another round of hell between this two once upon a time best friends. except this time,they aren't "best friends" anymore ,rather,enemies.
could they be enemies to lovers? or friends to lovers to enemies?
oh,and they have a kid.
Ps:READ BOOK 1 FIR...
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A/N:
//HEY !
//Just a quick update: not giving any excuses for why i haven't been updating chapters,but i will update three chapters this week for all of you <3
//enjoy <3
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it's been officially three weeks of disaster,three weeks of signing forms,talking to lawyers,feud between family and three weeks of having a huge mental breakdown. Things got worse after I came back from Boston. The process has already started ,I haven't really seen z often. Just once or twice a week,obviously not alone together. Last time I saw her was three days ago,which was the night of that day when I learned about nadia being pregnant.
Yes,nadia is pregnant.
Except,
It's not my child.
Which was the shock of my life. I was not shock that she was pregnant,i was shocked that she was unfaithful during our marriage. she-she cheated on me. But of course I had no desire to talk about it or question her because I was unfaithful to her before,during the times we were dating. I also thought of another woman during our marriage,which is emotional cheating. It still hurt...but who am I to get angry...when all this began with me doing this to her.
I just had that thought of her never doing something as fucked up as that...because I knew she was a good person. that she is. Now I can't even look at her when we meet up with each other and the lawyer. She wasn't even sorry that it happened. She didn't even look at me. It felt like a "I cheated because you cheated too" . Of course the father of her child would be Gordon. He was there three days ago.
(if you don't know who Gordon is check book one chapter 37)
I just fucking hate this. I hate that cheating is being normalized in this society. I just wished we knew who we want. I wish I knew who I want. who I want to spend my rest of my life with. who to marry till we die. Have kids. They grow older and we travel together. I just wish it was simple like that, but nothing in this life is simple.
I was too hurt and numb that I couldn't cry for four days. I was isolating myself when I learned about the baby. Ii wanted to cry and feel things, but I was blank. My mind was bank. It was like my head forgot to register everything. I couldn't cry or be angry,i was just hurt and quiet. It was like I didn't care . I blamed myself too...I mean this past 3 years,i didn't sleep with her. I only slept with her on our wedding night.
They call it 'the night of sex'
Worst part is that I could only see zendaya. I felt her only. I saw her. I tasted her and only said her name thought the whole night. When nadia stop and pushed me aside,i knew that from that day our marriage was already falling apart. Falling apart from day one. We didn't sleep with each other from that day onwards,even when she forgave me and tried too,i pushed her away because I didn't want that night to be repeated every day.
I did not want to constantly moan my ex-lover's name every day of my marriage. So I pushed her away. I thought I was hating on zendaya during the first months of my marriage, but I was only yearning to be with her. I said I loved nadia and I want to marry her, but I loved zendaya. I saw myself marrying her at the altar,which is something I still think about often and the worst part is that I do not regret thinking about marrying zendaya, but I regret admitting to these things only when my marriage is ending.
I hated zendaya as an excuse to block out all these thoughts, and it was working. Slowly I fell for nadia but when the restraining order came in,zendaya was all I thought about. My anger towards her was real, but my hatred wasn't. I used hate because I was hurting. I just wish I didn't have to hurt on nadia that she decided to fill that empty void by sleeping with someone else.
Oh God,things are really fucked up.
My marriage was like a marriage of three people ,except I used one and love the other one. I thought I was over zendaya, but I was not. Clearly not. Even when I confronted her in the trailer,i did the opposite. Instead of admitting how crazy I am for her, I admitted how much I hated her. Yes nadia was my first love but zendaya is my true love and true love conquers everything.
That's what i said exactly to everyone that day except zendaya wasn't there, and I am hoping that nadia will tell her that too because after nadia cried her heart out in pain after I said ,she was planning to go to zendaya to tell her everything. Ofc I just nodded. Hearing her in pain just made her parents hate me even more and made my parents disappointed at me. Although they were disappointed at me,they were more disgusted at nadia.
Which I couldn't do anything but fight the urge to not burst out crying.
I was more upset and angry with myself than nadia. Did I really make the wrong choice to propose to her that night? at marrying her? at getting back with her after she came back? I never really did understand people when they say that going back to your ex is not a good idea and now I can see. I can finally see why.
In a week,everything is going to be official. the divorce is finalized. reuben is staying with me. That was not my decision. It was nadia and gordon's decision,which shock me to the core because even though we will be separated,a child shouldn't be separated from their mom. I learned that the hard way with my daughter. I was shocked to the core when I saw no emotion on nadia's face,even with glasses on when she said that.
I was shocked to the core when they refused my idea of having reuben spending some weekends over with either one of us. It's not like I am not happy with my son and want him away. I just want him to grow up with his mother in his life even if it's not together as a family.
These final weeks were so hard. Everyday waking up knowing things are fucked up,damaged and permanently destroyed isn't a reason to even be alive at this point. I know who I want I just don't know when I want her. At my happiest or worst times,or both.
It's midnight and I walk back to my room after taking some sips and climb on my bed and saw my reuben sleeping with dried tears. He witnessed it all. The shouting,screaming and crying.I tugged a strand of his hair behind his ear. I sighed. Covered him with the blankets all the way to his shoulders.
I couldn't stop thinking of last night when nadia dropped reuben here after moving out. She did cry alot ,which confused me why she didn't feel this way when she announced the decision.
I shook my head ,before entering the bed,i took my phone and saw the notification that made feel like non-trash,feel like I am the happiest man on this earth,like I was reborn and came from the dead.
