Bellflowers || Fyozai

33|| Drugs Don't Work

Hello ^-^! 

How are you all? 

I hope you are all doing fine ^-^! 

Warning! 

This chapter contains hallucinations and attempted to murder. If you don't like it or are uncomfortable with it, please don't read it! I won't tolerate any hate comments! 

If you decide to read enjoy ^-^!  

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It was another sleepless night for Fyodor. He didn't remember what kind of nightmare he had seen, but he could remember the deformed images he had seen in the dream vividly. Yami was still whispering, telling him to die.

Fyodor didn't notice the bandages around his hands were bloody again as he clenched his fists tight.

These scars were nothing... He had worse scars on his body...

He walked to the bathroom which was attached to his room and took his white shirt off.

He hated his body.

He hated his scars one more time.

"Die... Die... Die... Die... Die..."

Yami chuckled and chanted.

While he was looking at his skinny which were full of countless scars, Yami's voice began getting louder and louder with every second. To make Yami quiet, Fyodor punched the mirror. The warm blood of old and new scars was dripping down between his fingers. He loved this feeling. He wanted to feel it more.

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Fyodor is in complex mood. Sometimes he is aggressive and sometimes he is just... Silent... Today he seemed helpless and asked me if I could help him. He mentioned about Yami for the first time. Even though he didn't say it clearly I could see how scared he was. I have never seen him like that before. I don't think these much drugs make him any favor, so I will leşsen the dose of the medicines.

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After he wrote his daily report, he went to Mori's office. As the head of the ward, he had to know about the doctors' treatment.

Mori read the report which Dazai wrote. "Dazai, are you sure about the decision of giving him less medication? Fyodor Dostoyevsky did not make any positive progress until now. No matter how many times doctors gave him medicines, they couldn't stop him from self harming."

Dazai frowned. "Because they were using the wrong treatment." Mori was surprised. He didn't expect Dazai to be in a different opinion than him. He knew Dazai since the times he was his pupil. "The main treatment for dissociative identity disorder in psychotherapy."

Mori let out a deep sigh. It was clear that he definitely didn't approve Dazai's decision. "I don't think he is in a right head space to communicate with other people. Are you sure that your decision is right?" Mori asked in an attempt to change Dazai's mind even though he knew it was impossible.

"Yes." Just like he expected Dazai had stated his ideal firmly, making it clear that he definitely didn't have any intentions to change his mind. "Because this is one of the situations which medications do not work well in psychiatry. Medications only reduce the symptoms, they fail to bring the dissociated minds together. Therefore, they do not provide a permanent improvement."

Mori stared at Dazai for a while. He was definitely impressed. Dazai must have spent hours for researching. He then pulled out a file and handed it to Dazai. "Everything Fyodor Dostoyevsky did is in this file. He should be happy that he is observed by doctors instead of the guardians. As his doctor, you should tell him to learn some self-control and not to push his luck."

Dazai didn't even looked at the file, he just threw the file onto Mori's desk without saying anything and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

"Osamu Dazai!" Dazai heard Mori called out his name, but he ignored.

Mori let out a sigh. Maybe when it was about Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Dazai didn't mind about Mori's ethics and ideals at all.

From this perspective, this young man reminded Mori of himself.

As always when he was alone, memories of him trying to escape flooded his mind. Without a second thought he grabbed some keys and made his way toward the certain room. He unlocked the door and stared at the man who was sitting on his bed.

Mori closed the door and unlocked it. "Hello again, Fukuzawa."

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Dazai couldn't believe in his eyes when he saw Fyodor was standing in the middle of a blood pool. There was a sharp shard of a broken glass in his hand and the blood was still dripping from the fresh wounds on his palm and his wrists.

"Fyodor..." Dazai let out a gasp. When Fyodor turned toward him, Dazai knew something was wrong. These eyes were not belong to Fyodor anymore... It seemed like... There was no humanity in these eyes... Not to make Fyodor, or whoever it was, angry he spoke with a softer voice as he was slowly walking to him. "Give it to me... Please..."

"Stay away!" He clutched the knife tighter and walked toward Dazai.

Dazai began walking backwards until his back touched against the wall and he couldn't go back anymore. "Calm down..." He knew it was not Fyodor who was standing in front of him. It was scary... Something was telling him to run, but Dazai's body didn't obey him... He just helplessly watched as he was walking toward him...

"I'm sick of you bastards." Fyodor, or whoever he was, spoke through his gritted teeth. Dazai was now cornered between him and the wall. Dazai cursed under his breath for locking the door from inside. It would be late for him to run away or until someone will come to help him.

Dazai tried grab his wrist in an attempt to snatch the shard of glass away, but he was faster than Dazai. Dazai looked down when he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and saw the blood was dripping onto the ground.

He stared at the shard of glass, now held firmly in the other man's grasp, as a few drops of blood slowly dripped down.

The other man glanced at the blood with a hint of triumph in his eyes. It was then that Dazai realized he was at the other man's mercy. Looking up at him, he felt powerless, yet oddly resigned. He could see his own blood was making a pool beneath his feet. "Good night, doctor." When he felt the other man's breath against his skin, Dazai knew he already had lost the battle and darkness took him.

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After a while Fyodor felt like he was jolted awake. When he saw the scenery in front of him he was shocked. Dazai was laying in a pool of his own blood. "W-What happened here?" He asked even though he knew that he wouldn't get an answer.

He sobbed and knelt on the ground without caring that the blood was staining his clothes. He pulled Dazai into his arms and clutched his body. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He whispered over and over again as the warm tears dripped down his cheeks onto Dazai's face. 

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Hahaha cliffhanger! 

Last 2 chapters to final... 

Next update will be tomorrow! 

If you love my story, please stay tuned ^-^!

I love you all ^-^~! 

See you in the next chapters >~<~!