"To be left or to be the one who leaves"
Tell me, which is worst. Obviously people would say that to be left hits and hurts more than anything that they could've ever imagined.
But imagine being the one who has to leave. The one who has to make the decision to leave someone they had held so dearly. As if nothing would went wrong and they could've just stayed together.
Imagine having to say, "I have had enough of being friends with you, so before I lose myself, I had to lose you."
"I don't want to be with you knowing well that you yourself is self destructing and I am in no position to help you even though I've tried."
"I can't be with you because I know that I'll hurt me more if I allow you to turn into someone I won't recognize."
And imagine, you had to lie and say that the reason you can't be with them anymore was because of them being tied to your past knowing damn well that the reasoning behind everything was you incapable of being a good friend.
And I was that. I had to say to so many, lied to them, saying "I can't do this anymore because you remind me of things that I am trying to forget." instead of saying,
"I love you so much, but seeing you like this, it aches me more than you could ever know. I love you so much that I will not be the one to beg and tell you what to do in your life because that is all of your making. I love you too much that before I add another pointless, heartbreaking page in your story, I'd rather just rip the chapter off and send you on your way."
And in hopes that I won't break any more pieces of their hearts while I patch up the pieces of mine. And they may wonder and think of how cruel I was to them and how I never gave them a chance to do better, but I know, and everyone who's ever been in my state would know, that this decision, when it's done, it is the worst.
YOU ARE READING
where dreams go
PoetryA list of short stories that I come cross in my life that I had to romanticize and write about
