The Cost of a Dance (GxG)

Chapter 10

I sat at the kitchen table, staring down at my hands. My mother sat across from me, tapping her nails against the wooden tabletop.

Ellie set a few plates before placing them in front of us. "Breakfast is served."

"Thank you..." My mother said.

Ellie nodded politely, kissing the top of my head before sitting down next to me.

Another silence fell over the table as I picked at my food, my appetite suddenly gone.

Ellie spoke up then. "So, uh, what's brings you here, Emory?"

My mother looked up at us. "Uh, well, that's kind of a personal matter..."

I scoffed, dropping my fork on the plate. "Just tell me what you're here for, mother."

My mom nodded, setting her fork down. "I... I wanted to tell you that I'm sober... I, um, I'm not very good at the whole apology thing, but you deserve one-"

"It's a little late for apologies, don't you think?" I cut off bitterly.

Ellie took my hand. "Tess... Just, hear her out..."

I looked to Ellie, then to my mother, a slight sigh escaping me. "Fine... Continue..."

My mother looked down. "I shouldn't have left you when your father got diagnosed. I..." a few tears welled in her eyes as she continued. "I loved you father more than life itself and I couldn't bare to see him like that... It just... Hurt... It hurt so fucking much and I didn't know what else to do..."

I felt the tears in my eyes then. "It hurt me to, mom... But, you leaving us hurt worse... You're supposed to be my mother... The woman I look up to, the woman I confide in, the woman I trust... I needed you and you weren't there..."

She wiped at her eyes as a few tears got loose. "I know, honey... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I left you on your own... What can I do? What can I do to make things right?"

I sniffled, wiping at my eyes now. I wanted her to just leave me alone. It was so easy for her to walk away all those years ago, why couldn't she just stay away? But, she was my mother. She was being honest and sincere. I can tell she missed me. I can tell she loved me and my father. She was in pain, just like I was.

"I want to trust you... But, I don't know if I can... What if... What if I let you back in and then you leave again? I can't put myself through that again, mom..."

My mom took my hand from across the table. "Tessa, look at me..."

I looked up into her tear streaked eyes, tears of my own still leaking down my cheeks.

"I love you, Tessa... I love you so much... I know you have no reason to trust me, not after what I did... But, I promise you, I'll never leave you again... I'll never hurt you again..."

I looked into my mothers eyes for a long while, there was nothing but sincerity there. She was telling the truth.

My head nodded slowly, my grip on her hand tightening. "Ok..."

Ellie stood then, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "I'll give you guys some time to chat, I have to get ready for work anyway."

My mom released my hand as I stood up, pressing a kiss to Ellie's lips. "Come by after work?"

She nodded before turning to my mother. "It was great meeting you, Emory. Hopefully next time it won't be over cheap waffles."

My mom flashed her a humorous smile, sniffling. "It was nice meeting you as well."

Then, Ellie took her leave, my mother and I watching her go.

"I like her..." My mom said.

I slowly sat back down, a little smile pulling at my lips. Her approval meant a lot to me, even after all this time. "I do to..."

"And she's just so cute." My mom gushed.

I started to laugh, causing her to do the same. "I love you, mom..."

My mom smiled. "I love you to, honey..."

We spent the rest of the day catching up. Clearing my mind of the final bit of negativity that lurked there...

These last couple days have done more for me than any amount of alcohol in the world ever could. Forgiveness isn't an easy thing to do. Especially when you've been wronged so many times in the past. But, without forgiveness, all we have is hatred and pain. The suffering that hatred brings just pulls you down further. Not everyone is deserving of forgiveness, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try...

   I sat on the front porch, watching my mother's car pull out of my driveway. There was still a hint of a smile on my face as I waved her off.

   A contented sigh slipped past my lips. My heart felt full, my mind at ease. For the first time in a long time, I felt whole.

   I noticed a car pulling into my driveway then. I stood up as Hunter got out, flashing me a smile. "Hey, stranger. How're you?"

   She pulled me into a quick hug. "Good... I just made up with my mom."

   Hunter smiled again. "Wow, I never thought I'd see the day."

   I laughed lightly, lowering my head a little. "It was all Ellie... She... She's really good for me."

   Hunter gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I told you, all you needed was someone to pull you out of your own head."

   I nodded towards the front door. "Come on in. She should be back in a little while and I really want you to meet her. The real her."

   Hunter nodded, following me inside. "Alright, I can't wait..."

   Hunter was right. She was always right. I was just to blind to see it. I needed Ellie in a way I don't think she'd ever understand. Being alone has a way of binding you, especially when you're at your lowest. It helps to have a support system of sorts. Someone to help remind you what life's really all about. We're only here for so long, so we should enjoy it while we can...