Career Driven Woman

Chapter 37

We arrived back at my hotel. Carlos parked his car in the guest parking underneath the hotel. He turned the car off. We hadn't spoken since he saw the picture. We sat in a moment for silence. I looked down at my hands in my lip, fiddling with my nails.

"I'll walk you to your room" he spoke softly.

"Okay" I whispered.

We got out of the car and wandered to the elevator. We stood awkwardly waiting. The doors opened and we wandered in.  I scanned my pass and pressed my level and the elevator doors closed. The elevator ride was awkward and Carlos and I didn't make eye contact.

The doors eventually opened and we wandered down the hall. I rummaged through my bag and found my key pulling it out. I looked down at it and that at Carlos turning towards him. I looked up at his big brown beautiful eyes.

"Um did you want to come in?" I sheepishly asked.

"You always know exactly what I'm thinking" Carlos said a small smile creeping onto his face.

I breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door. He followed me in locking the door behind me. I put my bag on the table and showed him around the small space. He smiled taking off his jacket and hanging it off the back of one of the dining chairs. He kicked off his shoes and wandered over to the bed. He sat down on one side and sat against the bed, legs sprawled out. He pulled out his phone and opened the photo I had sent. He was still mulling over the tiny embryo.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you" he said looking up over at me.

"Thank you Carlos" I said laughing through my nose crossing my arms and wandering over to him. I sat on the side near his legs and put a hand on his thigh "really Carlos, you've apologised enough for one night it's getting exhausting".

"Is there anything I can do to" he trailed off looking confused "I'm sorry I don't know the words".

I shook my head "I just need time". I squeezed his thigh leaving it lingering. He put a hand over mine staring through my eyes straight into my soul. We stayed like that for a moment before I broke the tension.

"What did you want to do?"

"I just want to be with you"

"Okay" I said scratching my head "we can see what's on the TV?"

He nodded and smiled.

"Do you mind if I change?"

He shook his head.

I grabbed my leggings and t-shirt and wandered to the bathroom closing the door behind me. I quickly got changed, leaving my clothes on top of my suitcase. I climbed on top of the bed and sat next to Carlos, our legs grazing each other. I grabbed the remote from the side table and turned the TV on flicking through the channels before settling on a random TV show.

I tried to focus on the show as did Carlos but I found my eyes wandering to his legs, up to his torso, stealing glances at him. I quickly darted my eyes back to the TV biting my lip and breathing in deep.

I felt Carlos's hand graze mine. Our pinky fingers touched. My heart started racing and my breathing picked up. I slowly turned to look over at Carlos who was already staring at me. We both leaned in closer now inches away from each other. I could feel my chest practically rising and falling dramatically.

Carlos leaned in and our lips softly touched. I leaned into the kiss he grabbed my cheek softly with his large hand and pulled me into the kiss more. I placed my hand over him before shuffling over and crawling onto his lip.

I broke the kiss straddling him before leaning back down. I smashed my lips onto his, I parted my lips and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned slightly as his hands reached my waist, gripping onto me tightly. One of my hands went to his hair, the other on the back of his neck.

As we deepens the kiss, thoughts immediately flooded my head.

We're supposed to be friends.

You said you wanted to take this slow

What about Carlos and his feelings? Did you bother to think about him?

So now you decide you want to sleep with him? What's wrong with you?

What are you doing you idiot 

Stop kissing him you're just making him more confused

You're playing with his feelings

Stop it

Stop

Stop it

Just stop this now

I immediately pulled away from him pushing his chest and slumping back. I was breathing heavily, my chest intently rising up and down up and down. I put one hand on my forehead.

"I'm sorry Carlos" I said confused and frazzled.

"What for?"

"I said I wanted to take it slow and I'm confused and now we're doing this and it isn't fair to you" I said blubbering.

"Saf it's okay it's okay" he said pushing himself up properly.

I moved myself off of him and wandered off toward the table now stressed. I was playing with a man's feelings and it was absolutely not my intention.

"Saffron stop panicking please it's okay"

"I'm sorry" I said tears pooling in my eyes.

He immediately walked over to me and embraced me in a hug. I gave up trying to cover up my emotions and immediately started crying. To be fair we had had a very long long conversation about the baby, the termination, it was all too much.

Carlos grabbed me a few tissues and I blew my nose. I carefully wiped my eyes trying not to take off the remaining mascara left on my eyes.

"I'm exhausted" I whispered into Carlos's chest.

He gushed me and we wandered over to the bed.

"It's not fair for me to act this way and then contradict myself by saying I want to take things slow"

He hushed me again.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked softly planting a kiss on my head.

"No" I whispered.

Just friends.

Just friends.

Just friends.