in this forever - dnf football au

5

dreams pov:

George hand is shaking in mine, Im already in tears as the nurse smears gel on his belly, he looks so beautiful in the dim light, I watch carefully as the doctor takes out the ultrasound wand and presses it to his tummy, she glides it around searching for the foetus, I don't know if its just my nerves but it seems to be taking longer than usual,

when a couple minutes pass without a steady image of the baby or a heartbeat I move my eyes from the screen to the doctor, she seems pretty relaxed and continues to run the probe over his belly,

she glides the  probe further down his tummy George looks up at me, his big brown eyes are watering with tears, "okay," the doctor sighs, putting the wand down and turning to a nurse, "can you get him cleaned up? and clay can I speak with you in my office," she says, I feel sick with nerves but comply,

"is everything okay?" I ask, sitting into one of the chairs opposite from her,

i'm trembling with nerves as she explains all the possible reasons for the lack go a heartbeat, she tells me not to panic but it already to late, she explains that it could be because the foetus is underdeveloped and that they want us to come back and to a vaginal ultrasound where they should be able to hear one,

I don't know what to say, or how I'm gonna explain this to George or everyone we've already told about the pregnancy,

"okay thank you," i sigh standing up and walking out meeting george outside the door, he looks numb, his face has a look of desperation, "c'mere darling," i sigh pulling him into a hug right there in the middle of the hallway,

"i thought it was gonna be easier," he sobs, he goes completely limp as he falls into my arms,

"i promise baby, the doctors will be everything they possibly can, and i'll be by your side through everything, they want you to come in next week or another scan," i gently explain,

"i wanna go home," he whispers weakly,

"okay darling we can go home," i say picking him up and letting him rest his head on my shoulder,

i walk back down the hall and into the reception, we get a couple weird looks from the people in the waiting room but i don't care,

i pay as quick as i can then walk outside, George still nestled in my arms, place him down in the passengers seat of the car and he curls up in a ball and closes his eyes as tears fall down his cheeks, he looks so tiered,

when I sit into my drivers seat I reach my hand over and let his hold one of my fingers, "she said they might just be underdeveloped, you were pretty stressed the first few weeks it would make sense," I say, desperately trying to get aching expression off his face,

"I don't wanna talk about it," he croaks,

"okay," I whisper, caressing his soft hand with my thumb, we drive in silence, the same sorrowful silence that filled his car as we drove home from the nicu as our little girl slept in an incubator surrounded by other sick, crying babies.

I hold his hand as we walk up the driveway and into the house, "dada! papa!" Ivy says excitedly greeting us holding julia's hand and running towards me,

George doesn't respond, "hi sweetie," I smile picking her up and kissing her forehead, George lets go of my hand and begins to climb the stairs,

"would you mind watching her for another bit, we got some bad news at the scan," I say,

"of course, is everything okay?" julia asks,

"not really, there wasn't a heartbeat on the scan, we don't really know what's happening but its not a great sign," I admit,

"oh god that's awful," she says,

"thank you so much for this," I say, "Ive you're gonna hang out with julia bit more is that okay?" I ask,

"dada?" she asks,

"dada isn't feeling well I have to go look after him," I say twirling one of her pigtails around my finger,

"its okay ivy we can play with you dolls some more," julia says,

she lets me hand ivy back to her as I mouth "thank you so much," then follow George upstairs, our room is dark, I can just about make out the shape of George wrapped in a blanket, the sound of his soft sobs like daggers in my heart,

"angel," I sigh taking off my shoes and climbing into bed with him,

"you said it would be easier," he cries, as I wrap both my arms around his shaking shoulders,

"I didn't know baby, I'm so sorry," I whisper, pulling him even closer and stroking his hair,

"I'm not mad at you, i just wish this was easier," he croaks, looking up at me, he looks so tired,

"do you want me to keep julia on for the rest of the day? i'll stay up here and look after you," I ask,

"no, can you bring ivy up here?" he asks,

"of course," I say slipping out of bed and going back down stairs,

"julia, thank you so much but its okay now, I'm gonna look after ivy," I say, their both sitting in the living room floor, with a tea party set up infront of them and ivy asleep on the couch,

"oh okay," she smiles, I hand her her extra pay then walk her to the door, I then return back to the living room, sit down next to ivy and run my hand through her blonde curls,

"papa," she mumbles,

"you wanna take a nap?" I ask picking her up and sitting her on my lap,

"mhm," she hums, I pick her up and carry her up to her nursery where I get her changed into she pyjamas then bring her back to our bedroom,

"dada?" she asks sounding slightly concerned, George his now wearing on of my t-shirts and some plaid pyjama shorts,

"hi sweetie," George says, I place her in bed next to him and quickly swap my jeans for a pair of pyjama bottoms, then lay down next to her, George is already half asleep gently holding ivy against his chest,

"dada," she giggles,

"we both love you so much," I say kissing her forehead and shuffling closer to her. as George and ivy sleep I stay awake, i lay beside them holding them both in a bear hug but never let myself drift off,

when ivy wakes up i make her a bottle and a plate of fruit for her to eat, i bring her dollhouse into our bedroom and play with her as george continues to sleep,

he only wakes up in the evening, we sit in bed together and watch one of her favourite shows, george leaning on my shoulder and ivy sitting between us with her pacifier and a stuffed toy under her arm,

she ends up falling asleep on george's chest, i carry her back to her nursery as george showers, i decide to change the bedsheets and tidy out room up abit to try and make it feel better for him,

i then fall down into the freshly made bed and scroll on my phone for a while,

i hear the water cut off abruptly then some shuffling in the bathroom before george emerges with tears falling from his eyes,

"what's wrong darling?" i ask as he lays down in bed next to me trying to calm but still crying, he looks around for a moment as if he's try to think of what to say but remains silent as he turn to my and begins to sob again my chest, i instantly bring my hands to his back to comfort him,

"i got my period again," he cries, pressing his body even closer to mine, i feel as if my chest has just been trampled on,

"i'm so sorry," i whisper carefully running my hand along his bare back, "do you wanna talk about it?" i ask,

"i just wanna go to sleep," he sobs, his entire frame shakes with each sob,

"let me get you dressed first," i say sliding out of bed and grabbing a pair of boxers some pads and a hoodie for him,

he weakly sits up in the bed as i kneel down beside him and i pull them over his soft thighs, then pull the hoodie over his head, i turn the lights off then embrace his limp body in a bear hug and pull us under the covers as he gently cries against my chest.