"Sungho, my boyfriend of six years, got into a car accident and died," Y/N muttered, a sad smile on her face. It was the first time she had spoken those words, the pain they carried so raw that it made Jay wince in sympathy. The two of them were sitting on the floor in his room, against the wall next to his bed. She had been crying for the past ten minutes or so, and he was there to let her cry on his shoulder.
He didn't say anything, just sat there next to her and listened. He was indeed curious about who Sungho was to her because it seemed that he broke her heart a lot. But Jay had no idea that what he did was being buried six feet under.
"It was May," She said after a silence. "Sungho and I loved going on picnics near the Han River... it was nice and refreshing."
Jay looked at her when she stopped talking and looked down. "Hm," He mumbled, letting her know that he was listening. It meant a lot to her that Jay was there, willing to lend an ear, even if he didn't fully understand her pain.
"One day, we were going on a picnic and Sungho was coming to our house to take me... but he never managed to do that." She let out a heavy breath and closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. "He was on his way, but a drunk truck driver crashed into his car."
Jay's heart dropped. Accidents like these happen all the time, but it got to him because he was the owner of a bar. His job was to serve alcoholic drinks to people, and he made her do it too. It was a heavy burden to carry, realizing that the very thing he and his bar were associated with – alcohol – played a role in the tragedy that took Sungho's life. "I..." He started, trying to say something, anything, but he couldn't. His lips remained parted but nothing came out.
"No one knows the pain of having to lose the person you love overnight... it's hard to understand it if you haven't felt it before." She muttered and leaned on the wall. "And what's more frustrating is people thinking that they know how you're feeling. They act like they care and that it hurts them too when in fact they don't give a fuck. They offer empty condolences, expecting you to move on and pretend everything's okay. But it's not okay. It will never fucking be okay."
"I never heard you curse." He softly spoke, gently breaking the silence that followed her passionate outburst.
"Oh," She turned to him when she spotted the faint smile on his face. "I didn't mean to be so harsh."
"I don't know about your pain, Y/N, but I'm sure you've been hurting a lot... and that you're much stronger than what you give credit to yourself." He said, eyes closing as he leaned back on the wall. "You know what? It feels quite unfair to only hear your story so I'll tell you about mine."
"Is it sadder than mine?"
Jay let out a soft chuckle. "I don't think sadness can be measured like that. We all go through different experiences, and they affect us uniquely." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "But yes, there is a fair share of sadness in my past too."
"I see." She slightly nodded and he took a deep breath, his eyes gazing into the distance, lost in the memories of his past.
"I lost my parents at a young age, in a fire accident that also took away our home. It was a devastating tragedy and it left a void in my heart that seemed impossible to fill. I felt abandoned, alone, and overwhelmed by grief. Then I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle but they didn't know how to handle a grieving child and so... my uncle kicked me out. I was just a teenager, left to fight for myself in a world that felt cold and unforgiving."
"Oh." Her eyes softened and her heart ached for him. She looked down at her fidgeting fingers, trying to come up with anything to say. There was none; she couldn't find any right words.
"I was adrift, it was as if life had abandoned me, and I didn't know where to turn or how to keep going. I just wanted to disappear, to escape the pain and the loneliness." It felt like his heart was about to explode as he talked about those dark and desperate moments from his past.
"I can't imagine how overwhelming it must have been. You've been through a lot," She muttered, hugging her knees closer to her in an attempt to comfort herself.
"You too," He breathed out, a faint smile forming on his lips. "But it will be okay."
She shook her head. "What if it's not?"
"Trust me, Y/N, things change," His smile softened as he gently squeezed her hand. "Pain takes time to heal, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it. But at the end of it all, it will go away. Perhaps not fully, but it will become more bearable with time.
For some reason, Y/N wanted to believe him. She wanted to think that there would be a better tomorrow where she isn't broken anymore. A tomorrow where she's healing happily. She rested her hand on his arm and gently tapped on it. Once, twice... it was an attempt to comfort him and let him know that it would be alright, even though she wasn't very sure about it.
"Thank you," He said, resting his head on her shoulder as he closed his eyes. "I hope we find that we find a beautiful tomorrow together, Y/N. So, don't give up." A little smile found its way to her lips as she slightly nodded, resting her head on his as the two of them slowly drifted to sleep.
It's weird how vulnerability draws hearts closer, how when we lay bare our deepest sorrows, the walls we built around ourselves crumble. It's like we're comforted by the fact that others can understand our pain, or perhaps because we feel like they keep us company on this journey of broken hearts and utter sadness.
We feel at peace, somehow, because we're not alone.
It was late in the night and the two of them were sitting there, sleeping while the moon cast its gentle glow upon them. The night wasn't cold anymore, or rather, their hearts were no longer cold.
Y/N's sleepless nights were tiring. The less she slept, the more she overthought. And the more she overthought, the more she was reminded of her painful memories. It was nostalgic in a heartbreaking way; like the pain of an old wound. Just like a twinge in her heart, far more powerful than memory alone. It took her to the place where she ached to go again.
A place where Sungho was still alive, safe, and sound.
Before she knew it, after a quite comfortable night of sleep, she opened her eyes to some unknown men taking pictures of her. Well, of her and Jay, but it wasn't relieving a bit. "What..." Her eyes widened and she leaned back on the wall, feeling the weight of Jay's head on her shoulder lighten as he sat up, eyes still closed.
"Oh, hi." One of them said with an awkward smile, making her heart race inside her chest. "Who are you, and what are you doing with our Jay?"
"Our?" She frowned and quickly glanced at Jay to see if he was awake. He was slowly awakening, his expression groggy and confused.
"Hm?" He muttered in his deep morning voice but she had no time to fangirl over it when a bunch of strangers - who could be some kidnappers for all she knew - were watching the two of them like visitors watching exhibits in a museum. What a weird way to describe it, but it was precisely how she felt - exposed and on display.
But right then, when her gaze turned to the right, she could spot one familiar face. Sunghoon. "Hi." He grinned.
"You." She almost whispered, both surprised and relieved to see a familiar friend amidst the sea of strangers. "What the hell?"
"Y/N," She felt Jay reach for her hand as he opened his eyes, his drowsy gaze meeting hers. "Those are my friends. No need to worry."
"No, but I'm surrounded by a bunch of strangers who I know nothing about, of course, I should worry." She protested, making him lean closer.
"I'm not a stranger, am I?" The way Jay intoned those words sent a warm shiver down her spine.
"Technically you are." That made him fake a gasp.
"Do you usually kiss strangers and sleep with them?" His words made her blush, realizing how her argument had backfired. Y/N nervously gulped, avoiding his gaze.
"That's not fair. You know it's not like that," She mumbled, feeling her cheeks burn when a real gasp was heard and someone chimed in.
"Wait, what? You're Jay's first kiss?"Oh. The realization struck her, and she felt her face grow even hotter. What a great way to start the day and make an impression.
