping us together. It's killing me to think that everyone around us tease us with each other without me knowing that Freen already have someone else in her heart. It was painful if you were on my shoe. It's a kind of pain where it aches little by little and all of you we're adding salt on my wound. It was the kind of pain where I sometimes want to rip off my heart and stop it from aching but I can't. I can't do anything about it, I have to leave with the pain. But it never disappeared, I just happened to forget it."

"We are so sorry Becky. Tell us what can we do to make it right." Nam held my hand between hers but I smiled bitterly.

"That's fine. I forgive you. What's done is done and I am not sticking my nose on it anymore. It's already in the past. Let's just live again and set that on the back of our minds."

"Bec—"

"Don't P'Nam. It's over now. I forgive you." I replied shutting P'Nam out.

"If you don't want to be friends with us that's okay Bec. You have all the right not to be."

"I told you I already forgive you Noey. Just let it go. There is just one thing I wanna tell you..."











All of them tense up as I inhaled fresh air slowly.


















"I already made up my mind... I'm leaving for England. And it's for real now."


















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