If I Knew Then

Chapter 21: Slurred Conversations

I spent the day with my cellphone in hand, finger hovering above Amelia's name. I typed different messages but deleted them all. I had to see her in person. But the minute I asked her to meet up was the start of everything changing.

      Staring blankly at my screen, I startled when it dinged. Hoped flared as I expected it to be Amelia. We hadn't gone a day without texting since she came out of the hospital. The silence was telling.

Avi: Party at Jen's, tonight. You in?

      I deflated and reinflated. Not really how I envisioned going about it, but hopefully Amelia and I could find some time to sneak away to talk. I hoped I could at least convince her to spare a few minutes of her time.

     Though parties tended to make me anxious, I sent him an enthusiastic reply.

Avi: Great! Pick you up at seven.

      And so, I had hours to further overthink my night. Time to stare at the wall and do nothing other than catastrophize.

     I thought the sundress Mia had voiced to love, might be a little too forward, but nothing else felt right. I could be bold.

     I held my breath as I pulled the van door open, fearful of her reaction. Would she see the meaning behind a seemingly insignificant decision?

      There was no reaction... She wasn't there. I tried to still my expression, but Avi saw my immediate inquisitiveness.

     "She's already there," he said as I took my seat. My transparency made me blush. "Her cousin picked her up."

     I tried to be casual, nodded as if I hadn't clung to his every word spoken in her name. But all four pair of gazes shot my way knew better.

     "Are we choosing to ignore that night of the poetry slam?" Avi asked, grunting when Maria nudged him in the ribs.

      "Yep." I had no other words. We'd ignore it until I made it better.

      Avi smiled like he knew of all the thoughts that had crossed my mind since Amelia's poem. "Cool." He cranked the radio's volume either with the intention of drowning the heavy silence or in preparation for the party.

      I bopped my head to Avi's playlist to keep my head empty.

      Amelia had long become the instinctual focus of my attention when I first entered a room. My gaze had unconsciously been trained to seek her out. Tonight was no different. Only two steps into the large home and I found her. But tonight, my gaze didn't spot her simply because it was Amelia. Tonight, my attention followed chaos and found its investigator.

      It took all of two seconds to assess that she was drunk, a few drinks away from completely wasted. While I had never been in this type of social setting with Mia, this was far from what I expected. I turned towards the group to gage their reactions. Arched brows, wide eyes and grimaces proved that I wasn't the only one caught off guard. Mia didn't need alcohol to be the life of the party.35 Still most people were just arriving, and she was clumsy on her feet.

      The moment she spotted us, she hobbled forward and pulled us one by one into a hug. She didn't hesitate when she reached me. There was nothing behind bleary eyes, just a dopey smile. So much for that conversation I had planned.

      "Come on," she urged us, nudging her head down the hall. We hadn't even had the chance to finish our returned greetings. "The speakers are in the backyard, plus I left my cooler out there. Drinks for everyone!"

     We followed her as usual, but I did so with apprehension for the first time. Already I knew the night was bound for disaster. Amelia led us to the cooler. An unsupervised cooler that made me even more wary.