The Monster In My Head

Max's Reconciliation Part 3

Max locked himself in the room, closed the curtains, dimmed the lights. He put in noise canceling earbuds, cleaned up his desk. Anything to help him focus enough to study for his midterms.

Nothing was working.

Part of it was thoughts of Madison. He was still reeling after her rejection, trying desperately to come to terms with it.

Most of it was the course itself.

He found himself hating it. The words would become a blurry vision of just pure boredom. He would read large sections, only to realize his mind wasn't absorbing anything being read. He sighed, lowering his head into his hands and raking his fingers through his hair. Something about the path he was on didn't feel right. All logic argued this would be a good job for him. He would have an easy in because of his dad, it was a well-paying stable career path.

Yet, something inside of him refused to listen to that logic.

At just that moment, a knock sounded on his bedroom door. Furrowing his brows, Max looked up, wondering who it was. It was late at night and that narrowed the possibilities since Nicole was an early sleeper.

"Come in," he said hesitantly.

The door opened to show his dad, smiling and leaning against the doorway. "Hey. I just got home from the office. I thought I'd check on you, expecting you to be asleep. But here you are, awake. Why? Everything alright?"

Max frowned. "Since when have you ever just checked up on me?"

Mr. Morrison's rare lighthearted expression was replaced with one of hurt. "You'd be surprised, Max. I check on you as often as I can. You just don't know it because you're usually asleep."

"What good does it do to check on me and be a father only when I'm unconscious?! How many weeks, MONTHS, have I gone without ever receiving a simple text from you?!"

Mr. Morrison returned the frown, his eyes darkening in the way Max was used to. There was something comfortably familiar about that look. Max didn't know how to react to the warm look his dad had been giving him as of late.

"Do you have any idea what I've done for you?! While you slacked off in school?! I'm surprised you even got into college with the record you have! You need to learn something about hard work ethic, Max. And it seems this class is already teaching you that." Mr. Morrison's voice had changed to match the change in his demeanor. Replacing the soft, caring voice was the cold, stern one.

Max jumped to his feet, anger rising up in him. Anger that had slowly been stirring and simmering inside of him as he studied a subject he cared nothing for.

"What could you possibly know about me?! You don't know anything! You don't know that the reason my grades lacked sometimes was because I was working a job just to pay for my own guitar lessons! You don't know that I was part of a youth worship band! You don't know that I was expected at practice for that band twice a week ON TOP OF school and work! Maybe you should actually learn the facts before you go accusing me!"

Mr. Morrison's expression only worsened, now rivaling the anger in Max's. "Great, so you wasted all your time and money on music! On a childish dream! Did you really think that would go anywhere?!"

"Maybe not, but I'll tell you right now it left more of a meaningful impact than you could ever hope to achieve," Max said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Everything I've done, I've done for YOU!"

Tears built up in Max's eyes, making him shut them close as he shouted the words that had been trapped inside him: "That's not true!!!" A long moment of silence followed. Max opened his eyes and looked at him, a son pleading his dad to listen. "You stay away from us because mom died. You stay away from us because you blame us. You put all of your effort into work, because it's the only thing that can distract you from the loss."

Just as Mr. Morrison opened his mouth to argue that, a voice cut him off:

"Enough!!"

Mr. Morrison and Max jumped, turning to the one behind the voice. Nicole stood at the doorway in her pajamas, tears running from her eyes as she gripped her arms tightly. Max could've sworn it was his mother standing there. Never before had she looked so much like her.

They may not have shared the same genes, but they now shared the same broken, helpless expression.

Both Max and Mr. Morrison quieted. Max sighed, once again raking his hands over his face. He came to Nicole, wrapping her up in a hug as she continued to cry, burrowing her head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole. I should've thought about you hearing all of that."

Max glanced over at his dad, hoping he would apologize as well. Mr. Morrison stared at the two of them embracing for a long moment, a torn look on his face. Without saying a word, he shook his head and walked out the door.

***

A couple nights later, Max is performing at the church and comes to a realization.

Max's mind was in complete turmoil as he sang that night, his heart not even slightly in it. It was rewinding the argument with his dad over and over, interspersed with memories of his mother.

He let out a breath of relief when they finished their last song and departed in prayer. He returned to his spot next to Nicole, leaning his head back, his eyes clenched shut.

"Max, get it off your mind. It's behind you," Nicole whispered to him, knowing he was thinking about the argument.

If only that was the only thing on my mind, he thought to himself as he opened his eyes.

No, the argument wasn't the sole reason for his distress. For days now, in the back of his mind, and in his heart, he knew he wasn't meant to be an advertising manager. He knew he wasn't meant to take that internship his father was offering him. It had been like chains tugging at his heart. It was painful and stressful. It made him ache.

Being in advertisement wasn't what he wanted. That's what his dad wanted. For once, his dad had seemed engaged in what was going on in Max's life. He even seemed happier, less depressed.

But the one thread that was keeping them together now had scissors threatening to cut it. 

The sermon just happened to be about purpose. Max gnawed on his lip as the pastor warned them not to let outside voices, even ones of people they love, lead them astray from their true purpose.

Max felt his heart beat a little rougher as the sermon went on, and he knew it was his spirit reacting to the message. It was warning him, pleading with him. Yet, when the sermon ended and they called people up for prayer, Max ignored that tug.

There was simply too much at stake.

The car ride home couldn't have been short enough. Max laid on his bed in the dark as the night winded down, hours ticking by. Memories of his mother came back to mind, along with the pictures of a happy family. One that he never got to experience. One, he feared now he never would.

He knew what he had to do. He only wished it wouldn't cost him his one dream.