It was time to get off work and Y/N waited for Jay in front of the company building. The cold wind rustled her hair as she stood there, but it could never match the cold look on Jay's face when he spotted her and approached her with hesitation in his steps. His eyes, once warm and filled with love, now held a guarded and distant expression.
Y/N's heart sank at the sight of it, realizing that he might be way more upset and hurt than she had ever imagined. She swallowed hard, most of the words catching in her throat. "Hi." That wasn't what she wanted to say, but it was the only word that seemed to escape her lips when she nervously met his gaze.
Jay was close, but still a respectful distance away from her, and it felt awkward, something she never felt with him. He didn't respond immediately, and the silence between them felt heavy with unspoken emotions. Finally, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the ground before meeting her eyes again. "Right. Hi."
Her fingers twitched nervously, and she tried to think of the right words to say, but her mind felt like a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions. "How... have you been?"
Jay's gaze remained steady on her, and for a moment, Y/N thought he might ignore her question or simply walk away. But then, a hint of a bittersweet smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I've been trying to move on. It looks like you already did."
Y/N felt her heart drop at Jay's words. She hadn't expected him to react this way, to suggest that she had already moved on. "I didn't mean to-"
"But you blocked me and shut me out... that means I didn't matter anymore." His glasses slipped slightly down the bridge of his nose, but he didn't bother adjusting them. "But I understand, I'm just a summer fling, right? It was foolish of me to think it could be more."
"Jay, you're not just a summer fling... you've never been just that to me. What we had was real, and it-"
"Then why did you just throw it away like it was nothing?" The autumn breeze rustled the fallen leaves around them and her heart sank further. "I loved you, Y/N, but you decided that I wasn't worth it." Loved. The word echoed in the cold air between them as a painful reminder of what they had lost. "Say something, Y/N, anything. It's been two months and I've been thinking of all the things I could have done differently, all the ways I could have been better for you. But I need to know, was our love so fragile that it could shatter so easily?"
She felt a lump in her throat, her words choked by guilt and regret. She desperately wanted to reach out to Jay, to hold him and tell him how wrong he was, how much she loved him, but no word could come out. "I... I'm so sorry, Jay," Y/N finally managed to whisper, her voice trembling, but Jay's jaw clenched and he looked away.
"Right, you're just sorry. I understand." He nodded. "Well, I'm sorry too. You'll have to see me every day from now on when you come to work, but I promise, you won't have to worry about me bothering you anymore." Y/N watched as he took a step away from her, his shoulders slumping before he turned around and started walking away from her. She stood there, feeling like her world was crumbling around her, watching Jay retreat from her life once again.
But it was better that way. That way, he could hate her and move on without feeling any more pain. Maybe it was what she deserved too, for hurting someone who had loved her so deeply.
The rain started to fall and she stood there, feeling the cold droplets soak through her clothes while Jay's figure grew smaller in the distance. She wanted to chase after him, to scream out the truth, to beg for forgiveness, but she didn't move. She couldn't move. Until the soft raindrops turned into a torrential downpour, drenching her completely.
As she stood there, alone and soaked to the bone, she realized that running after Jay was futile. He had made his decision, and she had to respect it because she made a decision too, no matter how much it tore her apart.
That night was cold and unforgiving. The memories of their time together played in her mind like an old movie, taunting her with what she had lost. Jay's comforting words, his beautiful smile, and the way he had held her in his arms whenever she felt vulnerable – it all felt like a distant, bittersweet dream. Y/N knew she had made the right choice for herself, but it didn't lessen the pain that coursed through her.
When she finally retreated from the rain and found herself inside her dimly lit apartment, she closed the door behind her, shedding her wet clothes in a puddle on the floor. The place felt empty and cold, and no matter how much it looked like Jay's house, it was devoid of the warmth and love he had brought into her life.
She padded into the bathroom, shivering as she turned on the hot water and stepped under the spray. The warmth of the water did little to wash away the guilt and regret that clung to her like a second skin. The water turned cooler, and Y/N reluctantly turned off the shower, wrapping herself in a towel and stepping out into the chilly bathroom. She wrapped herself in a soft, oversized sweater and curled up on the couch, staring blankly at the rain-splattered window.
The thunder rolled outside and the raindrops on the window blurred her view of the city lights. It had been two long months since she had made the painful decision to push Jay away and she missed Jay more than she could put into words. The knowledge that she might never hear his laughter or feel his arms around her again was a painful reality she had to face, and now that she met him and witnessed the hurt in his eyes, it cut deeper than ever.
He used to look at her like she was the most precious thing in the world, but now his eyes held an emptiness she had never seen before. She pulled the sweater tighter around herself as if it could somehow fill the void that Jay had left behind. But she knew very well that nothing could replace the love she had let slip through her fingers.
