Behind Books

39. Graduation 🎓

(Liliana's Pov)
Lucas and I left the great hall, and I felt my hands sweat.

"Do you believe me when I say I'm sorry?
Do you believe that I still care about you?"

"That's a hard question Lucas."
"Why? It's a yes or no question." He said.

"But it's complicated. A part of me believes you, but another part of me wonders if you're manipulating me again."

"I can promise you I'm not. Lily you're leaving, plus you have your thing with Draco."

"Not really." I said.
"Why not?" He said.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me. He asked me out, but I said no. Then he got pissed, and said that I was using him, and I was desperate.

Then he apologized and said he was wrong and had to accept it.

I told him I was leaving, and he just froze.
He seemed really upset, and just left my dorm without saying anything." I said.

"So go talk to him." Said Lucas.
"I'm afraid. I know he's upset, I just don't wanna face him." I said.

"Why not?" He said.

"I know we don't hang out anymore, but did you forget about my intense anxiety problem?"

"Of course not. I spent years talking you through attacks." He said.

"You know I had my first panic attack, and I literally felt like I was gonna die." I said.

"What happened?" He said,

"Well Draco saw me freaking out, and he helped me immediately. We were fighting then too, but he put it all aside."

"When was this?" Asked Lucas.
"After you hurt me." I said.

I stopped walking, and looked at Lucas.
His face paled, and he gulped.

"Listen, I'm sor-"
"You're sorry I know." I said.

"Fuck Lily, I really do feel guilt."
His voice cracked, and he looked away from me.

"What went through your mind when you hurt me?" I said.

Tears filled my eyes, and I held back a sob.

"Lily can we talk alone, please?" He said.
"Fine." I said back.

He grabbed my hand, and we apparated to his dorm.

"Make yourself at home." He said.
I sat on his bed, and he pulled up a chair and sat across from me.

"I did it because I was overwhelmed with anger, and sadness, and shock. Lily for the first time you weren't falling for my words.

And that's a good thing, but at the time I hated it. My issues took over, and I let it out on you. Liliana I'm so, sorry." He said.

His voice trailed off, and he couldn't even look me in the eye.

"Lucas that was the worst day of my life.
The guy I spent all my life loving hurt me both mentally, and physically." I said.

"Lily I know." He said.
He looked up at me, and I watched as a tear fell from his eye.

But I can't let him crying stop me from saying what I wanna say.

"How long did it take for you to feel bad?
It's not like you came running after me, and the next day when we confronted you, you were still pissed." I said.

"I felt bad the night it happened. But when you guys confronted me my pride took over.
You know how I am Lily." He said.

I didn't say anything.