"I've done things," Charlie said, looking up into his eyes full of disappointment. "Things that I am not proud of. But everything I've done, I've done to survive...And I did. I survived."
"And are you happy?" Daryl asked, using all his power to stop...
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Let me see the baby.
What are we gonna feed it?
We got anything a baby can eat?
The good thing is she looks healthy.
But she needs formula.
Charlie furrowed her eyebrows. Everything and everyone felt so away as if she was standing behind a glass or underwater, or else...maybe she was still in that boiler room. "And soon or she won't survive," was the first sentence she could match to a person. Hershel was talking with Daryl, and the baby was still crying.
"We ain't losing nobody else," the other man said. "I'm going for a run."
"I'll back you up," Maggie proposed without a second thought.
Charlie wanted to volunteer as well, but her mouth just didn't want to cooperate with her brain. She was just standing there with bloody, shaky hands.
"I'll go, too," Glenn said right after his girlfriend.
"Okay, think we're going. Beth," Daryl nodded and stepped aside with the younger girl. Charlie couldn't hear what he was saying but felt his eyes on her as he did, and then he looked over at Carl. He must have said something like keep an eye on them, but would Beth really be a reliable person to give two lives to..."You two get the fence. Too many pile-ups, we got ourselves a problem," he gestured towards the two prisoners."Hey," Daryl touched her arm delicately. "I'll be back soon, okay?"
He saw her eyes wandering around, but she wasn't present.
She was so far away at that moment. Maybe part of her was still in the boiler room, maybe part of her was in the quarry, on the farm, or maybe even in Atlanta. Maybe a small part of her was in her family house, surrounded by her brothers, mom, and even dad. It couldn't be her life. She must be sleeping, because there was no way she could kill a person.
"Charlie, I need you to look at me," he said, but she did what he said after he placed a hand on her cheek. "I'm going for a run. I'll be back as soon as possible. Look over Carl, and don't do anything stupid. Charlie?"
"Okay," she whispered, and after she nodded to strengthen her response. Then she felt his lips on her temple.
"Rick!" Maggie called in fear.
To this moment he was sitting as if he was made out of the stone. He didn't hug Carl, didn't ask how he felt, he didn't even look at the baby. He was too deep in his own loss to even notice how other people dealt with the loss. Now she could only see his back as he was going in the direction of a place where his wife died. She could have let both of them die as it didn't make any difference if the baby was alive. At least then she wouldn't have blood on her hands and guilt in her whole body.
"Come on! We're gonna lose light!" Daryl yelled, snapping Charlie from her thoughts.
Memories of the events were hunting her -the longer it was from it, the more pictures were flashed in front of her eyes. Nothing seemed to wash off the blood she had on her hands, she still felt its weight on her skin, and the smell lingered too deep to get rid of it - even though they had been cleaned for a long time. Charlie couldn't be in the same room as the baby, she couldn't even look at the little girl. Her cry was remembering her of Lori who was screaming in pain, and who was the cause of the pain she was experiencing.
