And To Love In Return... (BOOK 2)

Promise Me

"I figured you'd be out here." Wooyoung said, sitting on the couch as I stayed by the opened window with a lit cigarette. "How many so far?"

"Three."

"Something bothering you?"

I shrugged, "I guess."

"What's on your mind?"

"Jungkook is graduating June 1st." I sighed. "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

There was no way to look at this optimistically. I would've been completely lost and afraid in this city if it weren't for Jungkook.

"Would you be getting a new roommate?" I nodded. "Maybe they'll be cool too. Jungkook is staying in New York, it's not like he's going back to Busan."

"Wait, he told you that?"

Wooyoung nodded. "For his career."

That was actually helpful to hear. Although I didn't like the sound of having a new roommate. It's equally for my sake and theirs. Jungkook has experienced it first hand that I'm a handful to live with.

"Yeah, there seems to be a lot of opportunities here. I feel like it's only idol or nothing back home for our age. You're one of the lucky ones."
I deeply inhaled and exhaled through my nostrils, feeling a slight burning sensation. "What does San plan on doing?"

"He has no idea." He sighed. "I didn't know what I wanted to do either until this just got handed to me. Do you even know?"

I nodded. "An artist, I doubt it'll change."

"I like your stack of magazines on your dresser." He smiled. "I found all your art in there. It looks so professional." I've been in Art511's magazine five weeks in a row and I couldn't be more grateful for the opportunity. "You still selling?"

I shook my head. "Everything was sold. No more Felix portraits, oceans, or half assed flowers."

"You should probably make more just for the money."

"I will. There's a gallery event next month that Art511 invited me to so hopefully I'll be able to talk to some people there."

"Talk to the owner of the place, maybe he'll smack one of your paintings on the wall." I dug my cigarette into the ashtray and sat next to Wooyoung on the couch. He rested his head on my shoulder as I rested mine on top of his. We sat there comfortably for a while without saying a word. At a point, I thought he had fallen asleep until he started the conversation back up. "How much did Felix's post bother you?"

"A lot." I hated to admit it, but how could that not upset me? I made one shady post the day we broke up. That was two months ago! I've made several posts since then and I haven't even thought twice about taking a dig at him. I'm trying to move on with my life, he should do the same.

"Don't text or call him, don't make any shady posts. You need to show him that you're unbothered because he wants your attention. I bet he actually regrets what he did, but that's just my opinion."

"You think so?" I sounded a little too hopeful.

"Hyunjin, you're not getting back together with Felix." He lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at me, desperate that I take in what he was saying. "He said something to me and San the night we had an intervention and I thought about it a lot. He said he'd rather wait until you graduated from college so you can be together and be happy rather than try to fix things, and it only gets worse, and then it's irreparable."

"That's a big word for Felix, you sure he said that?" I smiled.

"I paraphrased." He shrugged playfully. "But what do you think of that?"

I never knew he felt that way. But the question is: will he still want to be with me?

"If that's what he wants, that's what I'll do."

"You just can't stay away from him, can you." He smiled. "You try and convince everyone that you hate him, but we see right through you."

"I am actively trying to get over him though, you know that."

"I do know." He nodded. "But you can't expect this to work out for you. You're different, I know you'll still love him. But Felix? It's a gamble."

He was right. Felix never loved me the way I loved him so the chances were unfortunately slim. But he can't hate me forever, I doubt he even does actually. I say I do, but I know that's the furthest thing from the truth.

"Be honest, do you want us to be together?"

"No, but it's not about what I want." He smiled. "A lot can happen in four years, who knows? Maybe he'll grow up and then I won't be so against it. But right now, I don't think you should be focusing on any type of relationship. I think your career and school is what's most important, love after."

"True." I sighed. "I'm too dependent on people nowadays, I need to learn how to live by myself."

"That terrifies me, but I have faith. Although I'm definitely holding my breath until Hongjoong and Seonghwa get their asses over here."

"What, you don't think I'm capable of being alone?"

"I know you can be alone. But what you do when you're alone is what scares me." He took a deep breath and put his hands on the sides of my shoulders. "I know you can't promise this so I won't ask you to, but please don't leave me."

"I'd never." I shook my head.

"I'm not talking about our friendship."

"Oh." I mumbled, looking down. "Do I frustrate you?" He sighed and pulled me in for a tight hug. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I know I'm a lot."

"It's just so scary sometimes." My heart broke when he started to cry. "I just want you to be okay, but I know you're not and I just wish I could do something to fix it, but I can't. You can't help it, it's just who you are and I know you don't wanna be like this either so it breaks my heart even more. The reality is that this isn't the end with you, I know that must be really fucked up to hear, but I'm always honest with you. I want to see you get better, not settle in the same place and play Russian Roulette with your life."

"Woo, I don't wanna die." I cried, gripping onto the back of his shirt.

"But Jinnie, how do I know you're telling me the truth?" It pained him to ask that question. I know he has a lack of trust in me, but I understand.

"Because I regretted it last time."

"But you said that the first time." He stressed.

"I know." I was starting to get frustrated with myself. No wonder he doesn't believe me, I've never given him a good reason to when it comes to this. "But there's a difference between those two times."

"I know." He sighed, agreeing that there was definitely a difference. "Then do you think you could actually promise me? No more? If you feel like you want to kill yourself, I will answer the damn phone and fly all the way here if that's what needs to happen. Just please, Jinnie, can you promise me?"

"I promise." I choked on tears, knowing how serious of a promise this actually was. But I need to actually try this time. I care more about Wooyoung than myself. He can't lose anyone else. He just can't.