(basically travis has a breakdown, sneaks Out to Larry and opens Up a Bit, And Larry comforts him)
(they are silly at the end because i Need it right now, But that wont Last Long)
(Also sh Trigger warning)
Its late at night, im laying in my bed with a small light and thinking of my Life. its been like- a few days since me and Larry have been- Sort of together. I still cant Believe this is Real. That He actually Likes me. That im- gay. And that for him. When im with Larry, it feels Like its okay. At least Like its a Bit more okay then it actually is. Its a horrible sin, and its disgusting and shamefull. Im starting to realise what is actually happening. Im gay. And im together. With a Boy. And i Kissed him. And we held hands. I feel disgusted by myself. I shouldnt have told him. This is wrong. I will burn in hell for this. I felt tears Form in my eyes. I am patethic. Why do i have to be Like this? Why cant i Just be fucking normal and Like a Girl? Why cant Larry be a Girl. I Hope god forgives me for this. I Hope father doesnt find Out any of this. He would kill me. I dont think If that would be the lighter punishment for that at this point. Im A Sinner. A disgusting, shamefull, patethic, weak Sinner. I shouldnt have let this Happen. I sat Up and Put my hands together and pray that god forgives me for my sins and to be there for me. I sighed and Fell down onto my bed. What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?? I cry, Like a little Kid and lay in my bed, hugging a pillow. Im a disgrace. I walked downstairs to the bathroom, to wash my face, i feel so disgusting. I looked in the mirror, and noticed my Brown Hair color growed Out way more, and that my Hair was getting longer. I will propably Need to dye it blonde again soon, along with a Haircut. I also noticed that the stupid bruise still wasnt completly gone. I Put Off my Shirt and stared at the bruises and Cuts Covering my Body. Disgusting. Im fucking ugly. Inside and Out. How can somone even Like me the slightest Bit. How can someone...Love me. How can you Love this. Im messed Up. And that all Just because I cant be good. Because im Not good enough. And never will be. I felt my hand forming a Fist, and i felt the Anger starting to build Up. Im Close to punching the mirror, the only Thing stopping me is Being scared that father wakes Up from the noise, or him screaming at me or worse for breaking the mirror. I sit down And leaned on the Wall. I Just wanted to Scream right now. I Need to Beat someone Up. To get my mind Off of Things. To feel the Adreline. I Punch my fists against my legs and cry again. Im such a fucking loser. On a shelf lays fathers razor. I stared at It for a while. I stood Up, and locked the bathroom and stood infront of the shelf. I continued to Look at the razor for a while, before Taking it with shaky hands. Come on you fucking coward, do it. I sat down again, the razor in my Hands. I took a deep breath and took Out the Blade and layed the razor to the Side. I Had the razor Blade in my Hand, that was still shaking. I took a breath again, closed my eyes and placed the Blade on my arm. This is what you fucking deserve. To be Punished for your sins. For Being a fucking dissapointment. Fifteen Minutes later i walked Outside the bathroom, a Bleeding arm and dried tears on my face. I layed on my bed and cried again. I dont know why, But i Texted Larry. I didnt Tell him What Just happend, that would be Attention seeking and weak. And i dont want to be or Look Like im vulnerable. I Just Texted him a simple: "hey". It was Like 0:30 so i dont expect He Texts me Back. I turned around in my bed and stared at the wall. Nothing Else i Just stared at It. Until my Phone Buzzed. I turned around again and Took the Phone. A Text from Larry. Why the hell- fuck is this iditot Still awake?
"Hey trav! Why aare you stll awkae man?"
He cant fucking spell. Iditot.
"Firstly dont call me that. Secondly, you cant fucking spell you Idiot, and i wanted to ask you the Same Thing"
"My aplogies. anyway im justt finnisfing a painting. Soo waat anbout you? Whatt keeps you awake?"
"Please learn how to Text. And nothing that is of your concern."
"Its dififcilt okkayy man?"
"Comee on Dude tellk me"
YOU ARE READING
Me,god,father, and this stupid idiot
Acaklarvis fanfic because we can😘 also we want a somewhat accurate thing, and Not Just f*cking or travis Being barley Like Travis (If its shitty sorry i never wrote Something or anything 😭)
