Runaway | Damoria

Chapter 18. Drive

Victoria

    For the rest of the night, the only thing that remains stuck to my mind is Ethan's phrase, assuming what I've known for a while now – that I fell in love with the man I swore to myself I wouldn't even think of. My heart is stuck and it can't regress from this feeling nor go further past it. All it beats for is him now. I turn my head to Thomas, who's leaned against the wall, outside the restaurant, casually chatting with his date, puffing the smoke out from his cigarette.

"Hey, Vic?" Says my best friend, turning to me, quickly making me snap out of my thoughts. "Do you mind if I go over to Ethan's for the night? You can take my car on the way back," he asks hesitantly, not knowing if I'm okay with his decision.

"Of course, Thom don't worry, you don't have to ask me," I let him, know, a warm smile spread all over my lips. "I'm gonna get going then," I say, after Thomas hands me his car keys.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I hear him say, as he approaches me and hugs me, letting me go shortly after his enveloping embrace loosens.

    I get into his car and start the engine, driving away into the dark, yet restless city, a short sense of comfort taking over my chest. I let my thoughts flood my mind as I'm looking at the road, going through every memory, analyzing it and them moving on to the next one as I'm calmly driving through the dark streets.

    All I can seem to think about is him – the man that has made me irrationally fall for in love and I feel tranquil as I'm slowly admitting to myself my true feelings, letting fear aside.

    Then I remember her, and the smile that was spread on my lips when I let my emotions act on my behalf is gone, sadness substituting the brief calmness state I had found myself falling into. All the intrusive thoughts I tried to keep shut burst out, staining the little hope I thought I had for a moment.  I try to focus on the road, failing desperately when a single tear tickles its way down my cheek, followed by another one.

    I'm letting myself down as I'm seeing myself getting defeated by yet another war inside me. I can't seem to stop, disappointed that my tough façade doesn't convince me too, like it would convince others.

    My breath gets caught and, in this very moment, the wish that I weren't the one driving creates a new sense of fear inside myself and I stop trusting my own senses, the idea of a calming drive I thought I'd have suddenly turning into the worst decision I could've taken.

    I try to take a deep breath, filling my lungs with air and use my right hand to wipe the tears that are blurring my vision away, clutching the steering wheel forcefully with the other. For a moment, that seems to work, until next breath comes and air remains stuck in my throat once again.

    I feel the urgency to pull over, as I'm not in a good condition to drive anymore, fear tightly gripping my heart as I feel the loneliest I've ever felt. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing, failing at every attempt, my heart pumping blood as fast as it can through my body, making my hands and body shake violently.

    I swallow what's left of my pride and start to frenetically search for my phone inside my purse, quickly dialing the number of the only person I can think of, in a dire need of the slightest moment of peace, knowing that maybe the aftermath will probably be worse. With shaky movements I press the screen of my phone, trying my best not to drop it, and call Damiano.

    I'm completely going against everything I once said I stood for, all my prideful self falling into a toxicity only my own vulnerability can seek. I hear the phone ring once and surprisingly at the second ring he picks up.

    "Hello?" I hear him through the phone, confusion but also concern staining his voice.

    I try to articulate his name, or any word yet the way I'm hyperventilating doesn't let me get a single word through.

    "Victoria? What's wrong? Where are you?" He asks alarmed, tears of frustration threatening to spill from my eyes as I can hardly let air inside my system.

    He's sensing I'm in a bad state as I'm paralyzed by fear, unable to speak nor think properly, "Text me your location, I'm already on my way out," he says with a steady voice, and I follow his instructions, successfully sending him my position. "Okay, hang in there, I'm coming," I hear before he hangs up, and I start longing even the empty company the quick call provided.

    Time seems to stay still as I'm remain trapped in my own body, screeching noises and gasps filling the inside of the car as I fail to try and calm myself down. Fear doesn't let its grip loosen, as dark figures pass by from time to time, hoping it's him.

    I suddenly hear a car pulling over behind me and I gasp when I hear the door from my passenger's seat open, revealing the man I was expecting.

    "Vic!" He whispers alarmed, his scent invading the whole space, a particular smell only he carries, making me wish I could bottle it and wear him with me all the time. "What's wrong?" He doesn't dare to touch me and so I'm the one to take the step and lean into him, making him envelop me in his tight embrace, in a desperate search for some warmth, looking to melt the ice around my soul.

    I start sobbing uncontrollably, only knowing I'm grasping something unreachable, something I'll lose in a matter of minutes, hopefully hours. I'm surprising myself with my reaction, all emotions I've been bottling up up to this point finally bursting out, making me I feel like my chest has been cut open since the day I arrived.

    "It's okay," says him soothingly, his voice a balm to my wounded soul, curing what's been hurting and cutting me open at the same time. "Breathe, in and out," Damiano takes my head in between his hands, brushing a few strands of hair away from my face, the sound of his fingers going through it amplified by my now altered senses.

    He looks deeply into my eyes and starts showing me how to slowly inhale, taking my hand to his chest, letting my sweaty palm rest against his shirt. I cough when I try to copy his actions but try again, refusing to let myself fall further down. "Inhale, calmly Vic, c'mon," he encourages me and my hand grips his shirt, my knuckles turning white from the force I'm trying to regulate through my body.

    When the first dose of air seems to get to my lungs he praises me, and I can only try and focus on the way his chest moves, my body now instinctively doing the same on its own.

    "That's it," I feel his lips come in contact with my sweaty forehead and then he proceeds to bring me into his arms once again, a few hiccups leaving my body as my breathing finally steadies.

    "Damiano," I start, ready to put my body and mind through another ordeal, as I'm urging to ask him the reasons behind everything.