It was November. Three months had passed since Y/N came back from Busan, and two months had passed since she last heard Jay's voice. The decision to block his number weighed heavily on her heart, and the absence of his daily messages and calls left a void she couldn't fill. She missed him more than she had expected, and the guilt gnawed at her every day.
It wasn't just the physical absence of Jay that saddened her; it was the knowledge that she had pushed away someone who had cared for her deeply, someone who had stood by her during the darkest days of her grief.
But she knew he deserved better and deserved more than the confusion and guilt that seemed to live rent-free in her heart.
Each day seemed to blur into the next, as she went through life without truly living. But it was better than burdening someone else and dragging him down with her own struggles. Jay would understand. He was always there for her, and maybe, just maybe, he would find it in his heart to forgive her for shutting him out.
"Congratulations on your new house." Yejin rolled her wheelchair into the place, looking around her and at the surroundings. "Mom and Dad said they love your place."
"It's not much, but it's a fresh start." Y/N smiled. "Plus, it's quite close to work so that's a bonus."
"Is that all you do these days? Work and try to distract yourself?" Yejin asked, her tone gentle but probing. She knew her sister well, perhaps even better than Y/N knew herself. "What happened with Jay? Where's the necklace he gave you?"
Y/N sighed, her smile fading slightly. "I put it somewhere safe, hidden away. I didn't want to see it and be reminded of what I did. Yejin, I blocked his number, shut him out completely. I thought it was the best thing to do. What you said was true, I shouldn't move on from Sungho that quickly."
"I said that out of frustration, it doesn't mean whatever I blurted out is right or true. Jay loves you, Y/N, more than anything and I've seen it in the way he cares about you."
"Are you trying to make me feel worse? Because that's what you're doing right now." She sat down on her couch and looked away, trying to keep herself from breaking down. "I know what I did was wrong, Yejin. I pushed away the one person who cared about me the most when I needed him the most. But is it so wrong to want to protect him from my pain?"
"But you're protecting him from your love too," Yejin replied gently, letting out a sigh. "Your house is beautiful. It's the same design as Jay's place, right? That's why it feels like home. You're still holding on to him, Y/N, whether you realize it or not.
Yejin rolled her wheelchair out of Y/N's new home, giving her sister some space to process her words. She wondered if Jay had any idea how deeply Y/N still cared for him, even though she had blocked his number and tried to distance herself. If he blamed her for pushing him away, or if he ever thought her love was only temporary.
It wasn't. It never will. Y/N had been afraid, overwhelmed by grief, and had made a decision she thought was best at the time. But in her heart, she had never stopped loving him. She had pushed him away not because she didn't love him but because she loved him too much to burden him with her pain.
Days turned into weeks and she busied herself with work. She spent time with her friends but after what happened with Jungho, they stopped prying or talking about Sungho. It was a good distraction from the painful thoughts that lingered in Y/N's mind, and somehow, she managed to convince herself that she was doing the right thing by keeping Jay at a distance.
"Is there a problem with the program?" She approached her coworker and peeked at his screen while she waited for her coffee to finish brewing in the office kitchen.
"Yes, I don't think this works the way it's supposed to," Her coworker replied, pointing to a specific line of code. "I've been trying to figure it out, but it's been giving me a headache."
"You should take a break. We can work on it together later," Y/N suggested, giving her a warm smile before she patted her back. She wanted to be there for her friends, her coworkers, and the people she cared about. The more she could help, the less she had to dwell on her own inner feelings.
She leaned against the counter, watching as her coffee dripped into her mug when her phone started ringing. It was an unknown number and she lightly frowned before answering it. "Hello?" There was a long pause, and for a moment, Y/N wondered if it was just a telemarketer or a wrong number. But then she heard a familiar voice on the other end.
"Hello, Y/N," Jay said, his voice filled with hesitation. "It's me, Jay." Hearing his voice after all this time sent a shiver down Y/N's spine and made her realize just how much she had missed him.
"Oh, Jay," She managed to let out, not really sure how she was supposed to feel at this moment. Relief, sadness, guilt, and love all rushed through her at once. She tightened her grip on the phone, her heart pounding in her chest. "Why are you calling?"
"Why?" He repeated and she could hear the soft sigh that followed. It felt as if he was right there, standing in front of her, his presence filling the room. "Didn't you miss me, Y/N?"
Y/N's eyes welled up with tears as she listened to him. She had longed to hear his voice again, but now that he was here, she didn't know how to respond. "I think... I think it's best for us to not continue like this, Jay," she stammered, her voice trembling. "I blocked your number for a reason. I thought it was for the best."
There was a long, deafening silence and she thought that maybe that was it. That was the end of their conversation, and she had pushed him away once again. "Mr. Park? The president is requesting your presence in the conference room." The sudden voice made her look at Ms. Choi, the president's assistant, who was standing a little far away, talking to someone. And that someone was none other than Jay.
Her breath hitched when their eyes met. She could see the hurt, the pain, the longing, and the love that was slowly creeping out of his gaze. He nodded to Ms. Choi, acknowledging the request, but he didn't break eye contact with Y/N. It was as if time had stopped and she stood there, frozen in the office kitchen, her coffee now forgotten.
When Jay darted his gaze away from her and walked away, she knew that she had messed up. But the seasons changed. They had met in summer but now it was Autumn; the leaves were falling and their love story seemed to be falling apart too.
