Unbecoming

Relapse

A/N APOLOGIED I FORGOT TO ADD TWS FOR THIS CHAPTER: DRUG ABUSE!!!

Turns out being left alone for a lengthy period of time with nothing but my own thoughts was a very, very bad idea. Which, yes, I was aware of and maybe, completely made sure it happened on purpose. But I desperately needed to be alone.

My brain was on overdrive since the kiss and while I don't regret it happening I still couldn't help but spiral, it was seemingly the only thing I was capable of doing. That and pacing around Phoebe's apartment, willing myself not to reach for the nearest bottle and drown myself in it.

A notification from my phone sounded from across the room, stopping my pacing.

Friday
16:35

Yo Raene, you after anything? Recently restocked and got some of the stuff you were asking for last month.

I stared at the message for a good 5 minutes.

I needed something, anything to tide me over before I went completely cold turkey. This was the perfect opportunity, I was alone, they wouldn't be back for another few hours and I had the money.

Yeah that would be great actually, you able to meet me at the usual place in around 15 minutes?

Not a prblem, I'll meet you there
Read 16:49

-

Now I know this wasn't a good idea. Which is probably why I was doing it.

So after making sure I'd grabbed everything I needed and checking everything was switched off, I made a move to the door. Locking it and unlocking it again three times before finally locking it and leaving the apartment complex.

I knew the path I was taking like the back of my hand, having walked it so many times before. Even from where Phoebe's apartment was it wasn't that much of a diversion considering how close she actually lived to my parents house.

The walk was quick, a long treck but seemingly shorter in time. I was in my head for most of it, hating myself for what I was doing to the three wonderful people I knew I was letting down.

I had just found a way out. A new thing to get addicted to but my body was rejecting.

I wish it was as simple as that. I wish I could find the people who would care about me the most, who I'd want to get better for and instantly feel okay. But not everything's as cut and dry, granted it would be easier if it was like that but it is what it is.

If I was gonna self destruct I was gonna do it the right way.

Eventually I came to a small feild, littered with flowers of all kinds. The sun stretched over the distant hills, looking and smiling on at the miserable earth bellow it. I spotted the tall figure of my dealer at a fence that lined the field, clad in street wear and looking about as inconspicuous as a drug dealer could be.

"Oi, Raene. How's it going then?" His bellowy voice rang through the air upon him noticing me.

"Good, good. Nothing new happening, same old crap different day I suppose," I pause and look around, slightly paranoid, " You got my shit?"

He grinned down at me before rummaging through the inside pocket of his dark jacket, unnecessary for the weather but necessary for the job, "Well aye, of course I do." He showed me the contents of which he'd pulled out and pointed out what they were, "So we've got; a steady dose of Ketamine, 4 tabs of acid, be responsible take one and not them all and finally your MDMA. Is that everything?"