I'm Not Yours

7. I Can See You

"I've been watchin' you for ages and I spend my time tryin' not to feel it. But what would you do if I went to touch you now?"
"You won't believe half the things I see inside my head. Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet"

Yes...no...yes...fuck.

I've spent the rest of the day trying to process the information I learned and I haven't been able to actually understand anything about it. Because I have no idea if it's actually true or not.

Does Steve actually like me or is Emely as delusional as I am? I can't tell which option would be worse. On one hand, if he doesn't then nothing changes. He and I are still just friends and I can excuse Emely's assumptions as her trying to find a reason why her and Steve didn't work out. Which I completely understand. I've definitely convinced myself that a guy was gay just to ease the rejection.

On the other hand, if he does like me I have to deal with what that means going forward. Surely he would have said something if he did right? If, like Emely said, she could see it since a month ago, maybe he's been feeling like that since we met.

But then why go on a date with Emely? Why just let Bucky and I start this thing with each other. Why–

"Hell of a view right?" I hear someone say, and I turn around to find Bucky leaning against the wall, as if he was watching me. "Even at night."

I smile as I turn back towards my chosen view.

There's this balcony extended just before you make the final turns towards the rooms. It's the one place where the outside lights don't reach so the night sky is clearly visible. Even on nights like tonight, with a few clouds hanging around, it's such a peaceful spot. And it's a nice place to find some quiet.

Bucky comes over, taking the spot right beside me. "How's your ankle?" he asks.

With my legs extended out in front of me I'm still taking care of it. But I lift my foot up, slowly turning it to show its mobility. "Good. Almost fully healed."

So...fucking...weird.

I still can't believe how quickly this happened. Within a few hours a sprained ankle feels like nothing but a sore muscle. The crutches are back against the wall, but I don't even feel like I need them anymore. I can step on my foot and limp, only feeling slight discomfort at this point.

Thank god for Steve. He really did take great care of me throughout the whole thing.

...Steve

Behind my confused mind about what he might be feeling about me, there's actual concern for him. I don't think he's told anybody that he's not actually dating Emely. Which makes me worry that he's not talking to his best friends like he should be.

"Are you alright? You look pensive." Bucky says, noting my spaced out look. "Shit did I interrupt something?"

I turn to look at him, noting the panicked look on his face. "No. Just..."

Oh fucking shit...

I haven't even thought about the possibility of having this discussion with Bucky. I mean, I'm not even sure if there's anything to discuss yet. And what if there is? What does that even mean for us? He's not my boyfriend or anything, but we did promise to be honest with each other so if anything was going to change on my side, the honest thing to do would be to tell him about it? But what am I going to tell him? That his best friend might have a crush on me. Would he end things between us because of it? Would I want him to end things?

I don't know enough to say anything yet. So for now I need to keep this quiet.

"...enjoying the view." I say, finishing my sentence. I can see Bucky's eyes narrow, and I have a feeling he doesn't really believe me. But he doesn't question it. Instead he looks out letting the peace of the night come over us.