Safe Haven | Yuzuru Hanyu

69.

Yuzuru had never run up those stairs any quicker.

He was worried about Emma and how she was taking the whole thing.

Sure, she would look okay for any outsider, but not to him.

Yuzuru found her already curled up in bed, in complete silence.

"Crying is okay." he ended up telling her as he entered the room. "Talk to me, my love."

Settling at her side, he got even more worried as she stayed in silence.

"Emma...come on. "

"I'm afraid, Yuzu. I'm never afraid." she ended up admitting after a few seconds.

"Even the strongest warrior needs to have some fear, it's why we are alive. You shouldn't be scared to be afraid, you should be scared if you weren't."

That's when her tears finally fell. As much as Emma was trying to act strong, sometimes crying is the best thing you can do. He didn't try to comfort her, it was useless, but he held her through her tears and whispered encouraging words in her ear.

"you said it yourself, it's the best-case scenario."

"I know."

"You've gone through war multiple times, there is no way you will allow this to get to you. I know you're going to get out of this stronger than before."

"I know you're scared too, Yuzu. You are rarely as silent as you were in that doctor's appointment."

"Of course I am. I love you with everything I have, just the small chance of losing you scares the hell out of me."

"I'm not the only one playing strong."

"no, you aren't."

"You really think we can do this?"

Yuzuru had to admit that hearing her talk about both of them, as if she truly believed that he would be part of this challenge was endearing. He just hoped to deserve that trust.

"Yes, I have no doubt we can handle this."

"Maybe we should get married now... You know, in case things don't go well."

Yuzuru stared at her in the eyes, he couldn't understand what the hell she meant by that when they had been ignoring that conversation for months.

"What does one thing have to do with the other?"

"If something happens to me, you can inherit what I have."

"Seriously? Emma, I don't want your money. I have more than what I can deal with."

"I know, but you could make sure it goes into something good."

"Honey, I'm not marrying you to have control over your funds if something happens. Nothing will, so there is no need either."

"But Yuzu..."

"No, we can get married when you beat this."

"You're not serious..."

"I am. And please don't make us fight over marriage again. The first time was bad enough"

"Can we at least talk about children then? You don't mind my decision?"

"You know that if possible, I will want kids eventually. And even if I didn't, it's your own right to assure that possibility for yourself in the future."

"God, this feels so weird."

Emma sank her face in the pillow and he was quick to make her look at him.

"I'm not going anywhere, we're doing this together.  I know there are a lot of pending questions right now, but we have to do things one at a time. You will take your pills and have the surgery as soon as we can, we will see how things will go after that. There's no point in making any decision when the future is still so uncertain."

"Chemo is going to be tough."

"It will, that's why I don't want you to panic over getting pregnant when there are so many steps before that."

"Yeah..."

"What's on your mind?"

"Is it weird that I never thought about kids until now and suddenly I'm scared that I might not be able to have them?"

"No, it isn't weird, honey. It's normal. It's one thing to choose not to have kids, it's another to be taken the chance."

She was completely silent after that and he hated every single second of it. If there was one thing Yuzu knew was that whenever she was that quiet, whatever was on her mind couldn't be good.

He kissed her deeply to see if he could take her mind off everything and even if she tried to fight back initially, a deep moan told him he was doing the right thing.

"Yuzu... this is really not the best time for that."

"Just let me take your mind off everything."

"It's not that easy."

"It doesn't mean I can't try."

He broke her next complaint with another kiss and soon enough, her whole body was melting into his, almost begging him to take her.

Yuzuru didn't bother to make anything too overdramatic. He just allowed his body to take charge and follow her cues to what felt good and what didn't.

It was useless to attempt anything else when all he wanted was to improve her mood and make her relax after such stressful days.

Maybe sex wasn't the answer for everything, but this seemed to be working to at least bring her attention to something else for a while.

When he finally entered her warm body, everything just fell naturally into place. His strokes were deep and slow as he whispered sweet nothings against her open lips. Yuzuru just wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he planned on making sure she would be right by his side for a very long time.

It was just another one of his sappy moments, he just couldn't avoid it.

And when the tears he had been holding for a few days finally came in the middle of their lovemaking, she just stroked his face and cleaned them away.

Better than anyone Emma knew how he was feeling and she just wanted to reassure him as much as he had been trying to reassure her for the past days.

Whatever the future held, everything would be okay.