I'm Not Yours

17. What Do You Mean?

"You're so indecisive of what I'm sayin'. Tryna catch the beat, make up your heart. Don't know if you're happy or complainin'. Don't want for us to end, where do I start?"

Bucky...

I turn in a half conscious state, stretching out across my bed.

My bed?...no, I'm not in my bed.

The events of last night start coming back to me and I remember why I'm not in my room.

Bucky.

The memories of him holding tight to me as we fell asleep together slowly start to bring me awake and I start to open my eyes. The first thing I notice is that I no longer feel the weight of Bucky's body on me. I suddenly remember that I didn't feel any resistance earlier when I stretched out my hand. Which means....

My eyes fully open and I see that I'm alone, not just in the bed, but in the room. I sit up, trying to look over to see if maybe he's in the shower, but the silence around me gives me the answer. I look over at the clock on his nightstand. It's 7am. Bucky gets up and goes for a run with Steve at 6. But when Steve isn't here, or can't make it, he likes to sleep in. Maybe he went on his own, but I know he hates going on runs without Steve.

I don't want to make this about me, because clearly he had a really hard night, but I can't help but wonder if he left because he woke up and found me in bed with him. I know he was the one who grabbed onto me, but he was in such an altered state last night that I'm starting to think that maybe he regretted what he did.

Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with me and he just needed to clear his head alone. Either way, waking up left alone in the bed of a guy I'm sleeping with who opened up to me a little last night, does not feel good. I contemplate waiting for him wondering if he might take offense to me leaving, but it would be worse if he wanted me to be gone and I was still here.

So I get up and quickly leave, heading back towards my room. I immediately go and get my phone that I left charging on my nightstand. I see an update from the other's mission, saying that they're on their way back and should be here within the hour. I let out a sigh of relief to know they're okay and they'll be home soon. I try to put this whole Bucky thing out of my mind because I don't want to overthink it. I take a quick shower and by the time I finish changing and drying my hair I get the notification that the team is landing soon.

Despite knowing they are safe I feel like I need to see them before I can be fully calm. I quickly rush out, practically running to the hangar. By the time I get there the quinjet has just touched down.

I head closer as the ramp starts to come down and the first person out is Steve. I feel a swelling feeling in my chest once his eyes find me, and I find myself walking even faster towards him. He takes a few strides and then we're close enough that I can throw my hands around him. He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me slightly as he crushes me to him.

"Thank god." I say, hating how worried I was about him. He's fully capable of taking care of himself on a mission, but I couldn't help but panic.

"I missed you too." Steve says with a playful tone.

We hold onto each much longer than we should, but I can't bring myself to separate, and he doesn't give me any signal of doing so either. But eventually I initiate it, knowing we'll probably have others talking by now. When I can see Steve's face again I notice a small cut and some bruising on his cheek. Their mission got physical, and I'm kind of glad I didn't know that, otherwise I would have freaked out even more than I already did. 

"We're fine, thanks for asking." I hear Nat say as she passes us. She gives Steve a teasing smile and I can't help but feel like they might have had a conversation about us. Maybe I should have warned him that I told her.