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I'm so fucked up.
I know deep down in my heart, I've started to fall in love with Jake. And this is so fucked up.
I've always tried to deny it because I don't want to fall for him, it's wrong. Our first met is wrong in the first place so I can't falling in love with him.
But I know I can't keep running away from this feeling anymore. And now I have acknowledge it, I can't take it back. It does feels good but at the same time it's not.
This lingering feeling in my heart, what should I do about this? Should I tell him? But what if he'll get mad at me for not controlling my feelings?
I suddenly remembered about the game, where if one of us falls in love first, we need to wear a bear costume. Ugh, does it mean that I lose the game? Do I need to wear it?
My head is such a messed. I don't know what to think anymore. This is bad, having this feeling is bad. Because I know our relationship will end in less than a month now and we will reutrn to a complete strangers after that.
So, before I fall deeply into this feeling that I have for him, I should erase it away.
I plopped my body on my bed, heaving a sigh. How and when did this happen anyway? I closed my eyes, trying to think the exact time I started to develop feelings for Jake.
A lot of memories between us played in my mind, flashing through like a movie. From the time we shared a bed together at Choi Hamin's place, the time I took care of him when he's sick, the time he took care of me when I'm on my period, the time where we stayed at my father's house, the time we played in the snow.
When suddenly the scene stops at the time where we almost kiss.
I immediately open my eyes and sits up on my bed. I'm pretty sure my face is redden now. Do I really want to kiss him? The image of his soft and plump lips appear on my mind which made me covered my face with a pillow and scream through it.
I don't know the exact time where I starts to develop this feeling but I'm sure now that I have falling in love with him.
I messed up my hair. It's not like he loves me. He hates me and he loves Ruby Hwang, right?
"I thought you need something sweet to liven up the mood. I even bought mint chocolate ice cream, your favourite."
"The way he looks at you, as if you are the brightest star in the sky. He looks like he's willing to sacrifice everything for you, to make you safe with him, to make you comfortable with the life he's providing you."
"He won't noticed anything around him that is not important to him."
"Here's some strawberries for you, your favourite fruit."
Those words suddenly played in my mind. I stares at the corner of my room, scratching my cheek before I stands up to walk out from my room.
