Daydream // Chanlix

2.1

The woman didn't scream. 

She didn't scream when she was pushed up against a wall forcefully, or when a certain pair of lips got dangerously close to her neck. She didn't scream when a hand shoved her head to a tilt. She didn't scream when Chan ripped her throat out. 

It helped, Chan thought. It helped that she didn't resist, that she didn't beg for her life, that she didn't move an inch or make a sound. It was likely out of terror, but regardless, it helped. 

It was Chan's first time feeding out of want instead of need, on his own with no one to encourage him. He made the decision to go out and find someone, and he made the decision to kill them.

And of course his brain was eating itself alive because of that. 

A part of him which seemed to be dulled until now, lit up with ecstasy at the impulsive act of violence, and at the free flowing blood entering his body. His brain thanked him with endorphins, a euphoric feeling overtaking his nervous system as he drained every last drop from the nameless woman. 

But of course, his conscience was screaming for him to stop, to let her live, reminding him that she was an innocent person who likely had a family waiting for her at home. He pushed it away as much as he could, but the guilt would stab at him periodically before being replaced by more blood. 

Chan was learning to give in to his vampire urges, something he had not fully submitted to ever since he was turned. Of course, he had his moments over the months, but never had he allowed himself to just let go and surrender completely. 

And god, did it feel good.

Chan understood why Felix had doubts about Chan's contentment as a vampire - of course he enjoyed feeding, it was a vampire's greatest pleasure no matter how good of a person you were - but feeding like this was on a whole other level. It scared him how much he liked just plucking someone's life away from them on a whim.

His body screamed for slaughter, something in the back of his mind telling him to 'get another one'. He almost did, until the thud of her dead body hitting the ground brought him back to reality long enough for his emotions to flood in like water from a broken dam. 

Why did he have to feel so much? Why did he have to empathise with his victims on such an intense level? Why the fuck did he put himself in their shoes?

He was trying not to, and it was working. He didn't let himself think, blocking his thoughts out by humming a mindless tune to shut his inner voice up. He hummed it while he dragged her body to the nearest dumpster, knowing it would likely be found in a couple days, but telling himself he was far enough away from home for it to link back to him. He hummed as he walked away, wiping blood from the corner of his lips. 

He hummed as he walked to the car, one he had rented in case he was followed. He hummed as he drove back to the apartment, as he walked up the stairs, and through the door into the empty bedroom. He hummed as he dropped on the mattress, snuggling into the sheets.

He stopped humming when he remembered the tune he was humming was a melody himself and Changbin had composed, and then all of a sudden he was thinking about the decision that had plagued him for the last twenty four hours.

The reason Felix and him had fought, the reason he was trying to become more distanced from his humanity. The reason his boyfriend was sleeping at his best friend's house tonight instead of in their shared bed. 

Should he kill Changbin?

Logistically, it made sense. It was one less person targeting them, one less person who knew what they were, and one less radical feeding the group information.