Daydream // Chanlix

2.0

Felix and Chan had had their share of minor disputes since moving in with one another and being an integral part of each other's lives, but they never really fought.

"Can you double check that the hall light is off next time? Can you please not wash the sheets without putting new ones on straight after?" Tended to be the beginnings and ends of their disputes. 

But this was a fight, and Felix had no idea what to do about it. 

He had regretted the words he had said the moment they left his mouth, but that didn't mean they weren't the truth. The blond had mulled it over in his head countless times after storming out of their apartment, and he didn't stop wincing at the harshness of his words every single time. 

He already knew where he was going the moment he left - somewhere he hadn't been in far too long, somewhere he used to go when his brain got a little too loud and a little too scrambled.

The bookstore. 

Since getting involved with Chan, his trips there had become less and less frequent, until he found himself avoiding the place altogether. It held a lot of bad memories, but he used to find power in knowing he turned it from a place of horror to a place of comfort. These days, he didn't need to seek comfort anywhere but Chan, and so he began associating the bookstore with just the bad again. 

Felix needed to feel powerful again, he needed to feel in control. 

When he unlocked the door, the familiar smell of paper and light dust flooded his nostrils, the scent attacking him with vicious nostalgia. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad. 

As a result of his neglect, there was a light coating of dust lining the shelves and blanketing the floor, undisturbed apart from where he stepped, as if waking a beast from its hibernation. He couldn't help but think back to his first time in here. It wasn't by choice, and it wasn't alone. 

Felix walked to the back area, turning to the supply closet just behind the door as he gathered some cleaning supplies. Tackling the place with a thorough clean would hopefully keep his mind off of things for a while.

Though, to the blond's dismay, as he started removing the books from the first of many shelves, taking a duster to it from multiple angles, the only thing he could think about was the words he said to Chan.

'You made me soft.'

It wasn't untrue, and to some it wouldn't even be considered a bad thing. But to Felix, someone who had been helpless his entire human life, his strength and hardened exterior meant everything to him. He recognised the development of his cruelty when he turned, the remains of his inner human screaming at him to have mercy, but he had ignored it with every fibre of his being until it simply disappeared.

He gave in to his desires, gave in to the wicked wants of pain and helplessness, and hadn't looked back - until he met Chan. 

It was like everything he had done to become a force of brutality over his two years of being a vampire had been undone by Chan in the span of nine months. He felt himself caring again, even for those he didn't know. He felt pity for his prey, albeit on a very, very, small level, but it was still present, and it made him uncomfortable to experience. 

Felix couldn't help but think of himself as a human, how alike he had been to Chan before losing that part of him completely. 

Though he hadn't really lost it, because he had chose to ignore it, and push it down until it was so compressed he didn't even resonate with it anymore. He saw his humanity as a flaw, something that slowed him down and burdened him. 

Of course, when he met Chan, his views changed. With humanity comes compassion, and with compassion comes love. 

Felix almost laughed. Love.