Blame's On Me {H.S x You) Book 2

eleven: chemo

{1 Month Later}

My eyes squeeze together tightly. Everything hurt. My head was fuzzy. My eyes were sunken, swollen and tired. I've slept but all the radiation, all the chemo was taken a toll. It really started hitting me two weeks away when I came back from New York with Hailee.

She finished filming for Dickinson. We packed up her place and then we headed home in J.J's car. It was good to be on good terms with J.J again. Even Hailee and J.J were getting along which was nice.

"Hey," a soft voice speaks as I open my eyes. Hailee walks over, a soft smile spread across her lips. She wore a black baseball cap, an oversized black hoodie and dark blue jeans with Nike air forces. I smile lightly as she comes over and sits down in the chair beside mine. "You okay?"

"Really tired. I didn't think you were coming," I say, lightly. Hailee gives a side smile as she reaches her hand over the arms of the chair and takes my hand j to her's. My eyes shift from her hazel ones to our hands seeing all the tubes hooked ip to me. I look up and back to Hailee's eyes. She is the only comfort I have when I'm at the hospital.

"I wasn't but I made time," Hailee says, giving my hand a tight squeeze. "The nurse say anything?"

I shake my head. We were supposed to here how much I'd have to keep doing this for today but there hasn't been anything said. It was the same routine every time I came in. Check in, walk in this room, sit in a chair and wait. A nurse would come over, sweet talk you and check in on you, usually one of two nurses, then hook you up in the process. It always took an hour or so to do. It's been about 15. 

"Distract me," I say, weakly like. My head leaning against the chair. My eyes focusing on the beautiful girl in front of me. "I don't want to think about this."

"J.J and I went dress shopping," Hailee says. "Yesterday when you were with your aunt."

I smile lightly. I proposed just a month ago and we've been talking about the wedding almost every day. I wasn't allowed to see Hailee's dress until the day of the wedding which the date still isn't set. I proposed a black and red themed wedding. Hailee wasn't down but that's fair. Most people don't like that, they'd rather do traditional. But then I brought up a Christmas themed wedding. She wasn't totally against it but she still preferred the white dress and me to do white or black tux or dress. I laughed when she said me in a dress. No one's ever catching me dead in a dress. Or even alive. The last time I even wore a dress was my 5th grade graduation when I was still living with my parents. Entering middle school is when Uncle Wyatt and Aunt May really took me in. Actually allowed me to be myself.

"Did you find a dress?" I ask, looking tiredly between her eyes. Her smile grows as she nods her head up and down slowly.

"I think I found the one," Hailee informs me and my lips curve upwards. I squeeze her hand. "And you know how J.J is, she was picking out this insane dresses I could never pull off. I tried one on and it actually was a runner up."

"Babe, you look good in anything," I say, knowing exactly how J.J is. I could only imagine what kind of dress she was picking out for sweet little ole Hailee.

"I'm telling you love, I would not have been able to pull those dresses off. It was bad, real bad. I like J.J and I think her style is unique but I can't pull it off," Hailee says only causing me to chuckle. I chuckle a little too hard making myself start to cough. I go into a coughing fit and turn away from Hailee. I hated this. The feeling of dying. That's what it felt like. I felt like no matter what I did or talked about or whatever, everything hurt. I felt like my body was slowly decaying. I felt like these coughing fits were going to send me straight to the grave. Six feet under. And I couldn't leave Hailee. Not like this. Not till we're grown. We're married. We're old and wrinkly. 

A nurse comes rushing over and looks at everything before I initially stop coughing. I lean my head back and I'm handed a cup with a straw.

"You alright?" The nurse asks as I take a sip. I nod as the water slides down my throat.

"Yeah sorry," I say seeing her head shake.

"There's no reason to apologize sweetheart. I know it's rough," the nurse spoke. She was older. I'd say no older than 45 maybe. She was a kind soul and usually the nurse I had when I'm here. "I actually have some news for you and your beautiful girlfriend."

I tear my eyes from the nurse and glance to Hailee. Her eyes held hope but I already knew the news. I told the nurse to do this. I couldn't bring myself to tell Hailee myself.

"So I reran some scans with the doctor. We've been monitoring Y/n's process with treatment and we have some good and bad news," the nurse says catching me off guard. That's not what she told me earlier.

"Okay what's the bad news first?" Hailee asks, squeezing my hand. She was so full of hope that my eyes just stay locked on her side profile.

The nurse nods. "Y/n being so tired is the effects of the chemo. It's working, but the cancer is still there. It's just slow moving. We don't know how long it'll take before the cancer's gone. All we know is and I'm speaking from experience, you just have to keep fighting for this H/n. To be alive. Hailee dear, you've been here every step of the way, it's helpful. I see it the way Y/n looks at you. When they're out of hope they look at you girl because you're full of it."

Hailee's head slowly turns from the nurse to me. Our eyes lock and I just nod, gingerly squeezing her hand. My eyes tear from her hazel ones and to our locked hands. Her nails painted red. Bright, colorful. Beautiful.

"I'll get this wrapped up for you two. Another 25 minutes then you'll be good to go," the nurse gently says. She stands and heads away, leaving Hailee and I alone. In silence.

"You're my lifeline Hailee," I whisper after a couple seconds. I move slightly, wincing before looking at the girl. "You are my hope."

"Y/n..." Hailee whispers but that's all she says. Our eyes lock and I pull my lip in between my lips briefly, closing my eyes and nodding. I turn my head and look around the room. There's several other people in here. All getting chemo. Everyone with something different. But not all of them with someone by their side. Not all of them they have to hold hands with. No one to have by their side through the hardest parts. The nurse was supposed to inform Hailee how bad it's about to get until it can get better.

A low sigh escapes my lips as I look back at Hailee. "Hailee."

"Hm?" She hums. Her eyes never left mine.

"It's going to get bad. The chemo is taken a toll and it's going to get really bad," I whisper and Hailee nods getting up out of her chair. I move slightly and let her sit on my lap, wrapping my arms around her holding her close to me. She lays her head on mine.

"I'm not going anywhere Y/n. Not now, not ever," Hailee whispers placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head. "Your hardest battles will be mine. I'm right here."