Victoria, Rome, late February, 2022
I arrive at the apartment a couple of hours after leaving what was the strangest and most unexpected hangout. I close the front door behind me, my mind never giving me a second to rest. "I'm sorry for ruining your attempt to drink your problems away," keeps ringing inside my head and it makes me realize that I have to break the pattern that has been restraining me for years now.
I decide to remain in the living room and see if Thomas appears, so I take a seat on the brown leather sofa, bringing knees close to my chest. I feel like I have neglected my best friend, all lost in my own thoughts and worries, drowned in my sea of darkness, like I lost the ability to look after my loved ones, a skill that I had developed with so much practice. He was very cautious when it came to love, since it scarred him deeply in the past, suffering took over the idea he had about love, so making such an important step to go out with somebody after so long must have been a big deal to him, yet I wasn't there for him.
My overthinking engulfs me and I don't even realize when the key switching inside the lock sounds through the apartment, opening up the door to reveal Thomas, folded up in his leather jacket, tossing the keys onto the coffee table.
"Oh, hey!" He sounds almost surprised to see me, "What's up? You've been out?" Asks him taking a seat next to me, pointing at my attire.
"Yes, just for a walk," I let him know, omitting the rest of the information.
"Mm-hm," responds him ironically, "I ran into Damiano on my way here," admits him, letting me know I can't get away with the slightest lie.
My sense of curiosity outshines the previous topic I was having with Thomas and I almost can't control my mouth when I ask "Where was he going?", full of interest.
I feel like I saw something different in him today, his interest and the way he knew how to read me like an open book, for as much as I hate it, felt strange.
"I don't know, out with some chick," says him carelessly and I feel a weight falling into my stomach, all the previous thoughts I had about him were now gone. "The thing is, he saw you at a bar," says him, giving me a stern look.
"I know, I'm sorry," I look down ashamed, knowing that I can't make him go through what we have years ago.
"You can't run away from your problems like that, Vic," continues him, a little more sweetness added to his tone, "it kills me to know you're struggling and that I can't do anything about it," he takes my hand in his.
"I'm sorry," I try to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall uncontrollably down my cheeks.
"Stop saying you're sorry," he cuts me off, "I just want to make sure that you know you can come to me," he speaks genuinely, "We can find another way to cope instead of shutting off, please," he begs me, "It won't do you any good if you keep on like this, Vic."
"Okay, I promise," I tell him, fully crying now, realizing the opposite of what my evil demons have been trying to convince me of, that I'm alone in this. He opens his arms and embraces me into the most pure and truest touch, the hug of a real friend. All of my emotions seem to let loose, everything that I have been keeping inside of me setting free my tears, sobbing in despair. Thomas is the only one who was able to tell me the things by their names, he gave me the reality of everything I did, it never mattered if it was good or bad.
"Thank you, Thom," I whisper in between sobs, trying had to contain myself in fear that my sadness could transmit to him, yet the opposite happens, I can't seem to keep myself from crying desperately. All the emotions overwhelm me and my chest feels tight, with hurtful memories replaying in my mind.
"It just hurts so bad," I cry.
"I know, sorellina," whispers him, with his most soothing voice, "It's okay," he runs his hand through my hair.
When I manage to calm down, I break away from the hug, drying my tears with my hands. "I'm fine," I reassure my little brother even if he hasn't asked and he gifts me a smile in return.
"So," I start again, trying to switch topics, "Damiano told me you met someone," I tell him and he laughs at the conversation theme I chose.
"Yes," says him laughing, "I met him the day we went to the club."
~
Dedicated to my best friend, amoreodiamanti
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Runaway | Damoria
Fanfiction"How long is it going to take for the battle inside of ourselves to be over?" That's the question she kept asking herself just before her battle was over, as another one begun.
