The Monster In My Head

Max's Reconciliation Part 4

Max swallowed nervously as he drove to the café where he was meeting his dad for coffee and breakfast. He had told him the night before that he wanted to talk to him about something. His dad had agreed, assuming it had something to do with advertising and school.

Granted, he wasn't wrong. Not exactly, at least.

Max arrived at the café all too soon. He turned off the engine and unbuckled, but remained in his seat, simply staring at the café for a moment. He rehearsed in his mind what he needed to say. He sighed heavily one last time, before leaving the car and going inside.

His dad was sitting near the window, a coffee in his hand as he thoughtfully gazed out the window. Max looked at him a moment, taking advantage of the fact that he hadn't noticed him yet. Max smiled slightly. His dad was a really good looking guy, handsome stubble lining his strong jaw, brown eyes that had just enough light in them. Disheveled hair that looked effortless. Usually though, it was paired with a tension in his jaw, and his furrowed brows. Now though, he almost looked at peace.

And here came Max to ruin it. Swallowing, he came and sat across from his dad. His dad smiled at him.

"Hi there, Max. It's a very nice day outside."

Max smiled, nodding. "Yes sir," he said as a waitress came to the table. Max ordered a coffee, then turned back to his dad, to find that he was studying him this time.

Max grinned slightly, quirking one brow. "What?"

His dad smiled back, shaking his head. "Nothing. I'm just... proud of you. I know I was absent far too much while you were growing up. Despite that, you've become such a respectable young man," his dad said, his voice never sounding so earnest and vulnerable before.

Max scratched his head, feeling another pang in his heart. "Uh, thanks Dad. That means a lot to me."

His dad nodded as the waitress returned with Max's coffee. Max took a hesitant sip of it, letting the heat and the taste of it fill him with the courage and strength he needed. Though, he sort of wished it was something stronger at the moment.

"So... You ever going to tell me what it is you wanted to meet with me about? I assume it has something to do with school or the internship," his dad finally said, resting his head on his hand.

Max raked his hand through his hair, but was caught off guard by his dad gently grabbing his wrist and lowering it to the table. He looked his son in the eyes, and Max felt like a vulnerable little kid.

"You are shaking and displaying every nervous habit you've had since we... I adopted you. What is this about, son?"

How long has it been that I've been waiting to hear him call me that? How long have I been waiting for him to simply look me in the eyes for longer than just a moment? Max's own voice pleaded in his mind. Pleaded for him to wimp out. Yet, a different inside voice argued that.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. I can still give you the relationship you desire. But you must trust Me first.

Max sighed, looking his father in the eyes. He took the scissors, he held it against the thread.

"Dad, I'm withdrawing from the advertising and business classes. I don't want to go into advertising."

And he cut it.

Instantly, he watched his dad's expression go back to the one he was used to. The one Max was hoping he would never have to see again.

His dad coughed, clearing his throat and putting down his coffee. "Excuse me?"

"I'm withdrawing from the class, Dad. I don't belong in the business world."

"You haven't even tried!" he shouted, pounding the table with his fist.

Max glanced around as people's attention was now drawn to their table. He sighed, turning back to his dad. "I'm sorry, Dad. But I'm an adult. And I make my own decisions. And this is the decision that I have made."

He could've sworn he saw his father's eye twitch.

"Halfway through the fall term? Just like that?! You're just gonna quit on me!!"

Max rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw. "You don't get to guilt trip me like this. This has nothing to do with you."

"Who are you kidding?! This has everything to do with me! You can't stand the thought of working with me! Can't stand the thought of being like me! You hate me!"

Max felt tears threatening to form in his eyes as he stared in awe at his dad. He didn't know this was what he thought of him. "You know what, Dad? You're right. This IS about you. It has always been. The only reason I ever CONSIDERED this job and these classes is because of YOU. Because I wanted to impress you. Because I wanted to finally have a relationship with you. I shouldn't have to map my whole career life around wanting the relationship that I needed most!"

The tears were flowing freely now, tears he lived his whole life fighting back. Tears that made him feel weak and pathetic. He felt weak and pathetic for wanting the love and attention from someone he would never get.

His dad didn't respond. His once emotion-packed face was guarded with a thick wall, a fortress that blocked his feelings. Max sighed, looking down at the table.

"Maybe someday you'll forgive me for giving up. Maybe someday I'll forgive you for giving up on me as well."

With shaky legs and a heavy heart, Max stood. He walked slowly out of the café, the child in him praying on his knees that his dad would call for him and stop him. Pull into him into his arms and hold him the way he begged to be held.

He got in his car and drove off, with only a disappointed child inside him to show for it.