Kamya's POV
March 19th, 2019
Fayetteville, NC
"Honey, finish getting your hair done. We have about 30 minutes before service starts." Janet says politely from the walk way of our hotel room.
Today is the first time since my mommy died that I'm gonna go to church. My anxiety is making me feel nauseous. My hands are clammy, my mouth feels dry, my mind is everywhere but focused on Jesus. I almost don't want to go. If it weren't my idea in the first place, I'd stay here.
I start back the process of by curling my hair and doing a small flip to my side bang. The memories of getting ready for service with mom and Mimi flood my thoughts yet again, making me she's a few more tears. This is what's been holding me up, I can't stop getting emotional. I know I need to hear the word. I just don't know how- better yet, If I'm going to get through today. I know it's only for a few hours but damn, I don't think I thought this through all.
"Kamya! Come on. It's been 10 minutes, babe" my wife says as I'm finishing my last curl. I remain silent as I finish and use my holding spray. Unplugging the iron, I stare at myself in the mirror for a while before telling myself quietly 'you can do it'
"Alright Goldie! I'm ready." I say proudly, stepping out. Seeing Janet makes my face light up and from the color of her cheeks, she feels the same way.
"You are so beautiful, Kamya. So, so beautiful" she whispers, grabbing me by my hips and pulling me into her, "God, I am so lucky to have you." She mumbles just before pecking me.
"I'm lucky to have you, my Goldie locs. I love you" I peck her softly with my eyes closed. I feel her million dollar smile spread amongst my lips, making me smile back. She pulls away from me, still smiling,
"Let's go, shall we?" She asks.
"We shall."
• • • • •
"You need to be grateful for the things you have right in front of you! Stop looking behind you. Stop drowning yourself in guilt, in grief, in anger from things out of your control, things that were pre-written in your destiny." Pastor Woods speaks, "Now, I see how some of y'all are looking at me right now. 'Pastor I've been going through it since I was child' 'pastor why do I keep getting hurt in the process' and I wouldn't be a woman of God if I got up here and lied to you all with those cliché answers y'all are used to. But the lord is telling me that your blessing is in front of you! Whether it's through a friend, a new addition, a gift, a relationship- I mean the blessing itself could be you still being here. I don't know each of your life stories, but I know the God I serve. And I know God intended on us having a prosperous lives. This is a season of closure for all of us." She continues on and I grab tight to my wife's hand while rocking back and forth. Maybe I did need to be here today.
"You ok?" She asks me and I nod quickly while rubbing my thumb across the top of her fingers. As church continued on, Pastor woods eventually wrapped up her sermon. The end of service approached mighty fast and I actually felt just a smidge better.
I walked the pews after service just as I used to as a child. Nothing has really changed besides the two women I once loved the most not being in their usual spots. Janet follows closely behind, doing everything that I used to. Running her hands across the back of the seats like a child...exactly what kk used to do as we waited for mommy to finish talking. It's almost comical.
"I know that's not my baby girl." I hear a raspy low voice call out from in front of me. Looking up, I see my pastor with a large smile on her face
