Surpassing Those Rough Pages

II

“Kuya Sean, bakit cords ang tawagan niyo ni ate Alex?”

I snapped back to reality when my younger sister mentioned Alexandrine’s name. Lumingon ako sa kan’ya at agad kong nasalubong ang nagtatanong niyang mga mata. I smiled as I remember the day when Alexandrine invented our callsign.

I could feel the hollow in my stomach and the searing pain and longing that was starting to build in my chest.

One week had passed since she broke up with me. No one knows that we already broke up. And even though she told me that she didn’t love me since day one, I know that she’s lying. I could feel that she’s just protecting me from something. I could sense that she’s hiding something from me.

And within that one week, I tried to talk to her but her she just always shut me off. Trinatrato niya lang ako na parang hangin tuwing lumalapit ako sa kan’ya. It hurt me. A lot. But I love her. So much. That I’d rather endure this pain for now than to suffer for a lifetime, regretting that I didn’t fight for us.

I just pray to God that He’ll answer my prayers. That He’ll protect and guide Alexandrine in whatever situation she might be in for now, and that He’ll soften her heart so that she’ll allow us to talk and to fix our relationship.

Damn. I missed her.

“Kuya?” pagtawag sa akin ng kapatid ko nang hindi ako sumagot.

Napakamot ako sa batok ko. “Uhm. . . Our callsign was supposed to be ‘sinta’. It’s cute, isn’t?”

Bahagyang natawa ang kapatid ko. “I think that’s too old-fashion, kuya. Mukha kayong nasa sinaunang panahon if ever. Lolo and lola ’yarn?”

“Ayan din ang sinabi niya sa akin noon,” saad ko habang nakangiting inaalala ang araw na iyon. “Kaya napaisip siya kung ano ang english ng sinta na naging sintas, and that’s how she came up with our callsign, ‘cords’.”

Napahalakhak si Shane. “Woah! Ang witty, ha!”

I nodded while smiling. “Agree. Pansin ko rin na magaling siya diyan. Inventing words with meanings that only few people could understand. She also has a great and wild imagination and I love that part of her.”

Pumangalumbaba ang kapatid ko sa hand rest ng sofa habang nakangiting nakatingin sa akin. “Damn, kuya. Lunod na lunod ka na sa kan’ya ‘no?”

Humarap ako sa kan’ya at tuluyan nang kinalimutan ang pinapanood namin sa tv.

“Sobra, Shane. Sobra.”

“Then why not take her back?”

My eyes widened. “What do you mean?” I still asked her even though I already have a hint that she knew that Alex and I broke up. Pero paano niya nalaman?

She rolled her eyes. “Duh, kuya alam kong hiwalay na kayo.”

My brows furrowed. “Paano?”

“Baka nakakalimutan mong iisa lang ang kwarto natin at sa taas lang ako ng kama mo natutulog? Since last week you keep on whispering ate Alex’s name while you cry silently. Kahit nga tulog ka eh, “Cords, please, mag-usap tayo.” you keep on murmuring that line. Ano bang nangyari kuya?”

Napalunok ako at bahagyang natulala sa sinabi ng kapatid ko. Our break up was too much for me to handle that I can’t hide my pain anymore. Kaya kahit na hindi ako sigurado kung tulog na si Shane, umiiyak na ako tuwing naka-higa na ako sa kama at patay na ang ilaw.

Sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko ay tuluyan ko nang nakuwento kay Shane kung paano at bakit kami naghiwalay ni Alexandrine.

“Duda rin ako sa rason niya, kuya. Kulitin mo nang kulitin hanggang sa bumigay. Feeling ko may ibang rason talaga siya, eh,” ani Shane matapos akong mag-kuwento.

Tumango ako.

“Pero kung totoo man ang sinabi niya. . . kawawan ka naman,” she teased.

I pouted and I was about to tease her also when we heard an approaching footsteps towards the door. Agad na napatayo si Shane mula sa sofa.

“Shit, nandito na si mama!” nag-pa-panic niyang bulong habang nakahawak sa ulo niya. “Hindi pa ako nakakapagsaing!”

I laughed. “Lagot ka!”

“Kuya! Nagsaing ka ba?” kinakabahan niyang tanong pero hindi na niya ako hinintay pang sumagot at agad siyang tumakbo patungo sa kusina. Makalipas ang ilang segundo ay bumalik muli siya sa sala na mukhang nakahinga na ng maluwag habang nakangiti. Mukha siyang batang papunta sa magulang para magpasalamat sa surpresang binigay para sa kan’ya.

“Thank you, kuya! Ako nalang ang maghuhugas ng mga pinggan mamaya.”

Tumango ako at tumayo na para pagbuksan ng pinto si mama.

Ngunit nagulat ako nang hindi si mama ang bumungad sa akin pagkabukas ko ng pinto, kundi si Donna. Habol niya ang kanyang paghinga at mukhang tinakbo niya ang daan papunta rito.

I creased my forehead. “Oh, Donna. Napapunta ka. Ayos ka lang ba?”

Mabilis na umiling si Donna pero hindi pa rin siya makapagsalita dahil sa hinahabol pa rin niya ang kanyang paghinga. Napayuko siya at tinukod niya ang kaniyang dalawang palad sa magkabilang niyang tuhod.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang mayamaya pa ay may inabot siyang maliit na papel sa akin.

Agad na bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko nang mamukhaan kong sulat kamay iyon ni Alexandrine.

I hungrily scan the content of the letter.

“Please save her, Sean. . .” paki-usap ni Donna habang binabasa ko ang nakasulat sa papel.

I can’t breathe anymore.

No matter how hard I try, I still couldn’t breathe.

And in order for me to breathe again, I have to stop breathing.

“Shit,” I murmured.

I froze as I felt my body turned cold. My hands started trembling while holding the paper. My heart was pounding loudly inside my chest. And my mind is now in chaos. And before I knew it, I was running, and panting, and running as fast as I can to where the love of my life is, barefoot.

Please wait for me, cords.

-Vidacarryon-