Call me your lover

Out of love

The evening went by extreme slow cause I was just sitting next to my girlfriend watching her get drunk and flirt
And the problem is that I was still so in love with her that I tried my best not to be jealous
I grabbed her hand
,,Rep i don't feel so good..."
She put her hand away and looked at me
For a second I could see the old spark she had when she looked at me coming back but it went away as fast as it got there
,,ok you can go upstairs"
I did what she told me to
I rode the elevator with some guys
,,oh girl you're gorgeous!"
I looked uncomfortable
,,oh sorry we're gay we didn't mean it in a weird way"
,,thank you for saying that. Not even my girlfriend told me that today."
,,well then she's not the right one cause you're stunning!"
They left one floor under mine
Maybe she wasn't the right one...
I removed my makeup but honestly the tears were already doing that for me
Tears were streaming down my face as I looked in the mirror

TW false body image!

I got too much weight on me
My thighs were too big and I had a little tummy fat
Oh god
My ex told me to stay skinny and not be like that and now I am looking like he never wanted me to.
He put me on diets and controlled my eating habits so I would stay underweight all the time.
It took me some time to recover but I think rep would love me to be a tall skinny girl like the bartender
I lied down curling up in the sheets.
I wore her t shirt and breathed in her scent
This could be the last time...
I wasn't able to sleep cause i was a sobbing mess
Rep was probably fucking the bartender downstairs while getting drunk
And I was laying here
Alone

<Rep>
The bartender was pretty but I would never date her
I used her as a distraction for lover
I knew there were ways of doing it without her knowing that I was on my period but I wanted it to be like the full thing
And I just wasn't able to push that need away whenever I was around her
I lover her face and how she had little dimples when she smiled
I loved how her thighs grew a bit when she sat down
It honestly was such a turn on
I loved how pure she was and kind and able to make me laugh so much that my stomach hurt
I decided to leave the bar and give her some affection
I bet she didn't notice how I acted anyway

I tried to be as quiet as possible when I opened the door but I already heard some noises when I stood in front of the room
It was sobbing
Lover was crying
I rushed up to her dropping my bag on the floor and placed her in my arms as tight as possible
,,Rep?"
I took her some time to get out my name between those deep snaps for air
I pulled her to my chest
,,you-..do-don't love me anymore do you?"
She tried her best to bring out that sentence while looking at me with red eyes
I was in shock
,,what?"
She calmed down a bit
,,I mean I understand it but pls just leave me now cause- cause I can't keep watching you find me unattractive. I tried my best today! I wore the hairstyle you lo-loved on me and-and..." she took a deep breath
,,and I will loose some weight i promise... I probably make you embarrassed to go out like that"
I wasn't able to say a word as I stared in the deep ocean blue eyes in front of me
,,lover what?"
I grabbed her face with my hands
,,what are you even talking about?"
,,it's okay reputation I know I didn't try to be perfect for you anymore and I can change that really but if you don't want to-"
,,no stop right there! Who tf told you that you're to big?"
,,I can see it rep I am not blind!"
,,well I guess you are cause your sitting in front of me and I can't see too much weight anywhere"
,,am I pretty?"
,,ofc you are I am so sorry for not telling you how gorgeous you look! I was such an idiot today and I have such a dumb reason"
,,so are we still good?"
,,we are omg I love you and I'll never stop loving you"
,,what's the reason then? Am I like...yk bad in...yk"
,,OMG NO JUST STOP! I am on my period and you kind of idk turn me on and I didn't wanna tell you cause that would ruin the trip and I can't do it while having my period."
,,I don't see why not?"
She smiled innocently
,,what-"
Her smile grew wider
,,I mean we have a bathtub and a shower and towels to lay under and-"
,,ok stop talking pls"
I interrupted her with a ruff kiss that soon turned into a make out season
Her hands were pinned down on the bed above her had and I could still taste the salty tears
I wandered down to her neck leaving my marks
,,I am so sorry..."

An: ok couldn't let you wait... i mean rep will never do that again...at least I hope so☺️

Love you all!💓