Me,god,father, and this stupid idiot

a new friend.

(im so sorry for Not updating for ages ahsvwh i Had alot stuff going On)

I walked Home And as soon as i got there my father grabbed me.

"You will be writing bible Pages down today. Because you forgot bible study."

But.. didnt i already get a punishment? But i guess i still have to Catch Up on the Work. Fine. Whatever. My head was already full of other things But who Caresss? Plus if i even question It the slightest It would Just make Things worse for me.

"Okay."
I walked into my room and father followed me and watched me write Pages down, Word by Word a slap accross my face whenever i Made a mistake. I didnt make much because well- i already knew what happend If i did. Finally done, some dried tears in my face father left me in my room. Four Pages. Four damn Pages. My face Burns and stings. Its around five PM. I Drew Something, i didnt Really get a Chance to Draw Something the past few days. Not that im super good at It. But Sometimes it helps me calm down a Bit. Mom used to Draw aswell i think. Fuck i cant recall much about her. But i know she Loved me. She was great. Until one day she was gone. I dont remember what happend. Sometimes i Miss her. Anyway. I remembered Sal gave me his number when He found me- crying. In the bathroom. Lets Not remember that right now. But i could maybe..Text him? And Apologize maybe. I didnt even know why i Punched him i Just were so angry at... everything. And He was nice to me so i should Atleast Apologize. I want to Atleast make Something right. I hesitated for a Moment But then grabbed my Phone and Texted the number. "Travis Phelps here. Sorry about today btw" and a Minute later i became a Text Back: "Apologie Accepted. Do U want to Talk about smth?" Yes i do actually. But No way im going to Tell him anything. I Said sorry, thats it. That would Sound super dumb: 'yeah actually im in Love with your step brother who pretty much hates me and my father would actually Off me If He found Out any of this'. No way im telling him that. What i could however ask Is for Larrys number. Not that i would actually Text him. But it would be nice to have His number i guess. So i could Text him when im nearly dying again. Or..No. Just for that. Just for emergencys. "No. But i have a question" Shit. Am i really Doing this right now? Oh my goodness. "Sure, what is it?"
Fuck. Okay lets get this over with.
"Could i have johnsons number?"
I hate my Life, what am i Doing.
"Uhm- k Sure why Not. Here u go" Sal Texted Back with the Number under it. I sighed. I have His number. "My offer to Talk still stands"
Ugh. Doesnt He realize i dont want to Talk? I mean i want to But Theres Just No way im going to. "K" and i Layed my Phone to the Side. Another sigh. I think i Spend Like the next 30 Minutes thinking If i should also Text Larry, and also apologize to him. I wrote a Text already Like four Times, But didnt send it. Then i threw my Phone on the bed. I leaned against the Wall and closed my eyes. And tough about everything i could do, and what would Happen. None of them was 100% Sure and some where risky. I dont know what to do. Maybe i should Talk with Sal. Maybe He... can Help. Im patethic. I can do this by myself. I grabbed my phone, and attempted to Text Larry again. I couldnt do it. I Just cant. Maybe i have to high self respect to aplogize to him, maybe i was to scared, No Idea. This is- so so fucking stupid. I hate this! I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS. I punched my pillow. Im so fucking angry. Why am i Like this. 40 Minutes later i layed on my bed, bruised hands from punching the bed, tears Still in my eyes. I cried myself to sleep.
Next mornig i woke Up and was scared for a Minute im to late for school But quickly realized its saturday. And there was a cult Meeting today. i changed, walked downstairs and greeted my father, who seems stressed But mostly Not too angry. Wich was good. What wasnt good however is that Theres a cult Meeting today.
"Mornig Travis. You are aware of the Meeting today, i Hope?"
"Yes father."
"Good."
And with that He walked away. I ate a little Bit and walked Back in my room. I wrote in my diary, wich i have negtlected alot latley. After i was done i checked my Phone, But obviously No one Texted me. Im still thinking If i should Talk with Sal or Not. But a few Minutes later my father shouted to get down, and that the Meeting is now. So early? I Hurried and walked down, following my father. After we where there i changed again and very soon the other cult members came. It was pretty much the Same as usually. I was glad No one was Offered today, it is disgusting to Look at. I talked with a few people before my father Said Something about Our god and stuff Like that, and we all prayed and everyone stayed for a Few more Minutes. Then father Said goodbye to eveyone and i could leave already. It was Like- 1pm now. Father was busy for the Rest of the Weekend. I will Talk with Sal, my Life cant get worse anyway. So i Texted him "could i come over today" few Minutes later i got a Text Back. "Sure! Just come whenever" then He told me where exactly He lives. I still struggled to actually Go there, i dont wanna be a Patethic loser. Then i stood Up anyway, and walked to Sal.
"Oh hey travis!"
Sal greeted me and waved. Hes still weird, But maybe Not that Terrible.
"Hey."
I didnt Really know where to sit, i only ever Hung Out with Phillip when we were Kids so i have No idea what to do at all. So i Just stood there, looking around the room. Then Sal talked again.
"You can Just sit down on the bed i dont mind"
I hesitated at First But then sat down on the bed. This is really fucking akward. I want to Tell him about- Larry and stuff But i cant. Its sinnful and i shouldnt Tell anyone about this. So i Just sat there. In silence. Everytime i Tried to speak it was Like someone Held my mouth Close.
"..so..is there Something you wanna Talk about or nah?"
Sal turned to me. Shit. If i Could i would Tell him. But i cant. So i Just Said: "No."
"Alright. Oh by the way, it could be that Larry comes over later too. I Hope you dont mind as much ahaha"
No. Fuck. Fucking Shit No. If course i fucking mind. My Hair didnt Look as good today, i- fuck.
"Whatever"
Just- fuck. He could have told me this earlyer. Shit. I want to Shake Sal right now and ask what the fuck is wrong with him. But i Tried to keep calm, and took a deep breath in and Out. Alright. Johnson comes over later. Not that of a big Deal.
"Does He know im Here?"

"I told him that i Offered you to come over soo- i think so"

Okay. Oh man. This was a terrible Idea. I Just spend the time panicking, and Sometimes Had a small Talk with Sal, wich was really annoying Sometimes, But it was a distraction. And after a while Larry came in. He looked at me for a while before sitting down infront of the bed. My Heart began to beat faster again. I hate this so much. I looked away. Larry gave  Sal a fistbump.
"Hey Lil man!"
"Hey Larry"
And then they talked for a Bit. Suddenly Larry Looks at me.
"Also what got you Here Travis? Didnt expect you to Actually come."
..He seems more chill then when He usually Talks to me. Well usually i insulted him First. But still.
"Hmh"
And they kept Talking again. I kinda felt Like a Ghost, But thats whatever. Sometimes i could say Something to whatever they talked about. And then Larry Had the genius idea to Play truth or dare. I didnt want to be a Pussy so i Just agreed to playing with them. We Played for a while, and Luckyly No one asked a stupid question. Later we Played a Game. It was around 5pm and i realized i Had to Go, even If Father is busy, im Not really in the mood to get in Trouble. So i Said goodbye and walked Home. I got Into my room and let myself Fall on the bed. I cant really decide If this was terrible, or actually Kind of nice. I mean i kinda got to know Larry better. Hes still a dumbass. And a iditot. But Hes also Kind of nice. I guess. And He Looks nice. I didnt Really realize that my thoughts wandered Off, until my father shouted.
"I Made Dinner, get your ass down And come to eat already."
Father Made dinner, rare ocassion. It never really taste that good, But Atleast i dont have to Cook Something. I quickly got downstairs and sat on the Table. This time whatever father cooked looked.. Not..really tasty. I Said a Table prayer and took a bite Out of it, it wasnt that Bad. So i ate my food Up, thanked father and walked upstairs again. This time i fell asleep pretty soon and way easier then usually.