why isn't that me anymore | sapnap+dnf

325 8 3
                                    

Short

Tw death, suicide, sh, jealousy
Requested by -_Ollie_-

Sapnap pov

My beautiful boyfriend died a few months ago randomly one day I'm not entirely sure why I just found him in the bathroom laying there cut open his arms completely slashed and a knife on the ground pills all over the floor. I feel really guilty I don't know he was hurting I never asked I never helped him.

I see now how much he was wasting away before I found him he rarely spoke or moved and never smiled anymore gosh I miss the smile he used to have, when it was real and genuine when he never covered it or stopped himself.

He was perfect absolutely fucking perfect.

I moved back in with dream and George after it so I wasn't alone but I didn't realise how much of a toll it took on me seeing how much the care for each other and how dream is always taking care of him.

'Maybe if I did that he'd still be alive' I kept thinking it almost drove me mad at the thought.

Seeing dnf together constantly reminds me of him and how he used to act, when he was happy at least.

I remember when I took him to prom how stunning he looked in the lilac dress he wore along with flowers decorating his hair he looked so good but he never thought so he always wanted to be cropped out of pictures completely always standing on the side so they could.

I began to notice tell tale signs I should of known sooner.

The thought of him drove me mad until I couldn't deal with it as I went to go join him somewhere else somewhere we could be alone just us and nothing else matters.

Whoop angst let's go lol

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