Career Driven Woman

Chapter 20

Saying goodbye to Carlos almost 4 weeks ago was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I will admit I cried at the airport when I had to leave and I was surprised to see him shed a couple of tears. We hugged and kissed for the last time in what would be an unknown amount of time before we saw each other again.

Since coming home, whilst I was glad to be back I was feeling like complete shit. I was missing Carlos more than ever. Even though I would call or face time him almost every night it just wasn't the same. I missed seeing him everyday, his touch, his embrace, sleeping next to him, his company, his cooking, his laughter. All of it. I so desperately wanted to leave everything behind and be with him.

But that's not who I am. I wanted to make something of myself. I promised myself that one day I will have made it. I will have achieved all I set out to do. And that's exactly what I was going to do. I didn't want to give up just for a man. Although I did love him dearly.

But not everything was all peaches and cream. Soon enough as predicted the anxious feeling in my stomach crept back in. Carlos definitely didn't have the same knack he had when I saw him in Spain. Our conversations felt forced and awkward. The love we had for each other seemed to be dissipating. Carlos no longer sounded excited to hear my voice when I called or see my face when we FaceTimed.

The "Mi Amores" had slowed down and I was lucky enough to even get 2 or 3 in our conversations. Instead he just called me Saf or Saffy. It was unusual. I couldn't help but think that maybe it was the distance thing that was getting to him. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt.

As I headed into work I couldn't help but get rid of the constant head noise between missing Carlos and wondering if he missed me. Did he love me still? Did he still want to be with me? My head was spinning and the thoughts grew louder and louder. As I got to my building I met Lottie in the elevator.

"You okay?" She asked looking concerned "you look like shit. Carlos again?"

I sighed, nodding and then throwing my head back in defeat.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really" I mumbled.

The elevator ride was silent.

As we got to our floor I trudged my way in towards my office. I put my bag away and took a deep breath in mentally trying to prepare myself for the day. 3, 2, 1 I thought before opening my eyes and taking a seat.

Lottie came in behind me with El and I heard the door to our shared office space close. I swivelled around in my chair to see the two of them standing in front of me.

"Is this an intervention?" I asked raising an eye brow.

"No" El said sternly "but we are worried about you".

"Guys I am fine. Totally fine" I said weakly smiling.

"Okay Ross you definitely are not. Tell us what's going on".

I sighed "well. Carlos has been different. He doesn't sound happy to talk to me anymore, it's like he just doesn't want to be with me anymore. But it's okay I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that the love of my life might break up with me but it's  fine" my lip quivering.

"Jesus well-" Lottie said before I interrupted abruptly.

"And if that wasn't enough to deal with I think I'm coming down with the flu" I said trying to hold back tears.

"Huh?" El said titling her head to the side

"I said I think I'm getting the flu. I'm super nauseous and I've been throwing up intermittently, I'm tired, I feel run down, my body hurts. It's tiring" I said sighing.