Fuck You Gallagher

starting to hyperventilate, I couldn't do anything but lay naked here.

TW TALK OF RAPE AND SUICIDE

As we walk back to his apartment I could feel anxiety course through my bones, my face uncontrollably dropping every now and then.

Logan hasn't said a word

Eventually we arrive at his apartment. It was way nicer than mine, then he opened the door it was like we entered into a fucking african mudhouse.

He had cow skulls everywhere and fuckin rugs pinned to the walls, the walls were... Red? I'm guessing I don't know, all the curtains were pulled there was this weird blue light that didn't really seem to have a source.
I couldn't see where it was coming from.

I know what I did see though some sort of cane, a seeing cane i think.

I didn't care as this was just a fu...
Fuck. We are here to fuck
Logan finally speaks up "you ready?"

I nod and suddenly he holds my wrist, I snatch it away, ain't no fag holding my wrist.
Logan just nods reasurringly to me

"follow me then"
He introduced me to a bed
"top or bottom?" I ask while I unbuckle my belt, only doing this if he gives the right answer

"top" he starts removing his clothes
"good answer" both of us were naked in his room now, he is fuckin ripped makes my stick out stomach look stupid.

Logan beckons me to turn around

I turn around and rest my arms on the bed, anxiety coming in.

He preps my hole slipping one finger in, I'm hard as fuck.
Two fingers in.... Fuck
And in goes finger number three
I'm could cum right now

He pulls his paw out "ready"
"y.. yeah"
He aligns his penis with my hole and puts it in

Suddenly memories of prison, juvie, svet and every childhood memory of being forced sets in, and I realised how much I needed trust to have sex now, this guys dick was bigger than ians and it hurts and his hands are too warm, and I can't breath so what did I do?

Sobbed on the pricks pillow

"No, no, no! Please stop... P. Please! Get the fuck off me!" my voice is croaked and panicked, I've only sobbed in front of Ian like twice before and here I was sobbing on Logans pillow.

Logan being the gentleman that he is he pulled out immediately. "hey, it's OK shhhh"

Pissed that he treated me like a toddler I screamed at him "Fuck off! You bitch... you fuckin.." i was losing my shit I was in the corner of the bed holding the blanket for dear life sobbing, if terry could see me he'd fuck me up and I wouldn't blame him.

Logan got dressed and left the room.

I sobbed into my own shoulder being the amazing gymnast that I definitely am.

Why did I let him.. I have a boyfriend, how could Ian sleep at night doing this shit. I can't get the dude from jail out of my head or svetlana

I called ian

"Ian.. Please.. Ah fuck come home I... Can't... Don't want to please."

"mick...whats wrong baby, why you crying" he says in a shushed voice

I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders and I sobbed harder

"Ian... Can...."
He cuts me off

"mick I'm sorry baby I can't I'm busy with lips..."

I hang up on him, starting to hyperventilate, I couldn't do anything but lay naked here.

I have been suicidal a few times before, when I was in jail for almost killing Sammy, before I met Ian, and when dad found out I was gay and my whole family left me, also led to me being raped, a few of my suicidal ideations were worse than this some were not as bad as this. All I knew was I felt the need to throw myself over a bridge.

Still hyperventilating and sobbing logan returns with water and a big ass blanket.
He crouches next me
"Are you ok my love?"
All I could let out was gasp rocking myself gently with my eyes closed.
"can I wrap this around you?"
I shake my head violently
"OK.. OK" he folds it placing it next to me

"water?"
My face just crumples up pathetically
"would you like the light on?"
I nod.
He walks out of the room
I didn't care, I just wanted to rock, I was making a lot of noise, the bed was creaking for a different reason logan would think it would be tonight, but I knew it would end like this, I'm a stupid prick i don't deserve Ian, im evil, I let Ian watch as I fucked svet...
My thoughts were interrupted my logan returning with sunglasses and a cane. He turns the lights on

He crouches next to me again
"you OK my love" he says soothingly, his accent making the words sound like honey, it was definitely african anyway.

I let out another pathetic whine as I rock
" you're gonna give me pink eye with your butt all over my pillow" he jokes

"you look stupid with your sunglasses" I retort

Logan laughs "can we wrap this around you now man?"

I nod, he wraps it round me, I was hoping he would just lightly drape it around me, but he wrapped it around my back making me flinch and gasp

Logan retreats immediately
"it's OK...shhhh".
I rock the night away desperate for affection.
It's been 2 hours of me rocking letting out the occasional cry untill logan wraps an arm around me
I don't do anything but rock harder

"is this OK?"
I nod
Logan rubs my side "this?"
I nod again
After about 20 minutes I calm down.

I hold on to the giants arm, my body easily able to wrap around its gargantuan size.

I rock mumbling apologies
"shh it's OK my love.. I understand"
I got a bit angry, how could he understand, but I just wanted some affection

This is the first affection I've gotten in forever and I just wanted to melt in his arm.

I mumble sobbed to myself thinking of how useless and shitty my life is.

How useless and shitty I am.