"Come on Raene. Let's get you up." Phoebe kept her voice quite and rubbed my sides encouragingly. We'd been sitting on the floor for a good 20 minutes, my body took a bit to rejuvenate and come back to itself so we let the surprisingly comfortable silence sit for while, every now and then Phoebe would reassure me or try make me laugh.
I was still massively inebriated though, having drank quite a lot on so little food and the added pain meds probably wasn't helping. Plus it just didn't feel like I was sobering up which is fun.
I was drunk to the point where moving anything just felt like trying to lift a sand bag and trying to understand or say anything felt like learning to talk all over again, so I was reluctant to get up.
I mumbled a quite objection, wishing we could just stay on the floor a little longer.
"You're bleeding, come on. You're also sitting on a lot of broken glass right now, that can't be comfortable." She tries again to get me up, grabbing under my arms and hauling me up with her. Which was surprisingly easy.
I look down at my broken body, seeing streams of dried blood and some still fresh open cuts. Ones which I didn't actually feel the pain from. I look disgusting, and knowing Phoebe was seeing the same as me made me recoil back in to myself and fight to get out of her grip, going right back to a calmer sort of panic.
"I'm f-ine Phoebe, please jus' let me do this myself." I plead, still slurring, she didn't relent even still. Making sure I had no way to escape.
"What I saw wasn't even remotely fine." She huffed, fighting my now limp body, "Fucking hell Raene, you're like a toddler having a tantrum, stop it and let me help." Even though I knew I wasn't winning this my slightly numb brain thought it would be funny to at least try.
"Make me." I scoffed
"Right. That's it." And with that I was hauled over her shoulder like I weighed nothing.
"Phoebe put me down." She doesn't.
"Phoebe I swear t' fuck I will-"
"You'll what?" She laughs at my struggling.
"Agh you are insufferable." I eventually give up and she plods along with me to the bathroom, I stay silent as she sets me down on the counter and blocks me in with her body, "Silence child. Let me work my magic." Her smile widens at my less than pleased face but I don't make a move to argue, my awarness has come back somewhat and the pain of everything makes itself known. My stomach is throbbing, my head feels like it's been hit with a hammer and everywhere else just stings.
Phoebe looks around in her cabinets before letting out a victorious 'hah' and pulling out a first aid kit. I still keep quiet, fearing that if I do speak everything will go to shit and I'll hurt somebody again.
"You got cut pretty badly, am I okay to take your shirt off and have a look?" She asks, the way she asked so softly made my stomach go haywire. I'd never actually been asked before if what someone wanted to do to me was okay and it felt unnatural, but welcomed.
Tears formed in my eyes as I nodded quickly, a small whimper bubbled through my throat. She stopped her fiddling and looked to me at the noise, "Hey it's okay, I don't have to if you don't want me to. You can clean up what I can't reach yourself if that makes you more comfortable?" I swear this girl is going to be the death of me, the things she kept doing made me feel so fucking safe and I really didn't know how to feel about that. I knew letting someone see me this vulnerable and get so close to me was dangerous territory, but I felt myself trusting Phoebe like second nature.
"It's okay." My voice cracked and tears rolled down my face, I'd cried so much today we'd be able to survive a drought on my tears if we needed to. "You can keep going, do whatever you need to. It's okay." I willingly lean in to her help, deciding that just this once (it's definitely been more than once but sober me doesn't need to know about this) I'll accept the warmth and tenderness I was being offered. I hadn't know Phoebe for long but she was more than kind to me. I blindly trust her with myself.
The blonde smiles gently and taps at my arms to get me to life them up, I comply, still slightly hesitant in the way my body looks underneath everything. I see her eyes wander over every scar and mark, every bruise, every burn, every memory my father left on pale skin. He eyes flashed with a sudden anger before going back again to a concerned softness.
I felt scrutinised under her gaze and folded my arms over my exposed body.
"I'm sorry he every touched you Rae.. I would fucking kill him if you let me." She shook her head and continued grabbing things, gauze, sterilised wipes, plasters. "You didn't deserve it."
As she started cleaning the first few cuts I lent my head back agains the mirror and sighed, "But I did though. I deserved all of it. I still do."
"No. You don't. And I'm going to make it my mission to help you see that with whatever time we have together Raene. You don't understand how easy it is to care about you, you're a fucking moody asshole but I know that just cuz you're not used to this shit. You've grown up so long without kindness that pain has been ingrained in to your skull. I'm telling you Raene, you didn't deserve it." She spoke so passionately, sort of unbelieving at the fact I thought this about myself and fully disagreeing with it.
I let it go and made an acknowledgement of agreement towards her, internally hating every word of it. "Alright." Though no matter how hard she tried I knew it was useless, Arlo tried and still couldn't it and we've been bestfriends for years. I don't know how well Phoebe can do. Wait.
"Shit Arlo, I called Arlo didn't I. Fuck I left them on the phone I-" I started to panic again, suddenly sobering up a bit more.
"Chill out dude, I got your phone. They know you're alright, don't worry." I sighed in relief and nodded. "Can I finish cleaning you up now?" I nod again and let her finish. There surprisingly weren't many cuts but the ones I did have bled a lot so there was a bit to clean up.
"I need a shower." I decided.
"Alright, all of this shit is water proof so you should be fine. I'll run you a bath though, you won't be able to stand that well in a shower." I was too tired to disagree so I just let her run around like a headless chicken. Watching her in a daze turn the bath on and then grab a towel, it took a couple minutes to fill but once it finally did she looked to me, "I'll leave you to it, shout if you need anything!" And then turned to leave.
Before she could, I grab her arm gently, "Wait. Can you- um, can you stay? Please?" Her cheeks redden and I choose not to say anything.
"Yeah, of course." She clears her throat and turns around, letting me get undressed and in to the bath. It was as hot as I liked it which felt so nice on my weary bones, "You can look."
Her body turns quickly, giving me second hand whiplash. I laugh lightly which causes her to go slightly more red, "Jesus Phoebe, you're gonna hurt yourself if you go any faster."
She closes the toilet seat lid and sits on it, mumbling a small 'sorry'. I just smile at her sudden shyness again.
"Thank you for staying."
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A/N
sup guys. a bit of a nicer chapter for you all. hopefully wont make you cry this time hehe
i love these two sm though, they make each other soft and it melts me (even though im the one writing them) cant wait for what the future holllddsss
ANYWAY i nees to not go to college on 0 hours of sleep again so goodnight!
have a good day/night everyone and thank you for reading <3
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Unbecoming
Подростковая литератураAddiction is everlasting. There's no end, there's no reprieve. There is no getting better. You fail and you fall and you remake mistakes. But you're stronger for it. Being an addict doesn't mean you're weak, you're only weak if you let it make you a...
