Bellflowers || Fyozai

16|| Surrounded By Darkness: Ayao's Path To Hope

Hello ^-^! 

How are you all? 

I hope you all are well! 

Recently I'm not doing so good, but well I think because of stress... 

I have an exam next Sunday and I won't lie, I'm extremely scared. 

Because of my dyscalculia, I can't make any positive progress in Math, but well... I will try to fight with it and solve at least a few questions. Or maybe I should not... Because 4 wrong answers erases 1 right answer... So... I don't know what to do yet. 

They always say it is almost impossible to pass this exam in your first year, but I want to pass it... I really don't want to waste a year for nothing... 

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my problems lol! 

I think there is no need for warnings this chapter lol! 

So enjoy! 

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With a face that could have been carved from a stone, Ayao walked home in the bleak night. He stared at the ground in deep thought, his mind was replaying the events of the day that had sent him into a downward spiral of depression.

As he arrived home, Ayao shuffled into his bedroom, overwhelmed with despair. He sank down onto the bed, not bothering to take his shoes off. He simply lay there in the darkness, whispering to himself, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

It felt as if the darkness had enveloped him, its grip crushing him further into the depths of his sorrow. He tried to focus on the good things in his life, his lover and the hope of things would be better someday, but his mind could only dwell on the current moment and the sadness of it all.

He eventually fell asleep, his hope for a better future entagled in the darkness of his despair. He did not know that on the other side of the darkness, the sun was slowly rising and a new day would soon bring a fresh start.

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As Ayao curled up on the covers, tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't even sure why he was so upset. It just felt like something was missing.

Just then, he heard the door to his bedroom which he had been sharing with his lover open. Nikolai had come back to home from his part-time job, so Ayao quickly wiped his tears away and sat up in bed, but Nikolai already knew that Ayao had cried.

Nikolai came over and sat on the edge of their bed. He wasn't going to talk about what had happened yet, he was just there to offer his lover comfort. He started by gently stroking his hair and then slowly pulled him into a comforting hug. They sat in silence for what felt like hours and Ayao realized that this was exactly what he needed. Nikolai held Fyodor until he finally drifted off to sleep.

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The sun was setting on a summer Friday evening when Ayao and Nikolai decided to take their date night from the typical night out to something a bit more special, a night in.

Equipped with a delicious charcuterie board, a bottle of Ayao's favorite wine and Netflix was open. The two were ready for a movie night.

They got cozy on the couch, glasses of wine in their hands, as the opening credits for the romantic comedy they had selected began to roll on. As the movie went on, the couple let themselves slip away together into the world of the film.

With every laugh from the movie, Ayao's eyes would dance to meet with Nikolai's, who was next to him still remained the most captivating and beautiful thing in the room.

Their night was an intimate and memorable one, complete with shared laughter and cuddles and when it eventually came to an end, Ayao and Nikolai couldn't help but feel like their night in had become something much more than the typical date night.

Nikolai hadn't been to a book store in years and he couldn't believe his luck when he stumbled into one while he was walking with Ayao. Nikolai smiled, looking around at the diverse selection and breathing in the smell of thousands of books. Ayao caught his eye and smiled back.

"We should get each other a book." Ayao offered. "Something to remember this special moment."

Nikolai agreed and together they set off on a journey around the shelves. Nikolai had always been a fan of mystery novels, so he spent a while checking out the new releases, while Ayao was drawn to dystopic novels. They wandered the aisles, discussing the merits of this book over that one and eventually each had a pile of books in their hand.

They choose a few books for each other, based on their own preferences and made their way up to the register. When the cashier told the total cost, Ayao took out his wallet from his pocket. Nikolai smiled, looking up at him. "No, I will get this." He said.

Ayao agreed reluctantly and looked a little sad as he spoke. "I wanted to get them for you too...

Nikolai leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "That's sweet, but these are our books. We choose them together."

After they paid and left the store, hand in hand, Nikolai couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. They had found something they both loved and had created a shared memory. He looked forward to getting home and logging into their shared bookshelf to add their new selection of books.

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That night, they were cuddled up on the couch side by side trying to stay warm as a cold fall evening had rolled in. It seemed one of the perfect moments to indulge in a past time they both had grown to love: reading gay romance novels.

Nikolai had picked out this particular novel which Ayao choose for him, 'They Both Died At The End' by Adam Silvera and, as usual, neither of them expected the work to be as emotional as they were experiencing it. As they read out loud to each other, they found themselves deeply moved by now how well the story was written.

By the end of the book, their hearts were heavy. As Nikolai closed the book, his eyes filled with tears and he hugged Fyodor closely.

"What will you do when I'm gone?" Nikolai asked even though he already knew the answer."

"I will die with you." Fyodor said without hesitation.

Even though Nikolai already knew he would give this answer, he was still taken aback. He did not Fyodor end up his life just because he was gone. He wanted Fyodor to have a future, to live and enjoy life.

"Promise me something." Nikolai said.

"Yes, anything for you." Fyodor said.

"Promise me that you will live your life to cherish the memories we had together and that you will eventually move on and make new memories without me." Nikolai said.

"I promise." Fyodor said reluctantly even though he knew that he may not be able to keep his promise. 

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So... I have the first exam next Sunday, so when I came back I will update hahah! 

Next chapter will be updated in July 23! 

I started to write chapter 26 right now, because I don't want to make you all wait for weeks, so I want to keep some chapters ready beforehand lol! 

If you love my story, please stay tuned! 

I love you all! 

See you in the next chapters!