LIFE OF A MUSLIM BLACK MELANIN

Back to school

Well it's been two days now since I found out that I have luekemia

And my mom still haven't inform me that she has cancer and you know what the funny part is?

I don't even know if I'll die first or if she'll be the first to leave me in this Dunya(world).

Alot of people complain about their lives, some complain about the type of meal the want to eat, the type of clothes they would prefer to wear.

Some complain alot saying their parents didn't allow them to date certain types of boys or they didn't get that minimal thing they want.

Others prefer to be rude and mean and all they do is to criticize people and they find pleasure in that but what about us.

What about those who have been diagnosed with deadly diseases?, Those who can't be happy because their society dispice them due to their Color or culture, or those who live their lives in fear not knowing when the next bomb will explode around their communities.

Fact is no matter how much you're struggling there's someone out there who has a worse life than you.

And you have no other option than to keep going forward.

I haven't answered Asif's calls for the past two days.

I don't want him to be bounded to a girl like me, I know this might sound stupid but what do I have to offer him?, He made me experience happiness and love in the best way possible, but all for what so that I could one day die and leave him to suffer the lost of the girl he gave his all.

And tomorrow we'll be back to highschool and I don't know what to expect again, but I know one thing for sure before I die I will fight, I'll keep fighting till the end insha Allah.

My name isn't Rahma for no reason.
I have survived alot, I can keep going and I will keep surviving!.
And this time I'll do it alone.

*The next day*
It all feels surreal as I stood inside the hallway that was already filling up with familiar faces.

With my head held up high I walked towards my locker.

I was arranging my textbooks and notes inside when I heard the voice of the person I was so badly trying to avoid.

"Why haven't you been picking up my calls or answering my text?" He said.

Well here goes nothing.

I forced myself to morph my face into one of disgust as I turned around and finally met his gaze.

"Excuse you?" I said in a rude tone and he looked taken aback by how rude I probably sounded.

"I've been trying to reach you for the past few days but I feel like you're ignoring Habibi, and I missed you so much." He said and I couldn't help but notice the few attention we were getting from students close by.

"I don't want to talk to you right now Asif." I said as I turned around locked my locker and walked away from him.

But ofcourse Asif being Asif, I should have known that he wouldn't just let me leave like that.

"Did I do something to offend you." He said making me stop in my steps.

Without turning to look back at him I said.

"Doesn't matter cause I want nothing to do with you now or ever." I said trying to hide any emotions in my voice.

I didn't wait for his response this time as I walked away.

And after that we all settled in for our first class.

*Days passed with me always ignoring Asif while he never stopped trying to talk to me, which made me feel horrible.

He looks so broken but I know that my death will cause him more pain so staying away will be the best decision.

Every night after a stressful day of school, I spend the day with my mom, trying to create as many memories as I can with her.

And tonight just like ever other night I laid my head on her laps as she kept stroking my hair in soft motions while her back was rested against the head board of the bed.

"Rahma." She called out to me.

"Yes?" I responded as I snuggled on her laps

"There's something I want to tell you." She said and I already knew what was know.

"I've been trying so hard to build the strength to tell you this and I don't know how you're going to take this news.." she suddenly stopped as she took in a sharp breath.

"I just want you to know how much I love you rahma." She said as she leaned in to kiss my forehead.

I didn't even realize the tears that trickled down my cheeks and hopefully she also didn't as she continued.

"I have cancer rahma, cervical cancer to be precise, I found out about it two years ago and apparently I don't have much time left..." She said as a sob escaped her mouth.

I stood up for her laps as I pulled her into a warm embrace as my own tears kept flowing down my cheeks.

My throat hurts so much right now cause I just want to scream, run and escape all this endless pain

"I know mum." I said as a misrable sob also escaped my mouth.

"I know about it all, I heard you and aunt Zainab talking about it the other day." I said as I hugged her more closely.

"I'm so sorry rahma, I'm the worse mother, I haven't been there for you since when you were young and now I don't even know if I can stay with you for much longer."

And that's how we both spent the night, just crying in tears will holding each other tightly.

A/N
Don't forget to vote and comment 🍒