And To Love In Return... (BOOK 2)

Helping Hands

"You feel so good, baby." I'm making a whole lot of sound just to have the straightest expression on my face.

"Yeah? You like that?" This time it was some middle aged married man who needed to live out his sick fantasies. But hey, $50 is $50.

I don't see why anyone would complain about this considering I'm making my own money rather than taking theirs. Technically I still do but not as much.

"Harder." Again, you'd think I'd be having the time of my life with how expressive I sound, but this was a yawn fest. No wonder his wife doesn't want to fuck him.

"I'm gonna cum." Points for pulling out, but no points for cumming on the back of my thigh...in the backseat of his car. I don't even think he realizes so I'll just put on my clothes and be on my way.

"Alright." Once I was dressed, I held my hand out as he slapped a $50 bill in my hand. "Nice doing business with you, John."

"It's George."

"Whatever." I waved dismissively. "Same time next week?"

"Most likely."

I walked alone in the cold streets, tuning out the sounds of New York City. I got used to the loud noises, but after a while they were hard to ignore. Car horns beeping, different music playing every time you pass a restaurant or store, obnoxious tourists.

I figured I'd go to Hongjoong and Seonghwa's apartment before I get the rest of my night going in order to temporarily redeem myself. I'm not an idiot, I know I'll fuck up again. But it's the little things that count in my opinion.

I made sure to use the new key I was given since they had to get new locks. I thought they'd appreciate that.

"Using your brain tonight I see." Hongjoong greeted, cooking something in the kitchen.

"Hey." I felt relaxed whenever I was with them. Their apartment has such a nice atmosphere, it feels so welcoming.

"You look like shit." He aggressively cut up strawberries and put them into a plastic container. I'm sure those are for Seonghwa. "Let me see your eyes." I walked over to him and opened them wide. "That's shocking." He shrugged, seeming impressed.

"You act like I'm doing cocaine every day, don't you think that's a bit much?"

"I would think so, yes." He nodded, waving the sharp knife in his hand. "Except you actually do it every day and that's why you've lost track of time."

I rolled my eyes, not really in the mood to be lectured.

"Do you need help with anything?" I tried to change the subject, but also wanting to make myself useful because of all the trouble I've caused them recently.

"Sure." He sighed. "Do you still remember how to make that ramen recipe the way you used to or do you think you're just about braindead?"

"Hongjoong, I really don't appreciate the comments. I mean seriously, come on."

"I let you come into my place whenever you want. You always smell like alcohol, cigarettes, old men, and sex. And you're lucky I don't call you Snow White to your face. Don't expect me to have any sympathy for you whatsoever. If that's what you want, wait for Seonghwa to get home from the grocery store so you can tell him all about how you got fucked in the back seat of a Nissan for some drug money." He stabbed the knife into the cutting board with a very threatening smile.

"It was a Porsche." I mumbled awkwardly.

"Hwang Hyunjin, I swear to god!" He pointed the blade to me with a deadly look in his eye. "Go back to Seoul!"

"And why would I do that?" If I'm honest, I took great offense to his words. He knows I don't want to see anyone back home, I have no place there either.

"Wooyoung wants to see you."

Wooyoung.

I owe him a major apology, but I'm too afraid to face him. He's tried so hard to support me through everything and have my back, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like if I got rid of him for now, I won't feel as much guilt and disappointment.

"I can't." I shook my head.

"Too bad. You're going next month. We all talked about it."

"Who's 'we' because I obviously was not a part of this."

"Me, Seonghwa, and your family."

I figured Hongjoong and Seonghwa had been keeping contact with mom. I'm sure she's worried sick.

"Wooyoung hates me, I know he does." I was fully convinced. If he didn't hate me, he'd be an idiot.

"I wanna smack you." Hongjoong held the bridge of his nose, overly frustrated as usual. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, no he does not."

"I just think he does." I shrugged.

"And I think you're just being paranoid! I looked up symptoms, you know. Paranoia is a withdrawal symptom from cocaine."

"The withdrawals aren't that bad, Joongie. I don't think it'd hurt you to try it at least once."

He looked at me wide eyed and gasped. "You know what? You're getting your wish."

"What?" He marched over and grabbed me by the wrist, then squeezed tightly. "Ow." I whined.

"It wouldn't hurt so much if you'd stop doing this too!" He pulled down my sleeve to reveal all my self harm cuts. "Now you're going to fucking stay here until Seonghwa gets home." He was really reprimanding me like I was a little child. He practically threw me in the guest room and locked me inside.

"Hongjoong, let me out!" I groaned, lightly punching the door.

"No! You wanna be treated like a child? So be it."

I gave up instantly and laid on the bed. I was immediately antsy and restless. Hongjoong was seriously holding me hostage.

"This is fucking ridiculous." I muttered.

I heard the front door open to the apartment so I knew Seonghwa was finally home. Thank god for that because I cannot wait to tell him how his boyfriend has held me prisoner for 20 minutes.

"Hyunjin?" He peeked his head in the room, seeming greatly concerned. "Hey." He closed the door behind him, leaving just us.

"He locked me in here against my will." I crossed my arms and pouted.

"Hyunjin, you shouldn't be asking people to do coke with you." As always, his motherly voice eased my frustrations a bit.

"All he had to do was say no."

"But he has." He calmly stressed. "You've asked him so many times."

"No, I haven't." I shook my head. "I've only asked like three times."

"Hyunjinnie, it's been around ten or twelve now." He put a hand on my shoulder with pleading eyes. "I'm going to give you an ultimatum and it shouldn't be that hard to make a decision, okay?" I nodded, anxious for what it's about to be. "If you go home next month and stay at Wooyoung and San's apartment, and you stay clean the entire month, this room will be yours. Can you do that for us?" I nodded, not liking the sound of this at all. But I'd rather live here where they can do everything for me instead of having to live in that dorm with that weird kid, Jungsu. "You have to want it though. You'll have to make sacrifices."

"I know." I sighed in defeat.

Sometimes I wish they weren't up my ass so much though. They're like strict parents trying to get a hold of their delinquent child. But I guess this is what I get for wanting to be coddled.

"We just want you to be okay."

"I am." I shrugged.

Right?