Me,god,father, and this stupid idiot

Too much.

I woke up because my father was yelling at someone. I checked my clock and it was four in the fucking Morning. I changed myself and got down to brush my teeth. I tried to not get any attention from father, he was CLEARLY not in a good mood. i maked myself breakfast and waited for my Father to see that im awake. I dont want to got to school. 

"Travis. As i see, you are awake already."

i looked over to him and nodded. My Father sat down at the Table and also made himself breakfast.

"We need to talk."

No no no! I didnt do anything wrong- What..?! OH SH!T HE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE FIGHT. NO NO NO! dont cry. dont shake dont show any emotion. You will Stand for the things you did wrong like a man. Dont be fucking p^ssy.

"i heard you got in a fight again. Why is that? Explain yourself young man"

i started to get angry, but i pushed that down. My father wants the best. he just has a harsh way..I just-  want to scream right now. should i lie? tell the truth??!? if i tell the truth i will get in so much trouble, but if i dont and it comes out, i have no idea when i will see daylight again. I breathed in. just tell him what happend. 

"i-i- they were whispering about me and were mocking me s-so i..punched one o-of them."

shit! i need to stop stuttering. dont show emotion. i did wrong. 

"Is that the only reason?! YOU CANT EVEN LIVE WITH TWO PEOPLE MOCKING YOU. You are a dissapointment. A coward."

Just nod. Its true. I am a Phelps. And i dissapoint my father, bloodline and god almost every Day. I just want to be..someone else. But they are wrong. They are sinners, and will NEVER be loved by God. So i need to get better. 

I could feel my father punching me in my Face, hitting really hard. It hurts. dont cry dont cry. I looked at my father, covering a Part of my face completly emotionless.

"Today you will pray for your sins. If that happens again i will have to clean you from your sins."

My Father glared down to me, fist still cleanched. his face has this hatefull, Disgusted look again. I tried not to shake. May god forgive me for my sins, that i did wrong, and that i dissapointed the lord and my father. that i put shame to my name. May god have mercy on me and help me to find the right path. Amen. i said a small prayer in my head, clutching my cross tight.

"You may go to school now. I dont want to hear ANYTHING from you again. Understood?!"

I nodded. I was suprised i got away with just that but i was greatfull. maybe god had mercy on me. I packed my stuff, walked to school and went into class. First subject today was English. 

Class was suprisingly chill for once, people werent shouting around the WHOLE darn time. I still didnt feel my best today, i hope no one does something stupid. 

Of couse lunch was absolute Terrible, Everyone was loud, eating and two guys also had a fight or some shit. I already had a fucking headache and everything was so loud i just want to scream. After what felt like hours lunch break was over and i walked to my next class. I devintily had to high hopes because of course they didnt stay calm. I really tried to focus on class, but i couldnt. my eye hurt from the punch this morning, i had a headache, everything was loud and i was scared to go home actually. But thats normal so eh. I dont have to be scared, i mean i know he just wants to lead me ont the right path but sometimes its really fucking terrifing. 

"Travis. Do you know the answer?"

OH YEAH OF COURSE WHEN I DONT PAY ATTENTION FOR ONE TIME.

"no im sorry i dont"
I Heard people in class laugh. I fucking Hate this. I want to Scream and cry. I feel the Anger Rush trough me. I turned around to See who was laughing at me. Fucking Alex. Im going to kill him.
"If you wouldve paid Attention to class you would know"

"Yeah If you arent to stupid to actually do that travis"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU IDIOT"
I couldnt even think right now. I Just stood Up, walked over to Alex and Punshed him, leaving him with a bloody nose. After a Minute or so i realized what i Just did. I fucking punched him. I looked down, and there was a little Bit of blood on my Fist. oh shit- oh FUCKING SHIT. My Dad cant find Out about this i- FUCK.
My Hand was slightly shaking now, my mind racing. I looked at the teacher who of course noticed that. But what she didnt notice Is him making fun of me. I Just Hope for my live she doesnt Tell my father.

"TRAVIS PHELPS. You will have detention tommorow. This cant Go Any longer Like this, one more time and i will have a Meeting with you And your dad. Now sit down."

If im lucky enough, she doesnt Tell my father about this. I Hope i can get away with that- oh goodness If i ever Go Out of Control again...a Meeting with my father and a teacher- im scared. I cant keep lashing Out Like this. I got on my place, sat down And Tried to do something and concentrade on class But that was almost Impossible. I looked down on my hands, one still Covered in a small amount of blood. Im still Mad. Very much. I feel Like im going to explode. Everything is to loud, people are staring at me, What will Happen, how i can hide this from father, everything. It was just- too much. I Just Hate this. After school was over i Just rushed to Home, i Made a plan how to hide it and honestly i Just want away. I took a breath in and Out and put my Hand on the doorhandle.

(The next chapter will either come very very soon, or very late. Probaply soon But-🤷 maybe i will write the next one now... We'll See!vi hoped ya enjoyed, there will be very much Trauma and stuff in the next chapter so be prepared 🥰)