Red Wine

5: Forgive Me Father, I Have Sinned

Dear Father,

I hope this letter finds you in the best of health, because I certainly haven't been.

I have so many stories to tell you, both positive and negative, and I was looking forward to talking about them with you once I go back home. Only you know how to set up a conversation, and I'm lucky to have a father who understands me the best out of everyone else out there.

As much as I want to tell each of those stories in this letter, I don't think I have much time left in this world. Perhaps by the time this letter gets sent to you in your mail, I may or may not be the daughter you once knew and loved. I could be like Schrodinger's Cat with the uncertainty of whether I am still alive or not by the time my words reach you.

Honest to goodness that I've never kept a secret from you all these years - I mean, how could I? Ever since mom passed away, you have been the only one there for me, and I know how much you tried to stand up as both my mother and my father. I am truly grateful for that, which is precisely why I have been open to you.

Although there has been one thing that I've been interested in for quite some time now that I was afraid to tell you about. I normally just tell you things open-heartedly and just accept whatever reaction you may have to say, but this one I kept a secret from you because I'm aware that the pain of remembering mom can be too much for you.

The reason why I went to Japan to work is because I found some tarot cards and books about them in the box that she had saved for me as one of her inheritance. Curiosity got the best of me, and I went through all of them when you were asleep. I know that you know about this, and I agree, mom seemed pretty shady to me. Based on everything that I've read, there's a high chance that her involvement with these tarot cards is what led to her sudden death.

The reason why I knew you were going to be against this is because I overheard your phone call that one night. You even cried in your room afterwards and I felt so sad for you. I'm never gonna be sure who you talked to that night, but that person wanted me to take over mom's hobby within the tarot cards universe. You were furious, declined the person with such rage and sorrow in your eyes. I know you were only trying to protect me from suffering the same fate as my mom.

Father, your anger that night was justified. I finally understood why. And now I regret keeping it a secret from you and how I needed to lie to you just so I can fly to Japan to find the answers.

This wasn't just any tarot card hobbyist group - it was a cult. Mother died because she had to leave the cult. She wanted to become a mother so much, and a loving wife to you. The cult wasn't pleased with this decision, and all these years they were trying to bring her back to the cult; to abandon our family, or else there were grievous consequences. Mother refused to come back, of course. In the end, the cult used the tarot cards against her, manipulated the ordinance of the stars, thus leading to her death.

Sadly, after finding all of this out, I am next. For the past several weeks prior to writing this letter, they have summoned demons to possess me in order for my physical self to wreak havoc - to render me useless beyond reasoning. It worked. The more the demon takes my body and mind hostage, the more my physical and mental self weakens. Only a part of my sanity left is able to write this letter I think. I hope it's still coherent.

Who knows what fate lies ahead for me now. Will I be kept alive, but no longer possess the control over my own body and mind? Or will I be weakened until my ultimate demise? Will I be in my physical form, or will I be enclosed in a casket? Whichever the case, your daughter that may return to you could never be the same again.

Forgive me, dear father. I really have sinned this time.

Sincerely,

Geneva