The Legend Of the Great Potato

Chapter 1 : The Sown Seeds

The breaking light hits the morning dew; it's the middle of a summer morning. The sun has just broken dawn, and the cockatrice crows violently above the barn, spewing flames. The farmer prepares to till his land so he can plant his seeds—seeds he had bought from a wizard that had cost him half his fortune.

The old farmer said, "With these, I could easily make up the money I've invested... hopefully," he sighs. The farmer had gambled his livelihood with these seeds. Then the farmer imitates the crow of the cockatrice, shouting from the top of his lungs, "CROCKA DOODLE DOOOOOO!" The Cockatrice swiftly shifts its head towards the sound, then immediately lunges forward, spreading its wings and gliding over to her master. Just before landing, the cockatrice exhales a plume of flame, cushioning its landing, then strides toward the field.

The farmer then casts a simple spell that all the farmers knew. It had turned the once-small cockatrice into a 7-foot-tall flightless bird that spews flames. The farmer whistles, signaling the Cockatrice to lie down on its belly. The farmer then mounts a saddle behind her back. The feathers behind her head show excitement for the saddle. The farmer ties the harness at the front to ensure he won't fall as soon as the Cockatrice stands. After a tedious 10 minutes pass, the farmer is finally ready to start tilling the land.

After all his preparations, the sun has fully risen above the horizon, almost reaching the clouds. The farmer then rides the majestic enlarged cockatrice, Trixie by name. The farmer shouts, "TRIXIE!" The Cockatrice stands up and then "PLOW." Trixie goes to the far left of the yard, dragging its yoke. Trixie flexes her muscles, fanning her tail feathers and stretching her thighs. She stands gallantly, then scans the land, examining the ground as she bows her head. The farmer whistles, and the Cockatrice readies her stance, laying low and bending her scaly legs. The farmer gives her a slight kick to her rib, signaling her to go. She runs steadfast, pulling the yoke and dragging the massive plow with ease. She rips through the field, leaving trails of expertly plowed lines. Trixie the Cockatrice finishes plowing all 108 acres to perfection. The farmer, overjoyed by Trixie's progress, exclaims joyously, "BEFORE HIGH NOON!"

He grabs Trixie's lead to get her to the water trough, and she drinks as much water as she can possibly take. Then the spell wears off, and she gradually shrinks back to her original size, feeling a bit melancholy. The master sees Trixie's head hanging low and says, "Don't be so sad, ol' gal. Tell you what, tomorrow, if this works, we'll do it all over again." The Cockatrice's head springs up with excitement, and she runs around in circles, showing a joyous expression.

The farmer then sets up an irrigation system all over the field to make sure the seeds get plenty of water. After creating the channels, he pulls out the sack of seeds hanging on his belt. He scatters the seeds as the wizard instructed, then walks toward his pitcher pump a little ways over by the barn. The farmer mounts a water hose on the spout of the pitcher, grabs the lever, and starts pumping in a vertical movement. The farmer sweats on his brow, wiping it with the sleeves of his shirt. After a few minutes, the water finally fills the hose, directing it towards the irrigation channels. The farmer exhaustively pumps until he can visibly see the tilled land has been properly watered, watching the once-dry red dirt turn into mushy brown mud. Once he sees the desired outcome, the farmer stops for a moment to catch his breath. He pants while his arm braces his body to his knees and says, "TRIXIE, GET THE MUFFIN MAN!" The cockatrice stands and runs into the rustic red barn.

The farmer, still exhausted from pumping the land with water, limply walks over to the center of the field, dragging his feet on the muddied land. The cockatrice then tugs on a figure of a rotund scarecrow, the Muffin Man, as the farmer called it. The small yet fierce cockatrice drags the heavy Muffin Man over to the field, dragging it through the mud, ruining some of the planted seeds and causing them to accumulate in the center. The farmer doesn't mind, as he is too tired to even notice, realizing that he needs to prop up the Muffin Man to stop the crows and ravens from approaching his newly planted seeds. The sun almost sets, so the farmer heads back to his home to finally rest for the day.

The seeds finally settle in, and the roots rapidly grow through the tilled earth. The seed sprouts its first leaf within minutes. Soon after, mere minutes from its first leaves, the seedling grows its stalk, and branches spiral out, creating more leaves. Through the night, the seed settles into its vegetative state. A few hours pass, and the plant seems to settle, waiting for the first light. The farmer, clueless about what's happening in his field, finally feels remorse about his newly planted seeds. He worries that the wizard was a sham, but what's done is done, and he can't do anything about it but have faith that the wizard was honest.

The farmer then prepares his meal. He casts another simple spell into the stove while turning the handle, letting wisps of gas out of the burner. A single flame emerges from the palm of the farmer, igniting the stove. He sets a cast-iron skillet over the flame, adds a bit of lard to it, and waits for the lard to melt. After a minute or two, the lard melts, and the farmer starts cutting fingerling potatoes and cherry tomatoes into halves. He tosses the cut vegetables onto the cast iron, splashing some of the melted lard onto the side. As the vegetables hit the ripping hot oil, the sound of crackling oil fills the air as the tomatoes and potatoes cook. The farmer grabs a wooden spoon to stir the sizzling vegetables. As he stirs, splattering oil jumps onto his forearms, causing the farmer to back off. He mutters a few curses to the gods, then removes the cast iron from the flame.

He dumps the slightly charred veggies onto his plate, exclaiming to himself, "Bon appétit." He then drizzles a dash of salt and pepper to taste and digs in for the first bite. After finishing his dinner, he heads to bed, praying for results in the morning, just as the wizard promised.