Safe Haven | Yuzuru Hanyu

58.

If you were to tell Yuzuru he would be this dependent on a woman to heal after a bad competition he wouldn't have believed you.

Maybe he wasn't completely dependent on Emma, but having her there was certainly a big help to get him on the right track.

He cried, even as he climaxed on that tub, but she merely cleaned those tears and kissed the pain away.

She knew him well enough not to judge him over how much he cried.

Maybe he didn't deserve this woman.

Even if she kept telling him it was the other way around.

In the end, they were both helpless for each other.

They were in bed for a few hours after, Yuzuru with tears in his eyes, telling her every detail of those days. Everything that he tried to hide from her in their calls, every pain, every dialogue, every thought.

She just listened. Gave him the space he needed to speak, merely uttering a few words whenever she felt like he needed an opinion.

When he was done, she finally spoke.

"I've told you this before but I don't think you should have any regrets. If anything, you encouraged these young kids to go beyond their limits, and to always try their best, even when everyone tells you that it isn't possible.
Looking at what you've done, I think you can land the jump, I just don't think it's worth the pain and possible injuries that can come with it."

"You were never a fan of me trying this."

"It's not about not being a fan of the jump or the attempts... It's about being afraid that you get hurt, and you did."

"There's this kid... I think he will do it."

"So what?"

Yuzuru just shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know...maybe it's because of that little 9-year-old that dreamed of landing it."

"You tell that 9-year-old that you've achieved everything else. Do you think he ever imagined to become the Hanyu Yuzuru you are now?"

"He had hopes..."

"Super slam winner..."

"Okay, maybe not that..."

"What I mean is that you're the most awarded male skater of the last few years, You've revolutionized the sport in ways that no one expected from this frail-looking Japanese boy and yet, after all of that, you're here depressing over a single competition."

"It's the Olympics..."

"An important competition, but still one."

"I know the logic behind everything, but you know me and how sensitive I can be."

"My little sensitive baby" she mocked teasingly.

"Don't..."

"You're too easy to tease."

"Why are we going back to the time we met?"

"We aren't."

"You're certainly enjoying all the teasing."

Emma stopped to look at him, to make sure he wasn't mad at her, that he too, was teasing her slightly.

Thankfully, she only found a small smirk on his face.

"I just want to make you smile again"

He was the one staring directly at her now, now realizing that she was just trying to bring him back to what he was before, slightly teasing him to get him to reply.

"I'm sorry, you don't deserve this."

"Nonsense, Hanyu... I'm here for you, for better or for worse right?"

"You haven't made that promise yet."

"What?"

"We haven't made that promise to each other yet..."

She gave him a tiny smile.

"Just because we haven't said it or gotten a certain paper signed, it doesn't mean that I don't feel like that."

"Well, it's just a paper, isn't it?"

"Yes, I don't need it."

"You don't want it?"

Yuzuru seemed to be a little taken aback by that revelation.

"I didn't say that."

"Okay... Do you want to get married?"

Emma didn't expect him to ask straight away. Yuzuru had mentioned marriage before, but they had never discussed it any further.

"I honestly don't care"

Her honesty shocked him slightly but didn't surprise him that much knowing the woman that was in front of his eyes.

"But if I were to ask?"

"Well, you're not asking, so I won't give you an answer."

"Are you serious right now?"

Yuzuru wasn't amused by this conversation, it felt like Emma was trying to escape the topic.

"Come on Yuzu... You know how I am... I never thought about marriage. I don't think it's that important"

"We've been dating for 2 years and you want to tell me you haven't thought of it even once?"

"Wait... 2 years? You considered us dating before I went to Israel?"

"Please tell me you're joking and that we are not about to have this conversation."

"We have never spoken about this..."

"Okay... When do you consider we started dating?"

Emma could see he was trying to be patient and understand her side of things. To be fair, she wasn't used to relationships.

Not only that, before Yuzuru, she had never considered marriage. She looked down on it after what happened to her parents.

"I never really thought about it. I guess when I came back to Japan?"

"Oh... I told you about my feelings before."

"Technically, you only said it in Stockholm."

Alright, maybe acting like a smartass wasn't good with Yuzu when he was so on edge.

"But you knew about it all before going to your mission."

"Yes."

"Emma, I know you're trying to avoid this conversation, but I think we need to talk it through and find out what we want from this."

"You mean the relationship? I think I made it clear I want to be with you."

"But you don't want marriage."

"Again, I didn't say that... Yuzu, I don't come from a family like yours."

Only then did he realize the depth of the topic, he didn't feel mad at her anymore. This wasn't about them, it was about her background and her family history.

"You never thought about marriage, have you?"

"No."

"This isn't about me or us, it's just that you haven't considered marriage."

Emma had just realized what the actual problem was.

"Yeah...wait, you thought I had doubts about us?"

"I guess we do have to learn how to talk."

"Definitely."